There Are Two More Hours To Go...Two More Hours To Go...Two More Hours To Go!

Anxiety has been showing it's ugly head quite often in the past 36 hours. As I wrote yesterday, I am currently overstimulated, overscheduled, and just plain wishing I could hibernate and that other people would just do things for me and let me wake up to a beautifully maintained home!

Alas, those types of wishes are not really all that possible on a music therapist's budget, so I am still packing and getting ready to start moving from my apartment to MY NEW HOME!

Yesterday involved having to leave work early to make it to the bank and get a cashier's check and then dash to the doctor to continue to consult about my current partial Achilles tendon rupture, and then heading home for some packing and talking to my Mom and my sister. Earlier in the week, I had an email from my loan processor saying that there were additional fees that I had to cover in my closing costs and I was armed with the exact amount when I went in for my check. I had paid for the check and currently have it under my constant watch when I managed to finish everything else on my list and headed home. When I got back onto my email account, I found another email from said loan processor that told me of yet another invoice and the final tax assessment and that there was another adjustment to my final costs. It was almost another thousand dollars! The processor had written, "If you already have your cashier's check, the title company will accept a personal check for the slight difference in cost."

BAM!

Full out anxiety attack - tears, hyperventilation, black spots in my vision, and I could feel my blood pressure increasing exponentially.

I furiously calculated how much money I have in my rapidly depleting accounts, and knew that I could handle that "slight difference in cost," but it also meant that spending money for my new place to live would have to be put on hold. I rode the anxiety wave until I could breathe normally and focus on the screen again, and then I wrote back.

My words were something along the lines of "oh, dear. That seems like more than just a slight difference. I will have to write a check as I have already obtained my cashier's check. Any other surprises coming in the next 24 hours?"

Thirty minutes later, I got yet ANOTHER email from the processor. "Oh, my apologies! I wrote the amount wrong! Here is the correct amount."

It ended up being only seven dollars more than my cashier's check. In my eyes, THAT is a SLIGHT difference - not the almost thousand dollars I had to come up with just 30 minutes before!

I gave up on the plan of packing and crawled under my covers to cry out all the anxiety chemicals in my brain. All of those tears were tears of relief! I can afford to do some furniture buying to furnish my new home and get mattresses for Mom and Sister to sleep on when they come to visit next month.

Why is it that all things happen at the same time?

Oh my.

I have been up since 3am and have packed up more and more of my things. I am only moving a short way down the road, so I am packing up things like the food and my clothing to take over rather than having the movers move them. I have about an hour in between signing all my money away and actually getting the keys, so I will spend that time packing up the car with the first day essentials and clothing. After I move all that stuff over, I will be back to pick up the food. I am not sure where I will be when during the next week and a half, but I will be making trips in between the two addresses as much as I can, taking things over to the new place and cleaning the old place as I am uncovering more and more. My robot vacuum is going to the new house today to start vacuuming over there. I will keep the steam cleaner and large vacuum at the apartment until I have finished cleaning all of the carpet!

Okay, I am down to an hour and a half until I have to be present.

I am wearing one of my Dad's t-shirts in an attempt to have him present while I do this today. He would approve - it is a shadow jayhawk - Rock Chalk?? I bought it for him several years ago, and he loved it! I took it when Mom gave me first pick of his t-shirts back in July. My sister and brother had already stated that they really didn't want the KU shirts, so I took them all. After all, I am a fellow Jayhawk! So, that is Dad being represented in this new big step in my life. I have missed him so much in this process. I have so many questions that he would have been able to answer, but he isn't here to talk directly to anymore.

I am now in my "excitement anxiety" spiral. There are so many things swirling around my head that I cannot really focus on much of anything. I just stood up, noticed a flat box and had to tape it open, all the time thinking, "I should move those boxes to the car...I should fill up this empty box...I should box up some of the instruments in the closet so I can move them over RIGHT NOW!" Nope. There is nothing that I SHOULD be doing (that is my very own, most destructive goblin - the shoulda goblin!). The only thing that I need to be doing right now is getting ready to show up at the title company to sign all sorts of things. After that, I only have to do what I can do today.

I have to remind myself of that fact over and over again. You would think I would get used to it, but I still have to remember that I can only do what I can do.

Soon. Very, very soon!! Let's seize this day and make it our own!

Eighty-one minutes to go.