I Just Hit the Wall

I hit the fatigue wall today.

I overextended yesterday and actually went to both of my jobs. I didn't get into bed until late (for me), and then had to call my parents and my sister. My sister was in a bit of a tizzy about a decision that someone made about her role at her school, so I stayed awake until she had something figured out what to say and an idea of how to approach the people involved. Once she found her way, we hung up, and I fell asleep immediately.

This morning I awoke right before my "alarm" light turned on. I flipped over and went back to sleep for another hour - again, not at all like me. I had to force myself to actually get up and get my morning routine started. I really want to stay at home, but I am running out of sick time and don't know for sure if my worker's comp claim will kick in to pay me while I am considered "Temporarily Totally Disabled." I certainly don't want to owe my school district part of my salary due to an injury that happened at work.

Tonight is my webinar for interns on self-care. We'll be talking, as we always do, about the importance of taking care of ourselves in ways that will help up avoid situations like compassion fatigue and professional burnout. Unfortunately, I am finding it all too easy to talk about the patterns of behavior that lead us into these situations. I am having some difficulty finding my way back into health, but my current situation is not completely due to my lack of self-care - I've been helped in my decline. I just have to be more cognizant of listening to my body as well as to what others suggest.

Tomorrow I have nothing to do while I am at school (other than get my documentation finished, plan next week's sessions, and try to figure out how to organize my messy clinical space) and then talk to parents and sister before going to bed. I can also spend most of the day on Saturday napping in between running the dishwasher and laundry loads.

Time to peel myself off the wall I just splatted on and get going. I'm not stressing (too much) about the fact that I'm not getting much done with my time these days. It's about all I can do to keep myself awake. 

Music therapy sessions have been comprised of drumming to Planet Drum (love Mickey Hart's world music compilations), brushing and scarf play, and playing Instrument Memory games. All things we can do with a limited amount of breath support and interference from the therapist. 

Things have gone pretty well, but yesterday's afternoon session was a mess - less of a mess than in other sessions, but not as good as the last several sessions. Seven kids aggressed on someone else. Only two were able to keep their hands to themselves. Sigh. That's probably contributing to my fatigue - you think?

Take care of yourselves, and I'll try to take care of myself. See you tomorrow!