music, therapy, and me

I had a couple of rage moments yesterday at work. They were not pretty, and one of my suitemates came over and shoved some chocolate under my nose to placate me. It helped a bit, but I was still very angry at the situations and people involved. This has been a long week. It started with a day off where I got many things done. For some reason, Monday days off make the rest of the work week go poorly. In addition, we had to work 11 hours on Wednesday to make up time in our contracted hours. So, we ended up working a 36 hour week rather than a 40 hour week. The extended hours meant that I had to take my pain medication later than usual so I ended up being very tired yesterday morning which did not help my disposition. All sorts of things just culminated in a temper tantrum yesterday afternoon. I am a bit ashamed about this, but I am also reaching the end of my patience. People are shouting out comments about my retirement in the hallway when I am not ready to share that with the general p...

Apparently, today is Ash Wednesday. This used to be a big deal when I was a church music director, but it is just another day for me now. In fact, I just figured out that it is actually the beginning of Lent. I have been blissfully unaware of the church calendar for the last two years, and I have found that I really don't miss the work, and I REALLY don't miss the people who tried to make me do their jobs without proper payment. There you go. As I remember the things about my spiritual practice that I loved, I find that most of what I miss is the rituals present in that practice. I had never had my forehead crossed before I started working at the church that I was part of for 26 years. I loved the ritual, the comfort of the same words through nine pastors, and the ability to share music in those spaces and times. It was something that indicated the busiest part of my liturgical year, but it was also the most meaningful. I am still angry about how things ended at that job, but I...

I am supposed to have a list of questions for my current supervisor to ask interviewees along with key phrases for him to listen for. I have been struggling with this because I honestly don't know what would be meaningful for him to know about candidates. The questions I would ask as a therapist are very different from the ones that a principal would ask. I really am feeling very reluctant about being part of this process because I was interviewed by the person I was replacing, and it was not an interview at all - it was them telling me how to do things. I didn't do any of the same things when I started - it was complicated, but I was doing two jobs for the facility at that point so things had to change. I do want to meet the candidates, but I want to be the person who gets to show them what we already have in place rather than being the one who asks questions. I don't want to end up being a scapegoat if things do not work out with the person selected. A cruise of AI-genera...

I did quite a bit yesterday - not all of it was good, but I got lots done. It is time to start the last day of this long weekend on a good note and just get it all done. Tomorrow, it is back to the grind, but today is just for me to do what I need to do around here. The dishwasher is still clogged. It got worse when I tried to "fix" it, so I will need to call someone else in to fix things up. I will do that around 8am when the business opens to see if they can come in today. If not, I'm not sure what I will do - perhaps they can come tomorrow after I am finished with work. I hope I can get things to work pretty soon because I am just not able to continue with things the way they are. Blech! I need to get to cooking up some food for my next several days at work and here at home. I'm trying some new nutritional programs, so I have to get going to keep up the momentum. I am navigating the things that I cannot eat versus the things that I will not eat (there are LOTS of t...

Today is the 15th - a day when I try to figure out what is next for my website and my business. I don't always sit down and brainstorm, but I am feeling it today, so it is time to dream and plan and set my quests for this next month. I also have a grocery order to pick up, library books to return, and an OCMT board meeting to do today. I also have dishes, a dishwasher to try to unclog, and a shower to take. Lots to do, but I want to spend some time with my business binder, writing down ideas during my process. It has been a good weekend so far. It rained yesterday, so I laid in bed for a lazy morning. I spent some time organizing some of the spaces in my room down here, and then read a book. Today, though, has to be something different. It is my goal to get my living room ready for the vacuum as I am doing a baking soda/vinegar unclogging attempt for the dishwasher. Oh, I also set my intention for #The100DayProject for 2026. I am going on a no-spend crafting spree - the only thing ...

