Friday: "Tis the Season for Self-Reflection

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It is Friday, December 8, 2023, and I am in a self-reflective mode. I have been properly awake for just over an hour now, so I have spent some time thinking and looking around my office area. I can see my current self-employment quests posted on the wall next to pictures of my father. I can see my covered crafting desk where I have not been able to craft for the past several months due to my finger injury. I am rewatching Hilda on Netflix - a show that I enjoy. I am in a mood at the moment that encourages me to sit and think. It is time.

There are many things to think about.

I am ignoring as much of the news as I can - it is pretty easy to do. I know that being aware of things is good, but there comes a point where it is not healthy to only hear about the ways humans hurt each other. I reach that point very quickly, so I tend to avoid hearing the news. I read articles, but I do not watch or listen. This helps me think about the things that I can affect.

I am thinking about work. I am thinking about how I will survive as a music therapist if I cannot bend my ring finger enough to play a guitar. I am thinking about how I will survive as a human if I cannot bend my ring finger enough to do the things that I want to do. This is premature, of course. I am still waiting to talk to the hand specialist about what is going on with my finger, but I tend to think about "worst-case scenarios" in order to prepare myself for what might come next.

I am thinking about health. There are things that I have to get done this year - colonoscopy, weight reduction, continued focus on my breathing, getting my singing muscles tuned up. I am thinking about what to do to help me get into a better state of health.

I am thinking about my future. I have two and a half years before I can retire from my current school district with my full pension. I do not intend on stopping my music therapy life at that point, but I do not intend on working at my current facility anymore. My body cannot deal with the physical requirements. 

I am thinking about whether I want to continue training interns at my facility. I am not sure that I want to. Things are happening at work that I am not all that positive about, and I do not like bringing interns into my world when I am not happy with what is going on. I have a break starting in January where I will be therapist for six months without an intern. I might feel more positive about being a mentor after some time not being a mentor - that is what usually happens, but who knows? So, I am thinking about my near and far futures.

I am thinking about my music therapy future. What do I want to do as a vintage music therapist in the next twenty years? I am not sure, but I have many different ideas about what I want to do with my life. I know that I want to continue to be part of the profession, but I do not want to work at my facility anymore. I want to do more creating and more sharing and talking about music therapy with people. I want to continue to make music with other people.

There are many things to think about, and the cold, dark days of winter are the perfect time to think.

What can I offer to other music therapists? How can I get others to know about what I have out there already? How can I continue my music therapy career in a new way where I can keep doing what I love - music therapy - but do other things I love as well? These are the things I think about - especially on early Friday mornings.

I am going to stop thinking about things right now so I can start getting ready for work. Two groups and one individual today. I also have some task boxes to try to get finished, intern supervision to do, and TMEs to write. I think I will get fast food for breakfast this morning. I am sure that the thinking will not completely stop, but it is time to switch from contemplation to action steps for the immediate future rather than the far-off future. Happy Friday.

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