music, therapy, and me

I am horrible with making goals for myself and sticking through with them. I mean, I can write the goals no problem - I do that all the time, but I don't follow through. I am lousy at that particular part of the goal-followed life. So, I try to trick myself into viewing these things as "quests" rather than "goals" to see if it will work better for me. It does, to a point, and then it doesn't anymore. I am currently in one of those times when it doesn't work anymore. Now, I have all sorts of excuses - some good, some not so good. I have a broken finger which makes typing, writing, and composing challenging. I am sick again with the same sort of stuff I had in May which saps my strength and makes me just want to sleep all the time. My brain is stuck in survival mode which means that creativity is pushed to the side in favor of just getting through it all. I am lazy and just don't want to write any sort of therapeutic music experiences right now. I have...

I have been brought down low by either a severe allergy or a cold. I am leaning towards allergy, but my recent allergy testing showed that I am not very allergic to just about everything. I am definitely reactive to lots of things, but there is a difference, apparently.  Most of my co-workers have been out for several days recently. I think I finally got what everyone else had earlier this month. My problem is that this type of thing never stops at just a cold for me. It lingers. I had an episode of stuff (not the same as this stuff) starting on my birthday and lasting for six weeks. No one knew what it was and I went through so much medication and changing information that I just kinda gave up. Right now, I am not able to play instruments easily (heading back to the workers compensation doctor on Friday to see if my bone is fusing together or needs additional stuff to happen), and I cannot face time when I cannot sing either. The last round of crap that I went through required the...

I am currently in a medication fog, sitting here, trying to figure out what to write this morning. This has been a pretty good week in the music therapy room. We have finished fourteen groups and have only five groups and a whole bunch of individual sessions to go. Thursdays are the times in my work week where most of my work is behind me. While I wish that things were a bit more spread out, I am fine with having the schedule that I have right now. While my brain is waking up, I am trying really hard to come up with some ideas to work on. I haven't written down any more TMEs for this week, so I am not moving forward on that goal... yet. I am changing how I am writing TMEs, so things aren't in my familiar manner - this is part of the experiment that I am doing to see if I am overloading interns with work. I figured that my familiarity with my system might make my time recording a bit less accurate, so I am now using a Google form to record my ideas. The Google form that I am usi...

It is 4:30am, and I've been up for an hour now. This wasn't planned or desired - it just happened, so I am trying to wake up and think at the same time. As I woke up, I heard some thunderclaps, so I might have been awakened by the rain that is going on right now. Who knows?   I have been spending some of my non-client time engaged in thinking about the hidden curriculum present in my internship program (I wrote about this on Monday in this post , if you are interested in knowing more). I have spent some time refining the skills that I want an intern to possess before they start my program. I am developing interview questions to help me identify some of these skills. I am going back and thinking more about what I think being a professional in my work setting means - the skills and responsibilities of being a professional. What I am finding is that my interns do not have some of the essential tools that I think they need to be successful music therapists later on. As we are all a...

Last week, I did not get any sort of TME production accomplished. If you are a first-time reader then you probably don't know that I am working on writing 5 TMEs per week in an experiment. I ask my interns to do the same thing, so I am examining whether I can do that task. I can, when I bother. I, of course, am navigating all sorts of things including a work-related hand injury which stops me from playing both the guitar and the keyboard for the next month, at least. My TME productivity plummeted last week as I was going through adjusting to my new reality of an awkwardly broken finger on my dominant hand that interferes with my ability to write and type and compose. So, I took a week away from TME development, but I started up again yesterday. I am finished with everything except the actual transcription of the music - again, can't play instruments easily right now... can't even do body percussion with my left hand... That is the part that is the most frustrating right now...

Have you ever heard of "the hidden curriculum?" This concept (resources that I found helpful are listed below) is that there are many things that are included in education that are not part of the formal learning objectives. Students have to learn how to function within the educational culture in order to succeed. Those who conform to the expectations that are in addition to the educational material presented are more successful than those who do not conform. The "hidden" part comes from the situation that these expectations are often not taught or demonstrated - they just exist in the mind of the educators. I'm not exactly sure why this particular phrase popped into my head this morning - I haven't been thinking about what I will write this morning - but it seems like a good time to write about all of this. As you know, I sometimes struggle with situations that arise from being in an internship setting. One of those things is getting interns to complete tas...

