The Fourth of July

There aren't many things that I'm afraid of in this world, but being close to loud firework displays are one of those things. I remember my first, clear 4th of July memory being under an ocean side display with the sparks raining down on us. I freaked out - probably started crying uncontrollably. I was scared that we were going to catch on fire, and I was a bit dizzy as well - all of those moving lights. My aunt and uncle, who had taken us to the display, figured out that my baby sister, who appeared exhilarated by the fireworks, was completely fine, but I was completely not. So, being good people, they split us up. My aunt took me to the car where we were far enough away that the sparks weren't directly overhead of me, and my uncle stayed with my sister. I remember being able to calm down away from the fireworks before the end of the show. Lots of people came by to get to cars, and I remember looking for my sister and Uncle in the crowd. When they did arrive, my sister was riding on my uncle's shoulders. I was able to see her before him. This is an important memory for me.

I have other 4th of July memories - setting off fireworks for the first time at the beach with my best friend and her family (and being terrified that someone would burn themselves) when I was 14. Calling the police because someone thought it would be a good idea to sit under my awning, setting off fireworks towards my car, at 2am. Hello? Why would you think that your neighbors wouldn't call the police if you were making such a racket at 2am? Barbeques with my family around the pool.

I am still not fond of firecrackers or being too close to fireworks, but I no longer freak out when I'm close. I just move away until I can handle the stimulation, the surprise, and the crowds, and I can tolerate them just fine. My favorite way to view fireworks is from miles away - I like the panoramic view of the valley where my parents live - you can see many different fireworks shows from many different places. No muss, no fuss, limited noise, and everything below you.

This year, I'll be in my bedroom, watching television with the fans on, when the fireworks start. My cat doesn't like them either, so we will both retreat to our place of calm and try to keep ourselves together while others shoot off fireworks (they're not allowed within city limits, but that doesn't deter anyone out here...). I won't be going out to find a display. I'm okay with not seeing big fireworks.

My celebration will include thinking about others who have legitimate reasons to be afraid or startled by fireworks. I'll also spend some time remembering the reason behind this celebration - the start of a new country, the end of tyranny (as perceived by the founding folks), and the opportunity to try a new way of doing this government thing.

Happy 239th, America!  



UPDATE: My aunt told me more of the story to my first experience with fireworks. Apparently, something went wrong with the display. It was on a ship moored significantly off-shore, and the fireworks started off over the water, well away from us. Something happened and the display fell over. That led to the fireworks being shot off over our heads, lower than usual, and over the beach instead of the water. The show ended abruptly when all of the fireworks lit simultaneously and exploded. (My aunt and uncle never shared that part of the story before - my mother didn't even know that that's what had happened.) It's no wonder I felt that they were exploding over my head, dropping on top of us - they actually were!

It's nice to know that there are times when you find that an irrational fear of something is actually founded in a real situation where fear is warranted. My fear isn't irrational after all!