Two groups, bus duty, and lots of cleaning between me and a long weekend of cleaning here at home. Today is payday which is helpful since I was scraping the bottom of the money barrel this month. January was a bit more expensive than I thought it would be. Back to my budget, I guess. My anxiety dreams continue, but this one was a bit better than the one on Tuesday. This morning's edition was about a competition where I had to find something out before two guys, and I was flailing about without knowing what they were doing. I don't have to guess where that theme came from. I have to come up with questions to ask potential replacements for my principal, and I'm not sure what to suggest. How do you send questions about music therapy to a non-music therapist to screen candidates for the job that you have? While I appreciate the trust, I am concerned about being part of the conversations. It's just weird to be part of the interview to find a replacement. I woke up to find th...

I am not the only one struggling with things and client issues right now. This is really good to hear because it is easy to get so inwardly focused that you start to internalize thoughts like "I am such a failure at this job" and "Maybe I can no longer do this job." It is important to find out whether issues in the therapy room are solely related to me as a therapist or if it may be the clients. Sometimes, it is both, but often it is not entirely me. That's the case right now. We have a monthly meeting of the "specials" pod teachers and therapists. It is a chance to communicate with one another and talk. We all are struggling with the same clients which is heartening. It means that these groups are struggling rather than me being a horrible music therapist at the moment. So, hearing that the art therapist, the adaptive physical education teacher, the agriculture teacher, the speech-language pathologist, the occupational therapy assistants, AND the voca...

Was yesterday a strange day for anyone else? Everyone in my life seemed to be having a strange day - weird dreams, strange feelings, all that stuff. Hearing that coming from others made my strange day feel a bit better. At least I wasn't alone in all of my stuff. There is safety in numbers, my friends! Today is starting off a little bit better. I had reflux last night and did not sleep well. I managed to get back to sleep around midnight until about 2am, but I did not allow myself to try to doze after that. I don't need more anxiety dreams happening - those are EXHAUSTING! So, I am heading into my job with less sleep than I would like, the remains of the reflux happening, and the effects of two nights of difficult sleep.  At least this next weekend is a three-day one. Unfortunately, it is a Monday off which I do not like at all, but it is another day off. I hope that I will do some resting, but I doubt it. Monday was so promising this week - I wonder why Tuesday and today are s...

I have entered a time when my life is feeling strange. I know, what else is new, but this is very strange for me. I saw the job announcement for my current position on my personal email account this morning. Now, I am happy that I am able to retire from this position, but it is strange to have LinkedIn recommend that I apply for the job that I currently hold. I think my principal may try really hard to get me into the interview process - something that I do NOT want to do - I want to show them the quirks and benefits of the job without having ANY say into who is hired. He showed me a resume yesterday that I glanced at but did not look deeply into. I realized that I really need to neaten up my work area if we are already arranging interviews. I have left jobs before, and I usually try to have a closing time and date. I have also been fired from jobs before, and those situations cling to me for many years. I dwell on choices, especially when they are not my choices. It is never a good th...

Today is Monday, February 9, 2026, and the Online Conference for Music Therapy 2026 is over! This is a really good thing because it means that I have little to do but my own stuff for the rest of the month. There is very little that feels better than having a large project completed, and this is that feeling. I am tired, but that is my usual state these days, so I really can't pin my exhaustion on OCMT - it's just me! My sister has the day off today, but I do not. We both have next Monday off which will be nice. I won't be doing anything special next Monday, but I will not have to go to work, so there's that! I do have to get going and get things happening at work today. I am not sure what we are going to do this week, but I will come up with something. I am having to rethink what I do with my groups because they have become less coherent than they used to be. I used to be able to plan one session for each of my four different types of groups, but I can't do that ri...

It is almost time. In 11 hours and 15 minutes, the 16th Online Conference for Music Therapy will start, and it will be a 24 hour, international experience where we discuss music therapy all over the world. This is a labor of love for me - one that I got into completely by accident but that I continue because I enjoy it so much. I am doing less of the actual conference work than I ever have before. This is both a good thing and a bad thing. I will only be the primary moderator for one session - at the very end. I am the second moderator for four sessions. Gone are the days when I had to be at every session - thank goodness! I work lots behind the scenes of the conference, so having a bit of a break from being on camera is a very good thing for me. It allows me to respond to the countless emails about "I didn't know that the conference started at my time," and "where are the links to the conference" emails that I am bombarded with during the conference itself. The...

