music, therapy, and me

Yesterday was a challenging day. Not because of clients - they were just what I expect from my clients - but the staff and the universe conspired against me - AGAIN! I was called to the principal's office to discuss an event that happened during my Tuesday sessions. I have a client who is targeting me and new staff who do not understand that the reason that he is targeting me is to get attention from a preferred staff member who is not in the session anymore - for some reason unknown to the teachers in this school. When the preferred staff member arrives, this client will stop engaging in targeting me and will sit next to the preferred staff member. I have requested that this staff member stop engaging with the client during his outbursts and instead attend to all the students who are engaging appropriately. I have asked this staff member over and over again to not reinforce the attacks by paying attention to the client. Anyway, this client attacked me on Tuesday - hit me in the fa...

Here it is... Yet another Wednesday, and I don't have a writing plan. I really hate when I do not have a plan. My brain craves structure. I like planning, and being without a plan causes stress in my life. Add in the fact that this is Wednesday, I am perpetually exhausted, and I really don't want to go to work today, and this day is not going the way I want it to. It was hard to get up, and I am going to take a later than usual day. So, a website for Wednesday... Have you all checked out Bear Paw Creek ?  Bear Paw Creek is a music and movement focused company that produces movement props. Janet Stephens, the owner, is the sister of a music therapist, and started making these props to help music therapists (and others, but let's be serious - this is a music therapy blog, so...) tote things around. Starting with bags, Janet moved into making other props as well - scarves, balloon balls, body bands. I do not get any sort of financial recompense for sending you to Bear Paw Cre...

Here I sit - again - staring at a blinking cursor on my computer screen as I scramble for something to write about. You know what? I am just going to go back to what I know the best - talking about writing therapeutic music experiences (TMEs and my selection for what to call what I do with my clients during sessions) and making sure that others can replicate those TMEs with their clients. So, TME Tuesday is returning - at least for today. I will try to make this a thing, but my brain is not tracking themes for writing very well at the moment. (It is now on a super-sticky post-it note on my monitor - that usually helps - super-sticky post-its are a wonderful invention for my brain and organizational needs!)   It has been some time since I created something completely new, from scratch, and then written it down so I could replicate it. I tend to engage in lots of improvisation in my work, but those songs just evaporate when I try to write them down. As such, I have to write things do...

I spent much of my Friday afternoon making file folder activities for one of the teachers in my school who needed some large safety sign practice folders. So, I sat down and cut out all sorts of safety signs from Breezy Special Ed . There are twelve different folders in the set that my school uses, so I made a complete copy for the teacher in folder size and am continuing to make smaller versions in half size for some of the other students in my school. As I was making the folders, I was reminded of my thesis where I wrote songs specifically for sight-word recognition purposes. Many of the safety signs were also part of our sight-word list back then, so I already have a bunch of songs written that go along with the file folders. Of course, my sings do not cover all the signs on any of the folders, but that's the way things go. My thesis was uninteresting, especially to me. I got laryngitis during the testing period so I am sure that things were affected by that fact, but it was jus...

I didn't do much music listening during my commutes this week, but I did spend about an hour and a half making file folder activities and singing to my favorites playlist on Spotify on Friday afternoon. I listened to many different songs in that time, but none of them really stuck with me. As a result, it is difficult to find a song for today's Sunday Song. I am glad that I am listening to more music these days. There is something lonely when I do not spend much time listening and making music for myself. Since I left my church job a year ago, I have not been singing in worship or with others at all, and I miss it a bit. I don't miss the church community - I still have the great big knife in my back that they shoved in there - but I do miss singing with people. Music listening is a good way to get back into musicking for myself.  It is amazing how quickly I get into a feeling like I need to have no music around me. Music is my job, but it is also what got me to music therap...

I get to escape to my happy place today and finish up a whole bunch of file folder activities for one of our teachers. I ran out of Velcro on Wednesday evening, so I couldn't finish then, but I have replenished my stash and am ready to go! This is truly something that I enjoy. I like taking paper and turning it into activities of various kinds. My joy comes in the making of such things. I tend to get a bit distressed when I watch people using those things that I have crafted with my hands. So, it is easier for me to make multiple copies and send them out into the world rather than make things for my clients to use. That's where the Pristine Folder comes in. For every project that I make for my music therapy sessions, I make one that lives within a filing cabinet. It does not get touched by hands other than mine because I can take it when folders are ripped or crumpled knowing that there is one that is picture perfect - Pinterest Perfect - safely tucked away. With the folders I ...

