Self-Imposed Timelines

Ah, my primary nemesis, we meet again. Standing in front of you, I feel shame and disappointment in myself - not anger, but the more cutting disappointment. It is entirely my own fault - I set deadlines and timelines and then listen as they whoosh by my head.

I have a project that I wanted to get started last month, but that didn't happen, and this month's deadline came and went without any sort of movement towards accomplishing the project. Other things have taken precedent, so I have accomplished other stuff, but that poor project is just sitting there, neglected and crying out for attention. That is my usual pattern with my side job - it gets buried in the mass of things I have to get finished for my main job.

Today, I have a bunch of chores to get started and finished surrounding a trip to the theater to see The Devil Wears Prada 2. I have to get multi-vitamins and avocado mash as well as my regular grocery order, then come home and put the groceries away before heading to the theater for a mid-morning movie. After that is finished, I have to come back here to organize, do my weekly chores, and prepare for this upcoming week. Two more weeks of work before a week off and then four weeks of work after that before I am here by myself everyday with more time to do things for myself as well as for my current side job.

I just wanted to get some things started before the end of my job, but my timeline avoidance has been the main sticking point. I think the problem that I have with these deadlines is that when I have the time to work on progressing towards my goals, I do not have the energy. The motivation to work on more music therapy stuff is suffocated by the workload that I have during the week. On weekends, I just want to rest until I can rest no more. This weekend started with a craft time which made my weekend more focused on rest yesterday. Today has to be more home chore focused to make up for yesterday's need for sleep.

So, what do I do when I find it difficult to meet my deadlines? 

It really depends on the deadline.

In this case, the project needs to be evaluated. Why am I reluctant to work on this project? Do I really want to do it, or do I feel like I SHOULD be doing this thing? That goblin often comes across as "this is the thing you have to do because your brain is unable to get away from the thought." So, I have to figure out my motivation for this type of project.

If I continue to want to do this project, then my next step is to break things down into small chunks that I can do in less than 10 minutes. I can get my work weary body to do something for 10 minutes. I write out all the steps that I need to do in order to complete the project, and then I can cross them out when I finish things.

All of those things have to wait, though, because I need to clear out the car before I go to one store for vitamins and another store for groceries and back again all before I can go to the movie to sit and watch something for a bit. After my chores are finished, I will start on the steps outlined here with my current projects to see if anything comes from all this...

I also still have to find my birth certificate copy...ugh. The to-do list just grows and grows.

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