Synthesis Sunday: Starting My Quest Into Identity

I have to admit that I am not the most "other focused" person in the world. If you read these posts, you will see that the most used word on this blog is (probably) "I." I do not work with many other music therapists, so I write from my own perspective as a therapist and as a musician and as a music therapist. I am trying really hard to expand my views from those that are in my realm of experience to see those of others. It is difficult to do since my reality is just that - my reality.

I have a cousin who is struggling with schizoaffective disorder right now. I believe it is of the bipolar type, but I do not have all the information. I know that the posts that are happening on social media indicate a skewed view of reality. I engaged in an interaction via social media and got shamed for offering a fact - the cousin decided that I was stupid for stating a fact that is geographically appropriate and then declared that I was an idiot. It was a bit hurtful because at that time, I had not heard the details. My other cousin reached out to explain the situation. As I was able to track back through the posts that my cousin had posted, I was able to track the disordered thinking and skewed reality experiences.

I bring this all up to reflect that reality is something very different for all of us. The reality that I experience is something that I inhabit. It is different from that of yours. I cannot discount the things that you have or continue to experience in your reality. If I did that, I would be negating my own experiences and my own reality.

One of the things that I am exploring this year (note the use of my word of the year here! - Quest level 1!!) is the concept of identity. For me, identity is a strange thing because it seems like labels are the focus. I realize that the idea of labeling myself can be empowering, but I am hesitant to do that because of the setting events of my life. I don't really care about knowing someone's sexual preference, and I don't think you need to know mine to be able to relate to me as a person or as a music therapist. This may be a strange Mary Jane thing or it may have something to do with my generation (I would be interested to know what you think about the generation thing or whether this is just my own feeling about the world), but I am not all that interested in telling everyone what to call me or how to interpret my presence in their personal realities. 

This is something that I want to understand a bit more about myself. I want to know why this type of labeling makes me uncomfortable. I want to understand why others feel the need to do something that I do not comprehend or even want to participate in at all. So, there's that.

I have no idea how I am going to do this, but I am getting started by thinking about what I where I am right now in my own reality.

So, back to the concept of reality.

I live in my life. I experience things that are common to others and things that are totally unique as well. I start from a place of interpretation that is shaped by my past experiences and current sensory information. How my brain works affects how I interpret the sensory information that bombards my body constantly. The identity that I have formed is based on what I have lived through, and it is mine. Other people have different perceptions of who I am, and I am fine with that concept. I have no ability to shape what others perceive in this world. All I can do is choose to engage with them in their realities while I am expanding my own reality. 

In my years as a music therapist, I have spent lots of time dabbling in ideas from other perspectives about music therapy and how humans relate to music. One of the most challenging dabbles was that of a feminist perspective. I did a little bit of reading on this particular topic for a project for AMTA several years ago, and I found that it challenged every single thought that I had about music and how it can be a foundation for therapeutic interaction. I was not comfortable with some of what I read, which means that it is a place to start my exploration. I need to find that book in my box of textbooks. It might be a good first book for the year. It might take me the entire year to go through the book because it challenges me so completely, but that's not a bad thing to have happen. Challenges to my reality are how I grow and change.

Do you have suggestions for more books or bloggers or articles that I can use in this first exploration? Please either interact with me via social media (where you found this blog post to begin with) or leave a comment below. Thanks for reading...