Thoughtful Thursday: A Therapist On Break, Thinking About Everything and Nothing and Things In Between

Today is Thursday, the day that I usually reserve for thinking about some topic or another. 

Today, however, I am stuck in anxiety mode and am trying really hard to break out of it all. I am going to be going to the memorial service of a friend's husband this evening. He died unexpectedly, and it is important to me to be there to support her. I do not expect a viewing or an open casket, but I never know around here what will happen in funeral services. I am taking my fourth COVID test right now to see if I am still testing as positive. Preliminary results seem to indicate that I am still germy, so I will do as much as I can to isolate and, of course, mask at the service. The test is not complete yet, but I can see the C line getting ready to be nice and dark. I'm tired of this.

My anxiety has manifested in its typical manner with lack of sleep, difficulty with all sorts of headaches and stress whooshes, and bouts of crying. Now, I am able to make myself sick for various and sundry things - I ran a low-grade fever right before my last scheduled colonoscopy in March 2020, and they refused to go through the procedure. The fever disappeared about 10 minutes after I was released from care. Ugh. I also have heat and humidity health complications - all of which are similar to COVID symptoms, so I am a mess at the moment. I can't tell if I am having a runny nose because it is allergy season or because it is COVID. Same with my asthma - I just can't tell! I am not running a temperature, so I know that isn't COVID - my allergy pattern tends to include difficulty with runny noses, breathing, and no temperature, so I am not sure what is happening.

Today is lawn day. My lawn guy came over and took a quick look at the yard and seemed to think that he could get things done pretty quickly today. Of course, today it is supposed to be thundering off and on all day. It has already rained once in between my initial waking time and the nap that I have already taken. I hope that my guy can get things done before rain starts up. I am ready to have a mown lawn. He asked me if I wanted a ground covering removed - I have no idea. I know that I want some of the creeping stuff gone from the side of the house and all that, but I don't know anything about plants. I guess it is time to start learning. I have had some success with peonies that I planted about 16 years ago at the church that are still going strong, but I only planted them, I haven't been the one pruning them. Stuff to learn...

Going back to work on Monday is going to be a shock to my system - having to get up early enough to get my morning routine going. I am still sleeping as much as I can. I only have twenty-three days until the next break, so there isn't much time to work before I can sleep all day again, but I have to get through those twenty-three days first. Only twelve of those days are work days, so life is not all that busy...

I spent some time decorating a new junk journal. This is one that I will be taking with me to the Midwestern region conference unless someone buys it first... I am filling this journal with cards and flips and belly bands and stickers and all sorts of stuff that I have had sitting around. I decided that it was time to use those things rather than hoarding them for some strange reason. I am using the time with the book pages to think about things.

COVID test still indicating positive protein presence in my nose. Okay. Still masking and limited contact with others for the near future. Nothing has really changed. I will continue to treat my symptoms - currently, needing my inhaler and some food. I will also try to remove myself from being around others as much as possible. Good thing that I got more at-home tests from the government so I can keep checking. The problem? I am very suggestible...

ANYWAY -

We return to work on Monday with some new co-workers and some missing co-workers and some new programs and changes in how we do things. I missed the last week of the contract year because I was sick, so I am not entirely sure what I will be walking into on Monday. Monday is the first day of the new contract year (we go from July to June). I am hoping to not have to use any sick time for the first three months of this year. That is my hope...my quest...my vision...

In the meantime, I am thinking about quests for this quarter - both professional and personal. I have transferred to another bullet journal, so my primary word of the year and quest pages went with the old journal. I want to take a picture and transfer it to the new journal, but I haven't found my VERY EXPENSIVE mini printer paper which would be the most convenient way to transfer this to the new book...you get it. I finally remembered that this year's word is "Explore," so I put that into my quarter 3 planning in the new journal. I think I will learn from this experience and make two spreads in this journal and the next journal (which I already have, by the way...) for my word of 2023 and my quests for the year. Then, it won't matter when I move from one journal to the next (which always happens in either May or June for me) because it will be there already... I always learn ways that I don't want to do things with each experience. So, this time it is going to be adding the word of the year and the quests to two journals in January rather than just the one.

Speaking of bullet journals, I am enjoying my Star Wars themed pages right now. I am doing a character per week, a planet per month, and will be doing a droid per quarter as soon as I choose the droid to start with for this quarter. I may do L0-LA59 because I can! That droid would be a cute one to start with, and I think I could draw the droid pretty easily. Time to start!

Thanks for going along on this journey as I get back into sharing my thoughts again. Three days after today before I am back in my work schedule. I have food to freeze into smaller portions. I have meat to buy while I have a little bit of money. I have a celebration of life to attend this evening. I have changes to face at work on Monday morning - things that will help me grow and become a different person a year from now. I have pages to decorate in my newest junk journal, and in between all of that, some time to just keep relaxing!!