One of the things that I like about doing these looks back into topics I wrote about before is that I have the advantage of hindsight to allow me to think through the happenings of those days. Today's randomly selected glimpse back into the past comes to us from March 3, 2020 - ten days before the world closed due to COVID. This was a chance to show off some of the work that I do and offer out there in the world for music therapists and others to get for themselves.  Now, I am not really good at advertising myself very well. In March 2020, I was planning on having my first exhibition at the Midwestern Regional conference, but that plan crashed when the world closed. I still have not had an exhibit at a conference. This past year was the first time I went to a live conference, and I was not ready to try again. My next opportunity will be in 2025, and I do want to try to have an exhibit at that point. I love making things for others to use for inspiration, and I want people to acces...

I have today without obligation and with some restrictions as to what I can and cannot do, so I am trying to figure out what I can get going within my current restrictions. Do you know one of the most interesting difficulties with having a broken ring finger? I CANNOT TYPE A BLOOMING THING WITHOUT SIGNIFICANT SPACING ERRORS AND SPELLING ERRORS!!! I am having to backspace type (which my father declared was his form of typing) in every sentence! This makes writing more difficult than usual. I am grateful that you cannot see my errors in these posts... I am missing my opportunities to make things these days - I can't crochet, I can't make books, I can't paint, I can't use scissors, I can't do anything! I can't use my guitar or my keyboard to help me compose. I am very much stuck in "poor me" mode when it comes to creating. I still have about a month before I will be able to work on strengthening. In the meantime, I am faced with long hours of doing very l...

It has been several days since I have posted. I wrote a post yesterday, but it wasn't what I like to put out into the world, so it will forever remain a draft. I have lots of posts like that - ideas that are just too private or are just too confused to share with others. So, I write, but I don't always publish my paragraphs. There is a bit of wisdom in remembering that things do not have to be shared with the general public. Several months ago, a classmate of mine and I decided that we needed to be referred to as "Vintage music therapists." You know the ones - the ones that are experienced but not old enough to retire yet. The ones that started their careers in the 20th century but have transitioned into being 21st century therapists because they had no other choice. The therapists who started their careers in the CD age and now work with streaming services (but don't fully trust those streaming services because of previous instances where the wi-fi wasn't str...

I am currently in the awkward place of going through the assignments that I offer to my interns during their internships. I am having to make decisions about what to include and what to let go of right now. Now, this is something that I do to some extent after every run of interns. I always review their assignments and look at what worked and what has to be changed. Over the last three interns, as I have mentioned several times lately, no one has been able to finish assignments on their due dates. This concerns me as it indicates (to me, at least) a failure on my part to help my interns establish good time management practices during their time with me. So, I am trying to figure out all sorts of things when it comes to assignments. For this process, I start with the AMTA competencies. In case you didn't know, I strive to run an internship that is governed by the AMTA competencies - every assignment is based on the competencies and is part of the operational definitions that I have ...

In August 2020, I received a hand injury that I thought was going to destroy my ability to do my job. Five days ago, I acquired another injury on the same hand and on one of the same fingers as in 2020. Today's posts are going to look at what I was feeling three years ago and see what I can extrapolate knowing how things turned out. There are times when hindsight can help. The first post happened on August 26, 2020 . The second post happened three days later on August 29, 2020 . They were both concerned with what I was going to do as a music therapist with two broken fingers - one actually fractured and one with a tendon rupture. Since I am in the same sort of position now, I thought I would take a look back at what I was going through with some ability to reflect. This time around, I have a fracture in the middle phalanx of my left ring finger. Last time, it was a fracture in the distal phalanx (if you are not sure what any of that means - middle finger joint and fingertip respect...

