Day Two Review and Starting Day Three - A Day in the Life of This Music Therapist

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Here I go again. Yesterday was rough to get through, mainly because my demands for myself are pretty high, and I just can't seem to get them done. I did manage to get three videos done (almost brings me to my self-imposed expectation of four per day). I also decided that I needed a backdrop for my films and for any sort of livestreaming that may happen in the future. I made the basic frame for that yesterday. Now I am on the brink of tears because I cannot get my acid reflux medication to open - one of those "match the arrows and the top will come off easily" type of bottles. I think I'm going in with the saw I found on Wednesday.

That worked. I have now transferred the pills from the impossible bottles to one that works much better for me and my current finger situation...because let's not forget that I still have two broken fingers...Thanks, 2020!

I ended yesterday with a strange headache and some general "you've been sitting too long" aches and pains. At the same time, my brain was flitting from place to place and could not settle. It is not easy, this stay at home and work existence.

Now, I knew that from watching the struggles of my friends and family members who have gone through these types of situations for the past nine months. I also knew pretty early on that this type of work existence was not my preferred way of being. Even being an introvert (which I am on every type of test you can imagine), I still enjoy working with people. Being a music therapist for my selected client population brings me so much that I want from a job - times to work through problems, times to laugh and enjoy, times to share music that is important to us, times to make music just to see what happens. I need client interaction to feel like I am a music therapist, and that is not happening right now. Music therapy is not a livestreaming priority at my facility, so most of my time is spent making content for asynchronous consumption. I have practice with that type of content generation, but I usually have opportunities to do all types of live interactions before I go into content creation mode. My people interaction meter is full, and then I need some time to talk to a hypothetical audience to help me energize. Without that daily dose of client time, I am talking to myself (not unusual, but the amount has increased dramatically lately). I think I am less productive right now because I am mourning the loss of my job format.

I am currently trying to figure out what I want to accomplish today. I have a list of three TME videos that I want to do today. I need to clear off my desk to get some semblance of organization around here. I am still working on setting up my work zones here in the front room. I think that my day will be spent on organizing my space for more effective work opportunities. I will also spend some time making videos and moving around. I want to decrease the amount of time that I spend on the computer.

My bullet journal is helping. I am tracking what I am doing each hour to prove to myself that I am actually getting things done, even when I feel ineffectual and stuck. Today's color is a green tone (my co-worker, Bella-cat, picked it out). I will make a list of the things that I want to get finished today. I will track what I am doing from now until I am finished with my day. I am putting in some journaling into the day and in the journal just as an emotional check-in and an opportunity for some self-processing. I'm already tired of all of this, and it is only the first week of a very long month.

How much of this is change in routine? How much is pandemic-ennui? How much is feeling sad because I cannot go to California this Christmas? How much is having to navigate yet another change in this year of changes? How much is my own brain just trying to find something to analyze because I am spiraling into boredom and feeling useless???

Happy beginning of Day Three. I go back to work in my music therapy room on Monday and will be there on Tuesday as well. I am making my list of things to do when I am work - making color copies, laminating resources, arranging for Zoom meetings for some of my students, attempting to get other resources accessible both at work and at home, uploading videos to YouTube, setting up releases for my interns' work, reviewing a mid-term evaluation with my junior intern, writing letters of recommendation for my senior intern; the list is getting longer and longer... I need to stop thinking about Monday - it is getting overwhelming!

I think that is also part of all of this - getting overwhelmed by the minutiae of changes. My other jobs have not changed - I still need to generate a Sunday School video, go to church to sing on Sunday, and release sing about march tomorrow. I am just now having to be at home all the time, and that is not the place I want it to be. Tomorrow and Sunday's time will be spent doing those things - including arranging my home differently. There is so much to be done to make things the way I want them to be that I am shutting down.

My sister (who, at nine months of virtual teaching is an "expert" - just ask her) assures me that the first two weeks are the most difficult. I have two and a half weeks this month before Winter Break, so I may be hitting my stride about the time we go on break for a week and a half where I am not doing anything work-related before starting again. I know that part of my struggles are related to uncertainty and the overwhelming amount of the unknown out there right now, but I also know that I will eventually be at the end of all of this.

For now, I am going to start my work day by making my priority list in front of my Christmas tree. I am going to think about what I want to have finished at the end of this very long day of keeping myself engaged. I have some interaction scheduled with my interns at noon, so that will keep me going. In addition, I have to go pick up my grocery order between 2 and 3 this afternoon - AN OUTING!!

Time to go. I'll "see" you tomorrow. 

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