Manufacturing Stress

I have one more day with kids before the official end of the 2024-2025 school year. Today is the end-of-the-school-year bash, and I have been very cranky about it in the last 24 hours.

Before I get to that, though -

Graduation went well. We had our usual spinning clients and technological issues, but it went well. After that, the "specialists" at our school (AKA the ones running the aforementioned bash) got together to start putting things together for the event tomorrow.

That's where my stress began.

I am in charge of the photo booth at this bash thing. I have arranged for the props and have started the backdrop for said booth. We have two, large, inflatable doo-hickeys coming this morning to be set up. Now, in the past, we have had difficulties with said doo-hickeys. They are not able to be run on the same electric line because they blow the breakers. They are never the size we expect, and we often have to rearrange things (like photo booths) after the inflatables arrive because they do not fit with our plans.

The art therapist decided how she wanted things set up and did not appear to understand that I did not want to take time setting up my spot until after we put the inflatables in their places. There was lots of nagging going on, but it was passive aggressive type nagging. "I'll help you put things together." I didn't want help then. I don't want help now. I know what I want to do, and I will get it done before people arrive for the bash. It's my job to set up and run the photo booth. I know what time I have available to me, and I can accomplish what I want with my booth in that time.

So, my body started manifesting this as stress. For me, that means that I have more bowel instability and the acid reflux gets going. It means less sleep and more overthinking situations that are not as big as I think they are. It means more crying and lots of emotional stuffing because I don't want to lose control in front of other people. It also means that the source of most of this stuff is not really stress but is made up of my emotional responses to things.

Emotions are powerful, and these last two months have been very emotional - lots of secondary emotions to be soaked up and processed before I can do anything for myself. At the moment, I am not sure which emotions are mine and which are others'. I am ready for a rest, but I'm not going to get one.

After today, we have the district breakfast, behavior management training, and then it is break. I have to go on a marathon cleaning spree because I haven't finished my house for human habitation (other than myself). I have made some progress, but I am nowhere near finished. After tomorrow, I will have two full days and part of a third to get things pulled together. Family descends on me on day three of the break. and then we are off to other things.

My goal for today is to get through it.

While I am tired of seeing the other person's perspective, I understand that much of the nagging is coming from their viewpoint and not my own - even when I am clear about why I am making the decisions that I am making, I am not heard. I'm not sure how much clearer I can be other than what I said - "I don't want to set up my booth until we know where the inflatables are going to be." Who knows what is going through the head of my co-workers who just keep pushing.

Today is my birthday, and I have reached another milestone. I am officially a senior citizen in the eyes of the world. I don't feel this old, but I also feel older than this, especially when stress takes over my world.

Stress is something we all live with all the time - both the eustress and distress versions. What is going on right now is distress, not eustress. 

It is time to head out and get started on this form of stress.

See you on the other side...

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