Tired. Anxious. Frustrated. Moving Forward on Other Things, Though

Are you ever stuck in a real-life nightmare where all your biggest insecurities are pushed at over and over again? I'm in that sort of situation at work right now, and no matter how I communicate what I need from the people who are part of the situation, I feel like I am ignored.

BIGGEST NIGHTMARE FOR ME, EVER!!

All of this stuff is leading me into digestion problems, waking up super early, not eating as much as I need to to sustain my best brain power, and constant second-guessing myself. 

The good news is that there are good things happening as well. I have a CMTE course coming up this weekend that I am co-leading with a music therapy colleague and co-worker of mine. I am not quite ready to get it all done, but I am doing pretty well with that planning. No one has signed up for the CMTE course that I am offering the next weekend, so I have plans to do all the recordings during the time I've carved out for the live presentation. Music therapy sessions are going well. I was able to meet a deadline this morning which makes me feel happy. I also sold some products this week - that is a great mood elevator. 

Here's what I'm learning through all of this stuff.

I am not very happy at my job right now, but it is not because of music therapy, my clients, or my interns. I am not happy at my job because I am not feeling like I am heard. The source of this situation is one person, exacerbated by the attitudes of people who say they are on my side but who are remarkably silent when I am asking for specific considerations like communication and being part of the decision making process for something that directly affects me.

My biggest nightmare. 

Isn't that interesting?? My biggest anxiety-producing situations include not being heard.

I wonder what that says about me...hmm.

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