I am flummoxed about finding something new to write about this Wednesday morning. All of the websites that I can come up with that influences my world as a music therapist is something I have already written about at one time or another. It is interesting to get to the point where I need to go exploring around the internet to see if there is anything new out there for me. So, here is a list of my favorite websites for music therapy resources and ideas... there really isn't anything new... Pinterest TPT (formally known as Teachers Pay Teachers ) Ms. Stouffer's Music Room West Music Music Is Elementary Bear Paw Creek   What am I missing? I use these for lots of purposes, but usually to either give me some inspiration or for materials. I often will browse and then write TMEs or make visuals to support ideas that I generate. TPT is the best for that type of process for me. Bear Paw Creek is great for durable props like scarves, body bands, and balloon balls (I am looking forward to...

It is time to revisit the idea of thematic music therapy programming in my blog. I don't always remember this particular theme for Tuesday posts, but I feel like I need the structure this morning, so here goes! For today's theme, I am focusing on emotions. The book packet that I am putting together is based on a book where emotions are displayed in inappropriate ways. I enjoy the book so much, especially the illustrations. I have all the TMEs planned out, but I haven't written them down yet. That's the next step. One of the things that happens over and over in my sessions - often by well-intentioned adults rather than my clients - is that emotions are labeled as good or bad rather than just there. I stress, over and over again, that emotions are not the important thing - it is how we handle our emotions that make them good or bad. If we are feeling angry, then that is fine. If we are feeling angry and hit someone, that is a bad action that came through our emotional sta...

It is Monday again, and I am watching a British sewing show as I am sitting here. There is a stack of file folders waiting lamination, but I am not really all that interested in laminating at the moment. I could get through the stack pretty quickly, but I think I will wait until this afternoon to get this part of my project finished. Laminating folders is a good task when my brain and body are tired. I can just sit, watch television, and feed folders through the laminating machine. These folders are not for me. They are not something I will use in my sessions at my current facility. They are for a teacher who has specific goals for these folders. One of the things that I do during my planning/preparation time at work is make these things for others. So, I have a stack of large safety signs that I am making in large and mini versions. When I am making visuals, I always try to make them in file folder size and both larger than that and smaller than that as well. My thinking behind having...

One of my quests for this year is to rip all of my CDs (yep, I still have CDs) onto my computer so I have the music in digital form without having to stream. So, I have been ripping CDs and listening to more music lately. I have realized that music has been missing from my life lately... Now, let me clarify because I am musicking all the time with my clients, but I have not been engaging in music for me lately. I listen to what my clients want to hear, not what I need in my own musical journey. So, part of this quest is to remind me of music for me. I was asked why I still have all of my CDs, and the simple reason is that I paid good money for all of these, and I don't want to give them away! I will keep them for as long as I possibly can! As I was listening and ripping and appreciating the music I have collected over the years, I have started to select songs for specific reasons (because I am a music therapist and goals are ALWAYS things that I think about - even for myself). One ...

I always have both too much time and too little time to do things. It is an interesting conundrum that exists only in my own head. For example, I did very little that ended up being constructive at work yesterday because I didn't have all the things that I needed to do here at home done. So, I diddled around, doing the therapy that was scheduled, finishing my documentation for the week, and then staring into the void. I often feel this way at work - like I am not doing what I should be doing (that shoulda goblin is rearing its ugly head these days). I have so much that I want to be doing that I just can't - for all sorts of emotional reasons. I have an appointment for co-mentoring this morning in three hours, and I am facing some task paralysis. There is something I can't forget in three hours, so I cannot do anything now. Welcome to my brain. I am currently in political overwhelm and despair. This is also affecting my brain and my ability to use time in an effective manner...

'Tis the season for working with a new group of co-workers who do not understand what music therapy is or how music therapy works in my therapy space. I have had to ask every single one of them not to yell positive reinforcement over the music - whether it be my singing or the recordings that we are listening to or the improvisations we are creating as a group. I got spoken to by the principal about it as well. Now, I am not against positive reinforcement - not at all. I am against co-workers yelling over the therapeutic medium in order to give such positive reinforcement. I am against the interruption of the music processing and creation that occurs when people start to yell in order to be heard over the music. I am against the interruption of instruction. I am tired of constantly being interrupted by people who do not get what I do and how I am doing it. I am trying not to take it personally at the moment, but I also feel like I am repeating myself over and over again. The new st...

