Finding that My Priorities as a Music Therapist are Shifting

Oh, it is break time, which means that I have lots of time to myself to sit and think about things. This year is a bit more quiet as Bella has now gone and isn't here to distract or argue with me. So, my brain is trying to fill the silence with interesting and distracting things to think about in the middle of other tasks. For example, I woke up yesterday very upset that I had missed Pi Day. Now, I never do anything interesting or special for this day, but I was sincerely disappointed in myself for missing it. It was all I could think about when waking - "Man, I missed Pi Day." I then went to my computer to see that it was, in fact, Pi Day, and I had not missed anything! Why did my brain focus on that particular thing to stress me out about?? Who knows? It's just the way I'm navigating life these days, I guess.

Well, this morning's theme is "what do you really want to do with yourself?" It is conference season (and I am not attending ANY this year), so it is time for me to start my insidious habit of comparing myself to other music therapists and to find myself lacking in many ways. All this is coinciding with my time to myself, my one-track mind brain which just wants to drive me into dead end thinking, and stress about my future living arrangements. I have to talk about my finances today, so that's what is being avoided by all of this other thought interruptions...

Anyway, my brain is trying to figure out what I want to do as a music therapist. It is compounded a bit by thoughts of mortality and attempts to serve the profession that are denied to me by others. I also need to remember to have a realistic set of expectations. I am also reading a book that is trying to get me to follow my thoughts without my usual insistence on a safety net. It is scary to just blindly follow a dream, but perhaps I could do some little bits and steps towards that dream.

So, on this goal setting day (yep, this is my goal-setting day), I am trying to figure out what I want to do as a music therapist in the next decade. Seems like a good time frame for visioning and planning...I guess.

Here's what I know about myself.

I love being a music therapist. I enjoy every aspect of session development - strategizing, composing, implementation, documentation. I have been a clinician for almost three decades now, and I have learned so much about what is important and how to do this job. I love sharing my knowledge with other people, and I want to give as much information to others as I possibly can. I also, though, want to earn a bit of money for my knowledge, my information, and my creative property. So, I tread a fine line between giving everything of myself away and needing some financial compensation for the amount of time that I spend on the resources that I want to offer to others.

What else do I know about myself?

I am great at idea generation but lousy at idea completion. I often lose interest in a project before it is completed. That's a problem because I have so many ideas in progress that they take over my thoughts and my space.

I hate asking people for money. Money is something that I dread talking about - I am convinced that I cannot be a good salesperson because I hate approaching people to buy things that I offer. I am always thrilled when someone spends money on something that I create. It's an honor, but it really isn't, right? It is fair use - if I am spending time and energy on creating something that someone else wants to use, then it is only fair that I be reimbursed for that time. (I keep telling myself that over and over again.) Nothing in the world is free. Everything has a cost associated with it.

I like structure and boundaries. I like plans and strategies. I crave a timeline that has specific benchmarks and some accountability to someone other than myself.

So, as a music therapist, I know that I want to keep going with being a clinician. I love aspects of that job more than any other job that I have ever held, but I want to do more than just work with my clients. I want to help other music therapists do their jobs as well.

In my biggest, most audacious dreams, I want my website to be the first place that music therapists look when they have a question like "I work with client a whose goals are X, Y, and Z. What could I do with them in a music therapy session?" Of course, I encourage music therapists to find their own creativity, but it would be nice if they could then look up those goals in a database on my website to find the link to a therapeutic music experience that I have developed and provided for a small cost. I could also offer opportunities for therapists to expand their own creative practices through continuing education opportunities (because, why pay someone else to do what you are capable of doing??). I want therapy students to say, "I found this great website - musictherapyworks.com - and I signed up for all sorts of webinars that helped me understand how to assess a client for music therapy." I want music therapists to know that I am out there, trying to help them come up with ideas and to deepen their understanding of how music works as a therapeutic medium. 

So, my focus as a music therapist is shifting a bit towards focusing on the things that I do here at home rather than what I do in my clinic. Now, this may be a function of my current state of being at home and not working much this week, but it may also be a function of growing as a person and as a therapist.

Today will be day of talking to other people about my finances and whether I can afford to purchase a home. It will also be a time to think about how to get my services and products out there. I think I may do a quick giveaway...let me think about that...

Time to think a bit more deeply about where I want to be and what I want to be doing...