Tired, Mourning a Job, and Trying My Best

This is the first Holy Week in over two and a half decades where I am not leading worship as a church leader.

I had a very down day yesterday, and I think that this is part of it. I am still mourning the loss of my part-time church job this school year. I know that they took advantage of me and used me in ways that were not part of my job description, but I still miss that role. I loved the people in the congregation (at least, the ones that didn't make do everything that others wouldn't volunteer to do, the ones who changed aspects of my job every Sunday morning, and the ones who outright lied to me many times), and I loved being part of their worship routine. I don't miss the liars and the hypocrites who felt that I should be doing jobs that were not my own without changing my salary or even giving me a cost of living increase for eight years. Even with all of that, I still miss the job - or is it the worship that I miss? I do not know.

The feeling of grief was exacerbated by a dream that I had. I was fostering puppies and thinking that it was easier to foster puppies than kittens because I am not really a dog person and thought, "I haven't heard the cat moving around today." That's when I woke up and remembered that Bella-cat is no longer with me. That led me to think about my Dad who is no longer with us, and then I saw all the stuff about Palm Sunday. The grief settled into missing my church role for the rest of the day.

By the end of the day, I had missed a call and a text from my sister because I was wrestling with a drawer in my kitchen that someone decided to nail up rather than fix the rails. I didn't even know there was a drawer there, but I do now. I pried that thing open with my hammer.

This week is a regular week at work except that kids have Friday off. We have had that day completely off as well recently, but not this year for some strange reason. We have to go in for professional development - curriculum updates (not related to my job) and staff incentive training (two hours of reading ridiculous scripts written by our BCBA who seems to feel that we need to be using Applied Behavior Analysis techniques on staff members - I disagree and find it ridiculous that we have to go through this training over and over again). After that, we have a "mystery team builder" that will require that we leave campus and "bring a lawn chair." I do not have a lawn chair and will not be buying one, so I will be bringing a tablecloth to sit on instead. About the only thing that will save me from having to spend time out in the sun (contraindicated by my medications) is a rain storm.

I do NOT like surprises, especially when they involve an outdoors where I get sick more quickly than inside settings. 

I started writing late, so I have to get going. Thank you for reading.

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