Now, if you read the title and are wondering if I have a recently lost a body part, relax. I haven't, but I did break a finger - well...I didn't break it - it was broken for me - on Wednesday. Gotta love my Wednesdays, right? Egad! Anyway. It was confirmed that the ring finger on my left hand is fractured...again...in a different place this time. I currently have six weeks of splinting and limited use of my left hand in front of me. This is a problem for me because 1) I am left-handed and cannot hold a writing utensil easily, and 2) every single thing I do for relaxation and leisure requires the use of my left hand - writing, drawing, crocheting, playing my guitar/keyboard/ukulele, making books, hand stitching... every - single - thing. So, how do I create when I cannot do what I do for creative expression? Ugh. Fortunately, I have been through this before, so I have some experience with not being able to use my hand. The last time a client broke my hand, I had tendon damage to...

Eesh. It has been a rough couple of days, and I am feeling the stressors piling up on each other. I feel a bit like Luisa in Encanto  - under the pressure of more and more weight while wanting to remove the weight of loved ones. No details here, but there are family considerations going on that are hard to navigate from 1500 miles away. To add to it all, I had a finger injury on Wednesday, caused by a client, which means Worker's Comp and the associated headaches that go along with that type of medical issue. If you're thinking, "oh, so we're doing THIS again," just know that I'm feeling it as well. I find out today if there is any hidden damage to the finger that got wrenched all the way back on Wednesday morning. This is one of the two fingers that got injured back in 2020 - it is NOT the one that had the tendon separation; it is the one that had a small fracture at the distal phalange. The injury is at the proximal phalange and metacarpal this time.  When I...

There are all sorts of negative things happening around the world. I am trying really hard to remain positive in my small corner of the world but it is difficult when every single thing that you encounter is just plain old horrible. So, I am searching for the positives that are still happening but are overshadowed by the negative.  I read a post yesterday about mindfulness and it reminded me of the focus that we had about 10-15 years ago when "mindfulness" was all the rage! Every single conference focused on specific techniques that we music therapists could do to help us with the rigors of being helpers. That terminology has gone by the wayside in recent years, but this point of view is one that is valuable for me. It was nice to be reminded during my morning habits. So, I spent some time with my journal being specifically mindful. This is not a habit with me at this point, but I want it to become more natural to engage in this type of thinking. Since it helps me figure out ...

I have been through some interesting experiences over the past two weeks, but I am trying to see if what I am asking my interns to do is too much. I sat down and calculated the amount of time that my interns spend in direct leadership, in observation, and how much time I am expecting for them to use in session documentation.  In their 42.5 hour work week, they are leading 9 hours of sessions. They are observing another 6 hours of sessions. I anticipate about 40 minutes per group for documentation so, the amount of time for documentation varies from day to day but should take no longer than 6 hours per week for documentation (that is lots of time for documentation, but it still adds up to just over half the time at the facility per week for direct clients services). That leaves 21.5 hours. We have one hour per week for consultation and about 2 hours per week for meetings - taking us down to 18.5 hours left for practicing and assignments. To me, that seems to be lots of time to get t...

I have been struggling with something but found some validation and guidance during my part-time job yesterday. I am also getting some more support from a poll that I posted on social media, so I have been obsessively thinking about this topic less than I was before yesterday. This is a good thing since the thoughts were really taking over everything on Saturday. I was privy to a conversation yesterday between two women in their 70's. They were talking about the fact that many of the people that they help out are unable to do things like make macaroni and cheese from a box. The conversation morphed into wondering why they knew how to do things like make change and tell time on an analog clock and why young adults now cannot do these things. This conversation was enlightening to me because I have noticed some changes in how the young adults I mentor have been doing the job of being a therapist. Now, I've noticed learning changes for quite some time with interns - a marked decrea...

It is Sunday, so I am taking a glimpse at a random post from past me. Today's post (from the random number generator) was #1797 . I looked at the archives and found that this post was written on March 8, 2018 and was all about taking time to make things work. This same topic comes up again and again for me. Do I rush through something because I have to have some sort of product at the end of the process, or do I take the time to do things with thought and care? One thing that I have found is that rushing often means having to go back and fix things which requires undoing and more time. I think one of the benefits of living through a global pandemic where my job situation changed about every six weeks for about 8 months before going back to the "new normal" was that I learned to let some things go. I no longer want to do everything for everyone all the time. I am better about saying "no" when I need to do so. I was able to find new foci for my time and energy. I...