I was the recipient of a cough in the face yesterday. This happens when you work with humans, and especially when you work with kids, so it is not unusual, but I felt this one brush the hair on my arms and move up my body into my mouth. I tried to blow the germs away (very effective, I know), but I am not sure that I was able to fend off the germs wafting all around me. I have already had the flu once this season, and I would REALLY like to avoid the experience a second time! Two of my students (in two different sessions) looked sick yesterday. They were flushed and juicy, and I am just waiting for the note from nursing stating that they should not be around others. The thing is, working in a residential facility means that any germs will go through the entire community - clients, staff, teachers, therapists, and back again. It is not a pretty picture. Next year, at this time, I will be elsewhere, dealing with the germ culture someplace at that location - wherever it may be. Germs are ...

I am an old music therapist. I am getting ready to retire from my full-time job as a school-based music therapist in a psychiatric treatment facility and associated day school after almost 30 years there. I have been around a long time. My music therapy heroes are starting to pass away. Barbara Wheeler was one of those music therapy heroes who left this world this week. After a long career in academia, she "retired" and started more music therapy programs and acted as a consultant for programs around the world. She seemed to spend more time with other music therapists than she did at home, and that is the type of music therapy life that I am striving for myself. Another music therapy pioneer passed away. Dr. Roy Grant, a music therapist from Georgia, also left our world on January 24th. His music therapy legacy comes in training students and expanding music therapy services for the people in the vicinity of the University of Georgia. Coming to the profession of music therapy ...

Y'all, I FINALLY got to see my Monday groups, and they were not having it!  I forgot that my Monday groups are usually ones who struggle with being in music therapy - the "I'm too cool for everything" adolescents. You know the ones - they just sit and stare. No active interaction, slouching in their chairs, and not wanting to work or play or do anything that might ruin their reputations. I can usually con them into interaction in one way or another, and yesterday was no exception. By the end of the session, they were playing instruments and making some noise as part of a dragon parade.  That session led into two others back-to-back that were also not really feeling the whole Monday thing. No one was engaging in behaviors of concern, but no one was really engaged in what I was dishing out either. I do not think that today's groups will be any different. I am in a strange place in my life that I have never been before. I am on the cusp of leaving the daily interacti...

It's back - the reason why I no longer participate so much in the greater music therapy community - people squawking about things that are outside what I feel is the purview of music therapy and then shaming anyone who dares to present a different viewpoint. I view this as the Politicization of music therapy, and it is something that I do not appreciate from the greater music therapy population in general. There are so many bullies out there on social media, and when you try to call them out, they go into devastation mode bringing their bully buddies into the conversation. Currently, it seems the bullies are calling out anyone who dares to provide any sort of commentary that contradicts or asks for clarification about the current bully trends. As far as I can tell, the current issue seems to have started with someone who objected to the use of profanity in a specific post and now has morphed into a criticism of anyone who objects to assertions about politics and therapy. I am tryin...

'Tis the season for MJ to be a bit scattered and overwhelmed! This is the week before the Online Conference for Music Therapy , and I am the treasurer and continuing education director for the conference. Right now, I am getting emails sent out to people from all over the world, and I am fielding questions from all sorts of folks about all sorts of situations! In addition, I just saw a position that I would enjoy doing, so I am thinking about applying. The worst case scenario is that I would not get the job, so why not try?? I have some time to get things together, but I would have to become a member again of an organization that I have stepped away from. Ugh. I have some time to think about this situation, but not much. This tends to be my busiest time of year - OCMT and everything else just seems to show up at this time. If I need to do something in an urgent manner, it will happen during OCMT week. It is pretty funny to note that there are 51 other weeks in the year, but I end u...