Sentimental Sunday: Not Randomly Selected Today...Just Looking Back to What Happened Before...

In August 2020, I received a hand injury that I thought was going to destroy my ability to do my job. Five days ago, I acquired another injury on the same hand and on one of the same fingers as in 2020. Today's posts are going to look at what I was feeling three years ago and see what I can extrapolate knowing how things turned out. There are times when hindsight can help.

The first post happened on August 26, 2020. The second post happened three days later on August 29, 2020. They were both concerned with what I was going to do as a music therapist with two broken fingers - one actually fractured and one with a tendon rupture. Since I am in the same sort of position now, I thought I would take a look back at what I was going through with some ability to reflect.

This time around, I have a fracture in the middle phalanx of my left ring finger. Last time, it was a fracture in the distal phalanx (if you are not sure what any of that means - middle finger joint and fingertip respectively). I will probably not have any therapy this time around, but I will have to do some strengthening on my own to get muscles which will atrophy back to playing strength.

I have a full finger splint on the ring finger. I had to ask for some more co-ban to use to keep the splint on the finger because they did not give me any. I keep knocking it against things and THEN remembering that I have to be careful with my hand. The first post was written the day after the first injury when I had too many questions and zero answers. The second post was written after I had consulted with the hand specialist about the injury and had a bit more hope.

Looking back over the past three years which included the months and months of therapy and splinting and locking joints, I know that I will recover from this type of injury. This time around, though, I am concerned about why this type of injury is happening to me more often than it used to. My worker's compensation doctor is also concerned about my bone density. Lovely.

This time around, I know that I can do music therapy without my guitar. I know that I prefer using my instruments, but I can do this without them. I know that getting my finger back to playing shape will take time, exercise, and pain.

I am also a bit stuck in "why me" mode right now. I am disgusted with myself that this happened to me. I'm fully into "this isn't FAIR" whinging right now. Of course, that type of outlook is not helpful, but it is also something that has to be acknowledged and worked through. If I don't allow myself to feel sorry, then it is difficult to move into acceptance and recovery.

If I do not move from the self-pity stage, I will be miserable and that could impede my healing, so it is time to pull myself out. Last time around, I decided that I could focus on digital creations as a way to find my creativity with these barriers. I'm not sure how many things I did - I will have to check. I have plans for the next six weeks of splinting - mostly based on typing rather than writing things or making things. Time to switch it up a bit again and figure things out.

Baby stepping into the day... one step at a time.

Thank you for reminding me, past me, that I can do this. I may not want to, but I am able to do so. It is okay to feel what I feel and to wallow a bit before finding my next steps. Time to get ready for work.