Thoughtful Thursday: We're All Just Figuring This Out as We Go Along

I am fully in imposter syndrome territory right now. I get this way every so often, usually when I see other music therapists that I know getting publications or looking at the courses that they are offering to others. The jealous part of me rises up and then turns into my shame goblin - "why aren't you doing things like this??" "If you were a GOOD music therapist, then you would..."

Are those comments familiar to you? 

Is it just me who has these thoughts??

When I get these feelings, I realize that it is time for some self-care, specifically doing some journaling and self-reflection.

One of the trends that I see in myself (and in others as well) is what I call my "Woulda/Coulda/Shoulda" goblins. When I am mired in imposter syndrome and jealous of what others are doing in their music therapy lives, I tend to use statements that include those words. "I should be doing X, Y, and Z because so-and-so is doing that." "I could do X, Y, and Z if only..." "If I did this, then I would do that." These comments become overwhelming, and I end up sinking more deeply into the muck. I have named these my goblins, and I have drawn my Shoulda goblin. Woulda and Coulda are in development as visual concepts for myself.

For the current moment, I am trying very hard to find some motivation to do almost everything. I have lots of clean laundry piling up (at least it is clean). I have a sink full of dirty dishes that need attention. I have done some organizing in the bedroom upstairs, and I have clean sheets on the bed, so I did get some of my to-do's done yesterday. I even got some reading in yesterday! The laminating is finished, but I have not cut things out. I still don't have a routine going.

Since I can see the imposter syndrome coming in for me, I need to take my self-care practices seriously. It is time to be more purposeful in all areas of my life, so off I go to some of my recommendations for myself.

A couple of years ago, I made a small card for self-care strategies to complete when I was feeling overwhelmed by things happening. I made it with some stickers and markers, and it was a good reference for me. I no longer have that card in front of me, so it may be time to make another one (or two). I can keep these in my planners to use when needed (in fact, that may be where the original card is located - in one of my former planners). I think my focus for this one will be imposter syndrome.

One of the best things for me to remember and work through during seasons like this one is that I actually do quite a bit in my little corner of the music therapy world. I have to remind myself of this because it is all too easy to slip into "but, I should..." mode. I don't like that mode, so I need to remind myself of the things that I actually do...

I have some direction for the day now. I want to make a new reminder card for this type of feeling. I have to go get groceries in a bit. I have an intern webinar this evening. I might go to the library, but I probably won't go until next week. I have some tasks that I have to complete before I can move forward into others tasks, so I can get that going. Plus, I have a crop this weekend, so I need to prepare for that!

Time to get going. See you later, alligator!

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