Seven Weeks - Now I AM Counting

Happy Monday.

I had another insomnia night where I did not sleep well at all, and now I am going to do five groups and an individual session with less than usual rest. I do not know what I want to do with my students this week, but I will figure something out before the first folks walk into my room at 9am. 

I am starting to feel the stress of leaving start to come over me and my ability to do this job. We have two weeks of "regular" school before a break and then our extended school year is starting up. I will tell students about my retirement in June as I am taking things off the walls and out of the cabinets. I expect a mixed bag of emotions and responses from them. I know that I am a mixed bag of emotions myself, but I am swinging towards the "I wish I didn't have to get up and go to work" state of being right now. Knowing that I will be able to sleep when I want and turn over when I have a rough night for a couple of months seems very luxurious.

For now, though, it is time to get going into this spring morning. Today is shower day but not gas-fill-up day, so I have a little bit of time to get things finished. I am still very much in "early out the door" mode. I get stressed out when I am not 30 minutes early, but that means that I am donating so much extra time to my workplace, and I would like to stop doing that for the next some-odd days. (I refuse to count the days!) Time anxiety is something that I have - I cannot be late for something and I get very uncomfortable when I arrive on time. On days like this, it is not a great thing because my body needs more time at home than my brain will allow.

I am going to try leaving my house at 6:30 this morning. If things go as expected, then I will arrive at work at 7:20 which is 5 minutes later than the 7:15 start time and 10 minutes earlier than the 7:30 start time. I am getting nervous about being that late - which isn't late at all, but I am nervous nonetheless. Also, NO ONE AT WORK WILL EVEN NOTICE WHEN I ARRIVE OR LEAVE. There is nothing in the world that forces me to be early EXCEPT MY TIME ANXIETY! It is now almost 6am, the time when I usually leave my home to commute, and I still have not showered.

Okay. Enough talk and it is time to head upstairs for the next part of my morning routine. See you tomorrow.

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