A Small Courage Step

My word for this year (2019) is courage.

I am trying my best to do things that make my insides flop over, and I took another step yesterday. I submitted a presentation proposal for a conference in October that I have never attended or thought about before now. I had to go with a less technical topic than I usually present, but we'll see if it is accepted. If it is, then I have another entire conference to attend - in Southern California - in October, conveniently during my long weekend.

I'm not sure why this particular task qualified as a courage task, but it really did. The thought of speaking to therapists from other types of therapy is a bit daunting to me, but I feel confident in my topic (music's role in self-care), and I think that the topic will be well received. I'll see here in a bit, though.

Did you know that every time I post something on social media about my Teachers Pay Teachers store or the CMTE courses that I offer or the webinars that I love to facilitate or strange ideas here on my blog, it is an act of courage for me? I always get the stomach flops as I post things, especially if I am posting outside of my usual social media streams. Some of this is because of a nasty interaction several years back where a person decided to try to engage me in a confrontation about something that was not my fault, but I had posted something that led this person into strong feelings. This person's diatribe ended with a criticism about the self-promotion that led me to post in this public forum. That jibe, offered from a place of the other person's insecurity, struck home, so I am a bit self-promotion shy. I know that my feelings are somewhat ridiculous, but they are still there. So, I work through them by doing courageous small things when I can.

Courage is something that is completely personal and does not look the same for each person. For me, courage is doing the things that make my stomach flip over when I think about them. Most of the time, that means things like starting to think about realtors or stepping out of my comfort zone into a bigger world or trying something I would never do otherwise. In this year, I've identified five things that I've accomplished that are not something I have done before because I've been afraid to take the leaps. I think that's not too bad - five things in three months! There are still nine months of this year to keep going for more courageous things.

I've been doing something else that I've never done before. The past two nights, I've sat down for a bit and tried painting - watercolors. I've never really been able to do more than just smearing with watercolors before, but I've been watching lots of YouTube videos that feature watercolor use (yep, they are all bullet journal plan with me videos), and my sister gave me a set of liquid watercolors for Christmas, so I took a leap into using the paint for a project completely unrelated to music therapy. I've painted two small cards to go with some Bible study that I've wanted to start for a long time. I'm hoping that this process will be easily slipped into my evening routine - a bit of reading, a bit of spiritual processing, and some creative expression before bed. This step into something that is not really all that courageous in the eye of the beholder is still a big step of courage for me.

This year is all about doing those things that I never thought I was able to do. I am feeling good about my progress so far, and I'll spend more time trying something new every chance I can get.

Courage.