Three More Days of This Week

I really do not like Wednesdays when we get back into our regular school schedule. It has nothing to do with the groups that I see on Wednesdays - they are the same year round. It has everything to do with the fact that Wednesdays are now back to being the halfway point of my week. In our summer session, Tuesday afternoons are the halfway point. I am not a fan of the five day workweek.

Yesterday was rough. I ended up having to engage a client in a safety assist while other clients were in the music therapy room being supervised by my intern which is a technical no-no. We are back to being short-staffed and I had no support. Fortunately, I got through the assist without injury, but I am honestly traumatized by the injuries that I have received at the hands of my clients, and I was scared to do what I had to do. I did it, but I am not happy about it.

Today, I will take myself into the same situation that I have been in forever. Not enough staff to support what needs to happen in sessions. A sluggish brain that does not process information right now due to all sorts of reasons. Clients still under the grip of this virus. Co-workers that are getting sick. Not enough time to get things done and too much time to fill. Resources are scarce. Our administrators are not present. There are too many things at work to contemplate, and I haven't even started to talk about the personal pressures that are happening right now. There is grief that is compounded by the need to be present for my aunt who is really struggling right now. My sister is having work problems. I feel like all I hear about are the negative things around me. I don't know if that is true, but it does feel that way.

This morning has been a rough one so far. Not because of anything specific, but just because I have been ruminating on all of this negativity. Time to try to let some of it go in ways that are a bit more productive for me.

Yesterday, the situation that I found myself in was handled without anyone being hurt. It sucked as a situation, but no one was hurt. Not even me.

I still do not have symptoms of COVID other than my difficulty breathing that I have every year at this time. I will do my asthma treatments and return to that life so I can breathe a bit better.

I wrote two songs yesterday. 

I finished one TME and started another one yesterday during my office hours. 

I am overwhelmed, sure, but things are pretty good compared to last year at this same time when I was trying to navigate the world of playing instruments with one hand, not using my dominant hand to pick up anything, and trying to figure out what my future would include. Last year was a mess. My fingers are still triggering and are the source of constant pain, but I can use them more than I could last year.

My cousin's addiction cycle has ended. It has not ended in a way that any of us wanted, but it is now ended. There is no more wondering.

My intern is doing well in her training process.

Most of my sessions are going pretty well. The biggest sticking point for me is that the negative experiences that happened yesterday happened in the last session of the day and then took up more of my time with notifications and documentation - all of which are important and required, but that take up more time than I really had to spare. I wasn't able to get another student from class for guitar lessons because I had too much to do with the other parts of other things happening.

This isn't helping much.

Okay. Time to shift gears.

Today is the last day packed full of sessions. There are five today with the possibility of one individual session IF the student is out of quarantine. I do two of the sessions today, and my intern has the other three. I see the students who completely fell apart yesterday again today. My session strategy is in place since we could not do it yesterday due to the aforementioned falling apart. The last two days of this week are individual heavy but are group light.

I get a week off at the end of this month which will include a road trip to places familiar but that I have never driven to from here. I like driving and feel the need to be confined in my car for a long stretch of time so I can do my grieving and processing in ways that suit me. I will see family members that I haven't seen in a long time and three that I haven't met at all yet. It will be a time of grieving for some of the week, but it will also be a time for visiting. I have the promise of a truly unique ottoman to bring back with me - it is currently sitting in another cousin's antique store, just waiting for me to get it and bring it back with me. So, there will be good things that happen in this grief-purposed trip.

Okay, I am starting to feel better about things.

It is time to move into the world of children and adolescents who are struggling in their own ways. It is time to take their struggles and try to ease them a bit. It is time to reframe situations into other views to see if there are benefits to being in such places. It is time to go to work on this mid-week day and get things done!

Three more days.