It Is Finished...I Think - Termination
I think I'm finished with Physical Therapy.
The reason I am not quite sure is that the Physical Therapist (PT) told me to talk to my Physician's Assistant (PA) and my PA told me it was the decision of my PT. Neither said specifically that I was finished, but I think I am. My testing on Wednesday indicated that the strength and functionality of my recovering leg was within spitting distance of the non-recovering leg, so the only thing left would be strengthening both sides more, but that is not the job of a physical therapist. So, I'm not going to PT this morning. The PT is supposed to call me at some time about this.
I am freaked out!
My parents tried to help me yesterday after the appointment by talking me through some of my feelings. I think most of my feelings are coming from a place of fear that I will do something to ruin this result and have to start over again. My PT recommends that I wear my brace at work for some time still. My PA didn't seem to think that was necessary (but she doesn't realize the spontaneity of my clients like my PT does, so I'll be taking his advice over hers at this time). Some of my feelings come from the idea of this relationship ending. I like my PT and am sad to go. I know I am physically ready, but PT has been a steady responsibility and experience for me over the past five months. I'm not exactly sure what I am going to do in the time that I get back because I am not going to PT.
My emotional mind is taking over from my rational mind.
My rational brain knows that the end of something doesn't mean the end of the world. My rational brain knows that it is time to leave the safety net of therapy and venture out into the world just as I am. My emotional brain is in mourning and doesn't really feel safe. It will take some time for my emotional brain to change and adapt, but it will happen.
I can tell you that this experience is making me rethink my individual music therapy focus (did I tell you that I get to start taking individuals pretty soon? I am more than ready!). Since I work in a situation where termination from therapy is not my choice or decision at all (many times, kids are removed from therapy due to decisions made by insurance companies against recommendations from the therapists working with the kids), it is my job to focus music therapy treatment on something that enables kids to develop coping skills and to give them tools to take with them.
I wonder what happens in the brains of my clients when they are moved from place to place, situation to situation, and support to support. I wonder how much they understand what is happening to them. I wonder if they think that everyone moves someplace new every 6 weeks. Is it any wonder that my clients have the lack of attention, connection, and emotion control that others seem to have? My own experience of therapy is making me think about our treatment model and how it doesn't really seem to give kids the tools they need for their lives.
I understand why parents of children in special education don't want my OT mother to retire. It's not necessarily because they don't think she should have the opportunity to retire, but she has been a part of their child's life for a long time. I am sure that they (as well as their children) have some of these same feelings. "What are we going to do without your expertise?" "What if we do something wrong?" "We don't know what to do and are scared!"
Right now, I have to be confident in what I've gained and continue to challenge myself to do things that scare me. That includes running a bit, jumping, and starting yoga again. The one thing that my PA did say was that I should wear my brace "whenever there is the potential of twisting or leaning in a dynamic environment." (For me, that translates to at work.)
So, on Monday, I'll go back to work and try to figure out what is next. I know I have to do CPR training and behavior management training before I am considered fully back to function. I should be able to do those things in the next four weeks and then get back into a regular routine of group and individual sessions.
With a changed outlook towards termination.
With a changed outlook towards music therapy treatment.
As a changed therapist.
The reason I am not quite sure is that the Physical Therapist (PT) told me to talk to my Physician's Assistant (PA) and my PA told me it was the decision of my PT. Neither said specifically that I was finished, but I think I am. My testing on Wednesday indicated that the strength and functionality of my recovering leg was within spitting distance of the non-recovering leg, so the only thing left would be strengthening both sides more, but that is not the job of a physical therapist. So, I'm not going to PT this morning. The PT is supposed to call me at some time about this.
I am freaked out!
My parents tried to help me yesterday after the appointment by talking me through some of my feelings. I think most of my feelings are coming from a place of fear that I will do something to ruin this result and have to start over again. My PT recommends that I wear my brace at work for some time still. My PA didn't seem to think that was necessary (but she doesn't realize the spontaneity of my clients like my PT does, so I'll be taking his advice over hers at this time). Some of my feelings come from the idea of this relationship ending. I like my PT and am sad to go. I know I am physically ready, but PT has been a steady responsibility and experience for me over the past five months. I'm not exactly sure what I am going to do in the time that I get back because I am not going to PT.
My emotional mind is taking over from my rational mind.
My rational brain knows that the end of something doesn't mean the end of the world. My rational brain knows that it is time to leave the safety net of therapy and venture out into the world just as I am. My emotional brain is in mourning and doesn't really feel safe. It will take some time for my emotional brain to change and adapt, but it will happen.
I can tell you that this experience is making me rethink my individual music therapy focus (did I tell you that I get to start taking individuals pretty soon? I am more than ready!). Since I work in a situation where termination from therapy is not my choice or decision at all (many times, kids are removed from therapy due to decisions made by insurance companies against recommendations from the therapists working with the kids), it is my job to focus music therapy treatment on something that enables kids to develop coping skills and to give them tools to take with them.
I wonder what happens in the brains of my clients when they are moved from place to place, situation to situation, and support to support. I wonder how much they understand what is happening to them. I wonder if they think that everyone moves someplace new every 6 weeks. Is it any wonder that my clients have the lack of attention, connection, and emotion control that others seem to have? My own experience of therapy is making me think about our treatment model and how it doesn't really seem to give kids the tools they need for their lives.
I understand why parents of children in special education don't want my OT mother to retire. It's not necessarily because they don't think she should have the opportunity to retire, but she has been a part of their child's life for a long time. I am sure that they (as well as their children) have some of these same feelings. "What are we going to do without your expertise?" "What if we do something wrong?" "We don't know what to do and are scared!"
Right now, I have to be confident in what I've gained and continue to challenge myself to do things that scare me. That includes running a bit, jumping, and starting yoga again. The one thing that my PA did say was that I should wear my brace "whenever there is the potential of twisting or leaning in a dynamic environment." (For me, that translates to at work.)
So, on Monday, I'll go back to work and try to figure out what is next. I know I have to do CPR training and behavior management training before I am considered fully back to function. I should be able to do those things in the next four weeks and then get back into a regular routine of group and individual sessions.
With a changed outlook towards termination.
With a changed outlook towards music therapy treatment.
As a changed therapist.
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