Thoughtful Thursday: Finding Routine Again

Okay, I admit it. I am a bit obsessed with getting into a routine on how to do things - in both my personal and professional lives. It is much easier for me to make and use routines at work than it is at home which is strange since at home there is only me to coordinate and lead through routines. At work, it is co-workers, clients, and interns who are part of the routine. Summer sessions are also a bit more difficult than the regular school year because we work four days and then I get three days off in a row. It is amazing how quickly you can get accustomed to longer stretches of time off. I enjoy three days in a row that include nothing but being on my own at home. It makes getting up early on work days more difficult than it is in the regular school year when I only have one day where I do not work.

This past week has been rough.

I know that I always feel this way when summer temperatures and humidity arrives. I am tired - not to the bone, but through the lungs. I am taking another COVID test today. It has been three weeks since I tested positive. I am still testing positive. I am not sure what to do. I have to work, but I am also testing positive for this virus...still. I don't think I am symptomatic - just a person with severe asthma in humid situations - which I cannot get away from anywhere but home. That is just the tipping point to everything else that is going on in my life.

Anyway, add in all the sun outside, and I am not able to find a way to work and live that is consistent. At this point in the summer, it is almost futile to do anything other than try to get into my regular school year routine for the rest of the summer. Unfortunately, the siren song of a cool bedroom and a comfortable bed pulls me back into sleeping later than my routine allows. It's a conundrum.

Perhaps I need to relax a bit about this. If I cannot establish a routine for myself during the summer months, is it fair for me to be hyper-critical of this? Keep in mind that all the pressure to be part of a routine is placed on me by me. There isn't any other human in this house that I have to accommodate. I have that luxury, but I still expect myself to do what needs to be done. It may be time to acknowledge that this lack of routine is part of my summer way of doing things - it may be part of my Seasonal Affective Disorder that I just have not been able to acknowledge until this moment. I might just need to care for my body the way that I need to instead of making my body do things that it cannot do. I am already doing the medication things that I need during this time, but I am not allowing myself to do the sleeping that I might need. It is just difficult to put it into my schedule of other things that need to happen.

Ugh. This train of thought is affecting my blood pressure and breathing and everything. Time to change it up.

I went and saw Minions: The Rise of Gru last night. It would have been lots more fun if I hadn't been surrounded by very LOUD teens who could not be quiet at all during the movie. I am a bit of a stooge when it comes to talking in a theater. I almost shouted, "Old lady here who cannot hear. Be quiet!" I didn't. The thought of it, though, did cross my mind several times.

The movie itself was very cute. I like the Minions, and I have enjoyed all the Despicable Me movies. The stories are pretty silly, but that's part of what makes a Minions movie - just plain old silly. The minions seem to be just the type of thing that fits a music therapist - they often use music and singing to express their emotions and thoughts. They just want to serve someone who does things differently every time. They are followers who crave a vision to follow blindly. I love all the things that you can see them doing in the background of primary story. Silly things seem perfect for a Wednesday night movie...except for the loud teen competition.

I am now debating whether I watch some YouTube Ms. Marvel videos or go to work early. The full moon is sinking behind my neighbor's house in the back of my house. I am just not interested in spending more time in my hot music therapy room, but I am also feeling my time anxiety creeping up behind the back of my eyes. Yep, that's where my anxiety lives. I might also want to get some greasy fast food, but I am trying to save some of my money, so I might not go out and get that grease. I am so full of uncertainty right now. So much unknown stuff happening and so much information that is not being shared about what people think we will be doing...

Anyway, I think I will probably count my nickels and head out to get something to eat. Have a good Thursday, all.