Synthesis Sunday: Not Reading This Time Around...Goblins

Let me get this out here from the beginning.

I did no professional reading this week. I moved my books to my comfy papasan chair to encourage me to read, but I didn't touch them other than that. They are still sitting where I placed them, but now they are covered by the towels that I have used this week. The towels will be going upstairs because it is laundry day, but the books will stay put. 

Yesterday, I wrote a very long post about my current state of being, but I did not publish it. There are times when I write but I don't share. I was able to work through some of my thoughts and expectations that I put on myself in a way that allowed me to distance my emotions from my realities. The last thing I did before sleep last night was to draw my goblins - my woulda, coulda, and shoulda goblins. 

If you don't know, one of the things that indicates to me that my emotional brain is taking over and I need to do some self-regulation exercises is an increase in the woulda, coulda, shoulda thoughts that happen. I WOULD be able to afford things IF I didn't do this... I COULD be better if I only knew every single song in the world. I SHOULD be able to make such and such something that makes me money if I were better. These are the types of thoughts that I find going through my head. I call them my goblins because I find that personifying them makes them easier for me to acknowledge and change.

I drew Shoulda a long time ago. He has made several appearances on my blog posts over the years. In fact, here he is now...

Hand-drawn figure is creeping over a wall, is mottled blue and green, and has yellow eyes. He has pointed ears, long fingernails on his four fingers, and a somewhat angry expression on his face.
He is creeping over a wall (the others are as well), mottled blue and green, and has yellow eyes. He has pointed ears, long fingernails on his four fingers, and a somewhat angry expression on his face. This is Shoulda.

Coulda and Woulda are loosely sketched in my bullet journal upstairs. I will debut them as soon as they are inked in and finished. I may even make small prints of them and put them in a frame on my desks to remind me that the intrusive thoughts happen but are not always reality.

Coulda is going to be an orange-yellow blob of a goblin - mainly because I tend to use my could statements when I am talking about chores that I ignore in favor of being a lazy blob on the couch or in my bed. So, Coulda will be a blob. I'm not sure how Woulda will end up - he may be purplish in hue, but I will see what I feel like when it is time to finish him up. I hope to have them all finished very soon. As part of the process, Shoulda may be a bit different pretty soon - I am thinking that watercolors will be fun for this project...

 

PLUG FOR SERVICES THAT I OFFER TO MUSIC THERAPISTS

I know it may sound silly to devote time to this type of project, but it works for me. That's what is important, right? Finding what works for each of us to help us navigate the world that we live in. I find it easier to interpret things that happen in my life when I do some sort of creative expression with it all. If you are someone who is struggling with situations in your music therapy professional life and want to explore things with another music therapist, consider contacting me about professional supervision. I'll be happy to meet with you for the first session without cost to you so we can discuss your goals and current professional needs. After that, sessions cost $35.00 per hour over Zoom with unlimited email contact. Contact me today to discuss this service in more detail.

Off to church work and car maintenance! Enjoy your Sunday! 

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