Second Time Around...

The first post that I attempted to write today was bumming me out, so I decided to keep it as a draft and try to write something else.

Just so you know, I am not looking forward to the next two days or the "break" activities that I have scheduled. That was the theme of the rejected post for this morning. I cannot dwell or my day will be pretty lousy.

So, here is attempt #2 for this morning.

I was thinking that I have not updated my budget information for a bit. I have paused the envelope system for the moment. This month is a bit screwy, so I decided not to get my usual allowance for my envelopes. I will update it as soon as my medical bills are paid off. I can get back to that system at any time. It did work for me, and I have a bit of tweaking to do, but the foundation was sound.

In between my envelope pause and everything else happening in my life, I am finding it difficult to focus on just about anything. Things are uncertain and uncertainty is not something that I deal with well. I just don't. I like to be certain about what is going on in my life, and my biggest stressors are often things that other people control. 

I found out that both of "that client"s that I have at the moment will be in the same classroom starting on Monday. Now, I don't have to worry about that until I come back, but I will also be starting over with both of them because of my absence. I need to remember that when I return. I will have to start over with all of my therapeutic relationships - ESPECIALLY "that client" and the "other that client."

My office is not clear or clean. There are a bunch of things in a file cabinet that I cannot access at the moment due to my schedule and all that, so that cabinet will stay exactly where it is for the next couple of months - until I can move things without pain.

I am freaking out about next week - my emotional mind, that is. My rational mind is perfectly logical and is trying really hard not to let my emotional mind take over everything! This is a constant cycle for me when I am in the throes of medical things - emotional vs. rational mind. My white coat anxiety is over the top right now, but work is in there as well, giving me additional anxiety.

Two more days.

That is all between me and at least two weeks of time to focus on my gut and my healing. Waiting is the worst part of it all. Waiting and working for two days. Waiting and cleaning my house for two days before my mom arrives. Waiting and preparing my gut for surgery for one day, and then waiting to start the surgery. After that waiting is finished, then the process of healing has to start.

Before I can get to healing, though, I need to finish these two days. I don't want to go. I really don't, but I will go. I will be the best therapist I can be for the clients who come before me on this day.

Ugh. Six sessions today. Five sessions tomorrow. After that, it will be time to prepare myself for my next foray into medical treatment.

I can do this.

(Seriously, this post is much lighter than the one I placed firmly in my draft folder! See you tomorrow!)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sunday Song - That One Billie Eilish Song, You Know the One...

Image
So... I feel like I need to be totally transparent about something from the get-go of this particular series... I am not good with identifying songs with their performers. I can't identify the song names, but I can almost always sing the song. As I was trying to figure out what song to select for this series, I remembered being in a session last week, listening to a song by Billie Eilish. I really liked the lyrics to the song, but for the life of me, I cannot remember which song it was. I remember thinking, "that would be a great song for our self-awareness monthly theme," but I cannot find the words that I remember in the lyrics search that I am doing of Billie's songs.  This is a common situation for me, but it's also common for my music therapy clients. We can remember things about songs but can't remember names or musicians. We spend lots of time engaged in clue hunting. I ask questions like, "Is the singer a man or a woman?" (I know, those aren...
Read more

Songwriting Sunday: Client Goals First and Foremost

Image
When I am writing music, I tend to do one of two things. I either start with a specific client in mind and write for that client's goals and objectives, or I start with an idea and let the idea grow regardless of the clients that I am serving at the time. I spend time with lots of hypothetical clients - thinking about the vast number of clients and their unique goals as I develop songs and therapeutic music experiences (TMEs). Today, though, I would like to start with the first focus - that of a specific client and his or her or their goals. Currently, I am sharing a wall with a class of students who are experiencing lots of life and school changes. Two students have transferred from residential care to home care and are now day students. One student is brand new to the classroom. Another student recently left the class. All of these changes have shifted the dynamics in the classroom group, and old behaviors of concern have reemerged as well as finding new behaviors to contribute. ...
Read more

Dear AMTA

Dear American Music Therapy Association: I am debating long and hard about remaining in this relationship. I have been in this relationship since college, and this is not a decision that I am taking lightly or without great cost.  I am not happy with what you are bringing to this relationship. Now, I have been a selfish partner over the past several years - mainly because I am not feeling like we share a common mission anymore. It is easy for me to place the blame on you, but I know that this is not all on me. I have tried to be invested in communication and support and understanding, but everyone comes to a time where enough is enough. I am trying very hard to decide if the benefits that you provide to me are worth the feelings that I have about where I think you and I are going. I am not sure that our destination is the same anymore, and this makes me sad. To be completely honest, I am only in this relationship these days for the music therapy interns. I don't think that is a hea...
Read more