This Has Been Quite a Week

My apologies for not writing more this week. The urge was there, but the rants were just ongoing, and I felt that I did not need to express my angst and challenges in this forum.

Blech.

In the past five days, we have had tornadoes close to work, large hail that damaged work vehicles, lots of rain leading to flooding, branches down, kids in safety shelter past their bedtimes twice, crabbiness from everyone when asked to do basic tasks like sitting in a chair. Personally, I am still not feeling well - I feel better, but not well. I have not been able to get myself going or find any motivation to get anything finished. To top it all off, my gardeners broke my sliding glass door last night, so now I have to figure out how to navigate repairs. They will be paying to replace the door since they broke it. I feel bad that it will cost them so much money, but at the same time, I don't have money for something someone else broke. The best thing is that it just broke the outside panel so my home is still secure-ish. Now, though, I have to clear up the office space so that someone can replace the door at some time in the near future. I did not need that additional stress, but life happens.

My students are acting out more than usual. It has been rare that a group goes wrong, but not this week. There have been tantrums, aggression, verbal aggression and threats coming from every corner this week - not just in music therapy, but everywhere. I am glad that I only see two groups today because I am wiped out! I blame our storm changed schedules and the lack of sleep for most of the reactions displayed by our students, but who knows?

Through it all, I have struggled to present a calm, therapeutic demeanor. I snapped during one session and yelled at a student who was not the primary trigger for my anger but who was not listening and was acting in a way that was not safe for them. I honestly do not feel too bad about the yelling, but it was definitely not my usual manner of reacting to client issues. 

We are all struggling. It is mid-April, and our patience with each other is thin. Our next break from each other is not until the end of May. My time with my students is rapidly diminishing, and I am aware of that fact. My suitemates are now gone, and it is rare that I interact with people outside of my music therapy sessions. I am lonely but okay.

It is time to figure out what to do next week with my students. Fridays are my planning/preparation days, so I have time to sit with my thoughts and figure out my strategies. One of the difficulties that I have is planning for specific groups because they change all the time - students move from class to class, staff members move also. It is hard to figure out who is going to be present in any session that I do, and there are adjustments to be made for each combination of students that arrive for music therapy. This is exhausting as well. What a mess!

Anyway, as this may be my last April in education, I will strive to continue moving forward and being responsive to my clients - in whatever state they arrive to my room.

That's what I do.