Thoughtful Thursday: Keep It Together, Keep It Together, Keep It Together

One of my favorite movies is called Bowfinger. It stars Steve Martin, Eddie Murphy (in a dual role), Christine Baranski, Heather Graham, and a bunch of other people. There is time when one of Eddie's characters is experiencing a crisis brought on by the rest of them, and he is talking to his spiritual leader. He has established a mantra of "Keep it together," which becomes an acronym for him and is also his name - easy to remember. "Keep it together, keep it together, K-I-T, keep it together."

Since I love this movie, this has become one of my mantras over the years. I love it because it reminds me of something I love as well as gives me something to think about and hold onto during times that challenge me. This is one of those times.

I am entering a time of year that is usually pretty difficult for me to navigate. I am not fond of the summer months where I live. I tend to have more depression symptoms during the summer months than the winter months, and this year includes leaving my job for an unknown future, so the feelings are complex and constantly changing. This usually happens when the temperatures go up and the humidity makes it difficult for me to breathe. Welcome to my current state of being...

Stuff is taking over my life. I am transporting stuff from my music therapy room to my overcrowded home every day. I am trying to stuff as much stuff into my home as possible so I can spend some time going through things once I no longer have to work. Right now, stuff is just piling up and up, and there is so much more to bring home.

I am having to use my mantra all the time.

Between the stuff and termination talk with my students (who are reacting as I anticipated) and the need to find affordable insurance and constant questions from people about whether I am counting down the days, I am on edge all the time. Small hurdles are causing huge feelings. It is easy to become overwhelmed which is why my house looks the way it does right now. I am stressed about money, and I need to talk to my financial advisor to see what is going to happen. Thinking about things that are going to happen without a plan is difficult for me. I am a planner, and not knowing how much money I will be able to count on for my pension is difficult. I have some estimates, but I do not know how this will work out for me. Add in my seasonal depression, and I am feeling very stressed. I am also grieving for my work status and also am excited about what lies ahead of me. This is the worst possible time to be moving to a fixed income with the current level of inflation and price gouging that seems to be happening, and that just increases my stress. Blech!

Keep it together!

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