Stuck in "Poor Me" Mode

I admit it. I am wallowing in a well of self-pity and self-doubt right now. I'm in my annual allergy sick time building up to the Online Conference for Music Therapy, and I am also not able to take all my allergy medications because I cannot afford to take a day off to get accustomed to the medication (it gets me every time!). There are stress-causing things happening at work with co-workers who are upset with me about choices that I make to support therapy and all that. There is a small percentage of students who are actively working at disrupting my sessions - and they are spread out over a bunch of different sessions so things are pretty disruptive at the moment, and I feel that things aren't going the way they need to be going. I'm not hearing any sort of encouragement from anyone right now, and it is hard to keep giving when there is no time for taking.

I get stuck in these modes every so often, so it is not something that surprises me any more, but I am always having to stop and remind myself of things that I need to do. 

Here's my self-care pattern -

• Identification - the first step is to identify what is happening. I don't feel good, there are lots of things causing me stress, and we have had a stream of constantly new staff members this year which means that no one knows what is happening in music therapy. Every time I get a chance to tell someone what I expect in music therapy, they leave and I have to go through the same process over and over again. I feel like no one cares about what I am trying to do with our students. I know that this is probably an erroneous thought pattern, but it is happening, so I acknowledge it and try to work through it.
• Self-Care - So, part of my self-care regime is to take my medication, but I cannot take a day off because I don't have any time to take off. If I have to take eight hours off, I lose an entire day's worth of pay, and I am trying to avoid this if possible. Self-care cannot include the rest that I desperately need, so I am doing some other things instead - focusing on food choices, using my to-do lists to keep tasks under control, and spending some time wallowing and then forming plans to keep going.
• Tasks - This is where my bullet journaling comes in handy. I currently have lots of work to do for the Online Conference for Music Therapy, so there is a bright yellow post-it note that lists all the things I have to get done this week. My journal includes the three things that I have to get done every day, and I cross them off as I get them finished.
• Sleep - I am trying to get into a new evening routine, but I've fallen by the way side this week. This may be part of the reason that I'm struggling right now.
• Journaling - I'm writing things down as they happen. Documentation is so important for all sorts of situations.

I am working on getting out of my "poor me" attitude and status. It will take some time, but it will be done. Before I leave to take my shower, I am going to check the school closings one more time...nope - all Missouri schools, no Kansas schools. Off to take a long hot shower and to get ready to go to work for yet another day of cranky people who get a bit less cranky when they come to music therapy. It's time.

I think I feel a bit better now. Thanks for reading!!