Let Me Tell You - It's Not Easy Keeping Up with My Octogenarians...

I am spending this week with my mother and her best friend. They have known each other since they were 3, and since they are in their early 80's now, they have decades upon decades of friendship to go through. Aunt Mary has not lived near my mother since they were 18, but it takes no time at all for them to fall back into old routines, Girl Scout songs, "remember this?" discussions, and inside jokes. We came on this trip so Mom and Aunt Mary could see each other again. Mom is in the season of life where her friends are disappearing into their mortality or into memory care facilities. She is losing them and does not know how to get back into touch with many of her friends from high school and college. Aunt Mary is not one of those friends, but her husband passed away this year. It was important for us to see her rather than just relying on emails. 

So, Mom and I arrived early on Monday morning and have been spending the days with Aunt Mary. I leave after dinner and head to a hotel, and Mom has been staying with Aunt Mary at her cottage. Mary lives in a retirement community that has a total care program. If she needs it, there are memory care and hospice care programs on the same campus, but Aunt Mary does not need it.

Both Mary and my Mom are active. One of my Mom's other friends called her pretty randomly one day and mentioned that Mom's voice wasn't quivery or shaky but sounded the same as when they were active friends. Mary is that way as well. If you heard their voices, you would think they were in their 30s or 40s. Even looking at the two of them, it would be difficult to identify their ages. They are just eternal beings. There must be some portraits of them snuck into dark corners because they seem much younger than their ages.

It has been my chore to keep up with the two of them. In the past two days, we have taken a tour of the facility. Aunt Mary seems to be involved in every sort of thing that happens at the big house up the hill. She knows everyone and everyone knows her. We met several residents when we were touring the memory care program, and Mary took her time to listen to everyone we met. She runs the gift shop. She sings in the choir and sings with others supporting their memories and encouraging their musicality (this program is overseen by a former music therapist and there are other music therapists who come in for more formal programming, but the Music and Memory program is alive and well at this facility). We have also been to the lake house to see Mary's oldest stepchild. We are going to some local historical sites today, a trip to a local stationery store (just for ME!), and then will finish the day eating in the Bistro with some of Mary's friends.

I fall into my hotel bed every evening absolutely exhausted.

My Octogenarians are just on the go all the time. I am fortunate that they are not needing much care at this point and are able to do all the things that they want to do. Aunt Mary has two bad hips, so she uses a walker when we go out places. Mom is a bit hunched over and has back issues, but for the most part, they are able to take care of themselves and do what they want to do when they want to do it.

I hope that my sister and I age as gracefully as these two women.

I am not in a place where I am planning my end-of-life care, but my sister is doing just that. She is thinking about being in the type of facility that Mary is part of - a step-down care program of some sort. Of all the options available, I would like that type of program as well. I now qualify for 55+ communities, so I will be looking in that type of community as I move to a new place in this next year. Once I move into my next, next iteration, I will look at these types of communities. I envision my sister and I living in two cottages close to but not next to each other. I think we would do well with some space. (Love you, Sis, but I think it is easier to be with you when I don't live with you!! Kissy, kissy!!) I could see us each having a cottage on different streets and spending time together every day. That would be a good situation for us to live in our older ages. 

Right now, I am waiting for my sister's early morning phone call. After that, I will be driving over to my Aunt Mary's house before we go to George Mason's estate, the Workhouse Art Gallery, and the Suffragist Memorial. We will then go to the stationery store (that was closed for renovations on Monday when we walked past AND where I saw a wall of pens just waiting for my money to take them away) and finish the day with dinner with Mary's friends. Mom might come back to the hotel with me (she will not like that it smells like mildew) to spend our last night together. We will be traveling to my Uncle's house tomorrow evening before flying back to Mom's house on Friday. My sister will pick us up, and we will have a couple of days to be together before work and travel starts up again.

After that, I have a couple of Zoom meetings and a visit with my best friend from elementary school before I head out to the Midwest and some flooding situations. I hope my house is okay, but I am not sure that it is right now. I figure that my lawn care guy will notify me if he sees anything amiss, but who knows??

This has been a good trip for me and my decisions. I have made some decisions and have some thoughts straighter in my head than I did before I left my own house and town. This has helped me figure out so many things, and I am enjoying this state of being. It helps to talk to people about what I want from my life. When I can share that vision with other people, I strengthen it in my brain and manifest things.

It is time to end this blog. I am on the phone with my sister and will be leaving for Aunt Mary's house as soon as my sister is at work and ready to go.