Anxiety Spirals are Happening Now...

I got some bad news about my move yesterday, and it has thrown me into all sorts of anxiety responses and reactions. I am already wound up extremely tight due to all the changes in my life at the moment, and this last news just threw me completely over the edge. I will be fine, but my financial situation will be extremely tight for the next year because of this news. I am reeling and trying really hard to calm my overactive response to this news. Worst case scenario, I can find yet another part-time job to make this a better deal for me, but I am hoping that I will not have to do that...yet or at all. We will see.

I will have to sit down with my budget and then wiggle things around to see how much money I will actually need every month to keep going. For example, I will no longer be paying for home insurance because that will be part of my mortgage payment, but I will have to pay for water and trash because that is not part of my mortgage the way it was part of my rent check each month. So, there are lots of things that are moving around in my budget at the moment. Good thing I write everything on that page in my journal in pencil! I am not in dire straits (there is enough money in my investments and my savings to cover this unexpected cost, but I do not want to drain all my money!

So, I am heading to work for the last day of this week to run three music therapy groups and two individual sessions while pushing my worries to the back of my mind. Hopefully. That is the most desirable outcome at this point. Once I finish my last group, I have to speed down the highways to get to the bank to get one more piece of all of this finished - the first financial piece - the bank is no longer open at convenient hours. So, I have to leave at the end of my clinical service and then slip into personal stress mode.

I have never done any of this stuff before. I know that I will be able to go through this process a bit easier the next time it has to happen, but this time is all unfamiliar territory for me. I am not sure what to expect even though I keep getting the same sort of messages from people - they all tell me little bits of the process that keep adding up to the same sort of process, but I still am not sure what to expect.

I went to my house on Tuesday for the walk through and met half of my neighbors. I cannot remember their names to save my life, but I know that they have two friendly dogs! I anticipate that I will get to know them pretty well - our windows overlook each other's houses and there is about 10 feet between our two duplex halves. (That reminds me, I need to get some curtains!) The house is smaller than I remembered, but is still more space than I have ever had before! I am looking forward to shopping for furniture slowly, finding things that I really like. My mom and my sister will be out for Christmas, and I know that they are already making plans to hit the thrift shops to find the essentials. I will need a kitchen table and some chairs and a couple of bed frames. I will be buying new mattresses for the beds that I want to have available for people when they come to visit. So, make plans to visit, okay?

I will actually move tomorrow morning. This is such a dream come true that I cannot believe that it is happening. While I am not pinching myself, I am still finding it hard to believe that the day is actually here! My current home life is not packed up completely, but it doesn't have to be...yet. I will be living between two addresses for the next week and a half, and possibly after that. I am going to tell you now that I may not be blogging much next week - internet will be on at one address and off at the other, and I am not sure where I will be most of the time.

Writing about this is helping me express my anxiety about all of this. That is one of the best things about having a blog - it is a place to get things sorted. I do better when I can think things through and then see it all written down. I find value in this (almost) daily practice, even when I have nothing of import to say. I also write posts that live forever in my draft folder because they are too much for me to share with other people, even in the thought that I want transparency of what I think and what I do with myself. There are just some things that are too raw and too inappropriate to share, even with you!

Alright. I have my phone charged up and ready to go. I have the bank number so I can call when I arrive and enter the lobby of the bank. The money that I need is in my checking account. I know who to make the check out to and will be able to get that check today. I will be finished before I usually get home, so I should be able to spend some more time packing things up for transfer tomorrow to my new home! My new home! My new home!!!


 I still can't believe it, but the day is almost here!

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