Wednesday: Gearing Up for What Comes Next

Yesterday was pretty much a wasted day. I did not leave my house, and I did not engage much with anything that needed any sort of thought process or anything else. I also tweaked my knee yet again, so I spent most of the day just propping it up and not taxing it much at all. Today, though, has to be a different story.

I want a music therapy making group, so I am going to start one. I am going to see if anyone wants to get CMTEs for making things, but we are going to spend time making the projects that we need regardless. People who want CMTEs from this type of group are welcome to get them at my usual price. Those who just want to talk and make things in the company of others are also welcome to join for free. I will be releasing visual aids for CMTE participants as well. The proposal is in for CBMT consideration, and then I will release the information to the world at large!

Why not take my love of making things to others out there? I am hoping to build a community for this type of creation space for music therapists, students, and interns. It will mean some rearrangement of my working space, but that's okay. I can do it!

So, I have done a bunch of things this morning already. I am not satisfied with what I have figured out, but at least I am doing something right now. There is nothing worse than just sitting here, doing nothing, especially with the things happening financially at the moment. Health insurance has risen (AGAIN), and I do not have a job yet. I am a bit paralyzed for the job application hunt, but my bank accounts are suffering from this malaise. The question is do I go for a sure thing that will stress my body but not challenge my brain at all or do I wait for a less sure thing that will be better for my brain and less stress on my body. The way my body aches right now means that I want to wait but I need money. Egad! What a mess!!!

I find that my best work is done in the morning. I have always been a morning person and this continues to this day. I prefer to respond to emails and inquiries in the early hours, and waiting until 10am for an appointment is difficult for me. I have an appointment on Friday at noon, and just the thought of having eight hours before the appointment is challenging.

Before tomorrow, I have to finalize an intern webinar, figure out what is happening with my knee, and clean something. I am thinking that the craft desk is needing attention, so I am going to clear a bit of that space - while chanting my mantra, "It's okay to throw things away." 

I have to repeat this over and over while I am cleaning. I feel guilty when I toss a box or throw away a piece of paper that I could easily recycle along with all the other papers that I have collected with that exact thought. It is overwhelming, but I am making progress with the entire thing. The entire space is feeling better to me with some cleared horizontal surfaces. I wish I could continue with the clear space, but I know myself and my organization pattern which is nothing remains clear for long in my lifespace.

The to-do list is growing, and the not-to-do list is also growing. Not-to-do includes worrying about something that is not in my control while still moving proactively on the financial situation. Not-to-do also includes not finding stress where it can be avoided. I can make it happen. The to-do list includes things like taking a shower and reading my last library book while still cleaning and clearing things. Tomorrow is trash day, so I need to take some trash out to the cans before they arrive at the crack of dawn. I also have some books in my mailbox waiting for me to pick them up. I will watch my current chinese romance show while working on things...

What comes next?? Who knows. That is stressful in itself, but I continue to find ways to figure things out. That's okay these days - being in the unknown.

I need to listen to my favorite version of Into the Unknown from Frozen by Panic! At the Disco. It is one of my energy-giving songs, and I can't help but feel happy when it is playing.

Meanwhile, the craft desk is calling...

See you tomorrow.

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