Thougthful Thursday: Thinking About...

I've started this post two other times already, written about three paragraphs, and then deleted everything that I've written because it just hasn't felt right to me. Let's see if version #3 makes it to the final posting stage.


There are lots of thoughts in this post - things that affect me as a music therapist at this moment right now. I'm not exactly sure if this is the type of post that you all will like, but this blog is called music, therapy, and me, so today you get mostly me. You can certainly stop reading now, if you don't want to know what is going on in my brain. I need to get it out of my brain in a way that allows me to acknowledge what is going on and how I think about it all...there you go.

Anyway...

I have made it to the half-point of my time off, and I am starting to have some twinges of boredom and guilt and shame and all that. I am managing to get lots of rest, and my sleep patterns are all screwed up, but I am feeling a bit better than I did in the month of June - go figure! I've been to one movie with my self-care pass, and I think I'll go see another one either today or tomorrow or both days! My stack of projects is growing. I have two coping skills books to finish and then laminate, and a dinosaur rhythm card set to finish, publish on Teachers Pay Teachers, and then make to keep in my dinosaur theme folder. I've already burned two playlists to CDs to keep in the dinosaur theme folder, so I can check that part of the project off as complete! I am starting to think more about what I should be doing rather than just doing what I want to do, so I have to do some work to keep the "Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda" goblins at bay. The cat is starting to walk out of rooms when I enter them, so we are almost at our relationship saturation point - she will be glad to have be leave and go back to work in a week. I may be glad to go as well.

I'm starting to think about my professional goals for the upcoming school year. I've decided not to go to the AMTA conference in Minnesota, so I have decided to spend the money that I would usually spend on conference on other experiences. I paid for my current business challenge from that fund, and I have a bit more in my scrimped and saved fund, so I will be exploring options for other ways to get training and knowledge.

I'm doing lots of thinking these days. My mother thinks my father is having TIAs but refuses to talk to Dad about them. My brother went to the emergency room last night because he has a bad gallbladder, and Dad went with him. I've not heard anything from that part of the world, so I am feeling a bit anxious about unknown things happening for the male parts of my family. One of my nephews has some new situations and the other one is supposed to be visiting everyone else pretty soon. There is lots going on out there that I am not a part of - this leads to feelings of guilt and relief. The relief leads to more guilt. It's an interesting cycle - one that I am acknowledging and working through each time it happens. My brain is not very occupied by work issues, and my body is finally feeling rested, so the guilt starts to burst to the forefront.

So, in order not to feel this sort of guilt and anxiety, I throw myself into chores - wait! That's not it at all!!! Ba-ha-ha-ha-ha! Maybe I should try that. I could get back into my 30 minute pattern and get some things accomplished today while I am waiting for any bit of information about family members in certain situations. I will be waiting for a long time, I think. They don't usually remember to let me know what they all know because they are all directly involved in the situations.

I will keep thinking about wanting to help and being somewhat glad about not having to be in the center of the drama. I will try to decide what I want to figure out for the remainder of my break. It is time now to sort through something, throw some things away, and put other things back where they belong. The cat and I will watch the current storm until it blows away and then brings the next one in. We will do some cuddling (until she remembers that she doesn't want to be in the same room with me), and she'll get into my camera shots as I try to get some videotaping done this morning. (That's one of our things!) I will try to finish my dinosaur rhythm cards for Teachers Pay Teachers, and I will keep thinking and thinking and thinking.

After all, that's what Thursdays are all about around here - being thought full.

If you are still here, thank you for going through this with me. What types of things are you thinking about these days? Anyone else getting ready for the start of the school year? Anyone else thinking about family dynamics? Anyone else wondering what is happening outside of the world of music therapy?

See you tomorrow...back to think some thoughts.