Bah! Humbug!!

This post started out as a rant about my current feelings about things, but I'm not interested in continuing that type of thought process. Just so you know, I woke up in a bad mood, ruminating on a situation that needs to be completed that I had no control over, and then finally taking the courageous step that I needed to do and finding that the situation is complete. The bad mood is still there - I am VERY much in "I don't want to do this anymore" mode and it is permeating my every pore this morning.

No. MJ, you are NOT going to dwell on this!

I spent some time in my bullet journal over the past two days. I neglected it over the past two weeks, but I am back to using it. I am also preparing my new journal - it will start at the end of June when my current one fills up. I am taking a bit of time to color in the format that I've selected. I've been using my marker collection (HUGE - it's a problem for me...) and some of the stickers that I've been given, have purchased, and have found. There is something really relaxing about erasing lines and then choosing a color for the week. I've drawn in July through September already.

Making my own bullet journal has been a good thing for me. I took the things that I like about the journal that I am currently using (regifted to me by my sister who doesn't do pen and paper scheduling) and have combined them with the things that really work for me. I hope that my new format will work for me the way it needs to for my own organizational needs.

Okay, enough about bullet journaling and back to the topic of this post.

It is a humbug type of day.

I am tired of all this stuff happening, and I am really tired about the worry that lurks in the back of my head all the time about the speed of reopening. Okay, another paragraph is deleted because I am spiraling into negativity again.

Positive things...hmmm...

• I have learned that I am not good at working from home. I wonder if I would be better at this if that is all I did all the time, but I don't think so. My current schedule is messed up in all sorts of ways. Four hours at work, two hours of commuting time, and an entire day at home to work on things that I am not set up to do at home. I feel like a failure at all of this - even though my rational brain knows differently. Would I be able to sustain a productive work pattern if I was at home all the time?? I don't think so. This is good information to have in my back pocket as I march towards retirement.
• I need to be able to be a therapist. I need to have clients in the same space that I occupy, and I need to be able to arrange my interactions with clients based on what they need and what I can do with them.
• I like doing webinars.
• I also like writing therapeutic music experiences (TMEs) based on fictional client types and then sharing those things with other music therapists. I think I have a good format for thinking through the processes that I feel should happen during therapeutic interactions. I hope that other people find value in both the process and the TMEs.
• I like writing.
• I like routines, and I crave a full-time routine these days. I have learned that I crave structure (no big surprise here), but I also want that structure to be imposed by other factors and not by me and me alone!
• My laundry is finished for the moment - no dirty clothing in my house right now. Towels? Well, that's another story. Even the sheets are clean right now. Checked that off my bullet journal list!!
• I have access to more television shows than I will EVER watch, even if I continue my current pattern of binge watching season after season...

I am getting bogged down in my humbug mood again as I am trying to figure out what to do with clients for the rest of the week. Everything that I want to do requires SO much cleaning afterwards that it is not possible until after all this blows over...

Pleasant thoughts - pleasant thoughts. I am going to make some breakfast. See you all later - hopefully after all this is over!