I am sitting here, with eyes crossing, and my brain not quite clicking away, trying to write something. I found that I didn't publish my post yesterday which offers you a glimpse into my headspace lately. Anyway - bonus post today!! As for today, I am trying to engage in blogging in this early morning, but nothing really is clicking. This is indicative of everything that is happening these days. Nothing is really clicking. I finally decided to scrap my songwriting idea for Orff instrument improvisation, and it worked with groups yesterday. I will try to replicate the experiences today for my five groups. "That client" and the other "that client" are in my second group of the day, so I expect some resistance to the use of the instruments. Still, I am heading into the fray to try yet again. There is literally nothing else for me to say. My head hurts all the time these days - allergies to corn must and dust, regular dust, grass pollen, and all that stuff. I am on ...

I am struggling with all sorts of things on this Tuesday morning. I am not really wanting to get going to work. I really want to spend time doing things other than work, but I don't know what those things are. I just know that I don't want to put on outside clothing right now. I think I got used to being home during my recuperation and am now wanting that to be the reality. Ten more months to go until things will change around here. So, Tuesdays are five group days. I have two groups in the morning and three groups in the afternoon. This is a relatively new schedule for me on Tuesdays, and I am still having to remind myself that I have three groups in the afternoons. Fortunately, the third afternoon group is one that seems to enjoy being in music therapy, so it makes the addition something pleasant. I have melody writing on my schedule for this week during the school year, but I'm not really all that excited about writing melodies. One thing I know is that I do not tend to ...

One of my quests for this year is to get back into listening to music again. It has been a long time since I have spent time listening just to listen. Since music has been my job, I go through periods of time when I just cannot listen to anything outside of music therapy sessions. I am missing music at the moment, so I am making an effort to bring music back into my daily way of engaging in life. I am ripping my CD library onto my computer, and I am rediscovering music that I have loved in the past. I loved the era of burning CDs, and I have lots of "favorites" CDs that I have found in my music library. I pulled out a CD case with "all-time favorites," made in 2007-ish. Curious to see what I loved back then, I popped it into my CD player in my car and have been listening during my commutes. One of the things that I can say with certainty is that I love much of the music of Garth Brooks. There you go. The music that I have included of his always makes me smile. so re...

Fun Friday. When I get to work today, I have to do documentation for the last three days as well as for the two groups that I will see today. That's the only task that has to get finished - well, other than the two groups that are on my schedule. So, I have about seven hours of planning and preparation time. I still do not know what we are going to do in the four day week that happens next week. I will have that situation fixed by the time I leave work this afternoon. My office/storage space is still a mess from the end of May when I had to move my large instruments into my office to accommodate an office for some other people. (I'm still waiting for my supervisor to inform me of this fact...). There are drum set pieces and visual aid making materials everywhere. It is an absolute mess that I have little to no interest in doing anything about, but I need to. I will load up a backpack and one of my reusable grocery bags with things from my office and toy cabinet that do not need...

I hit another exhaustion wall yesterday. My body reminding me that it was rearranged two months ago and that we both are still recovering from the rigors of surgery, anaesthesia, and the constant stressors of changing diagnoses as well as specialists every couple of days. So, I remained at home and slept. I feel better today and was able to crawl out of bed without crying or falling, so that's a positive thing. I missed five groups yesterday, and my mother heaped a whole bunch of guilt on my head last night, so I am ashamed of the fact that I was unable to continue my therapy day after taking my shower and finding it difficult to move my legs to get over the side of the tub.  This is what always happens. I start off trying to be proactive with my self-care, but I end up feeling guilt and shame for taking time for that self-care which increases the need for self-care. It is a never ending loop of shame and guilt that is also exhausting. I know about shame cycles and all that, but th...

I am struggling to get up and get going this morning. Not because of anything about work or "that client" (who made it through a choice session without a peep!) or anything stressful or medical or anything, but just because. When I woke from a deep sleep last night, I cried because the light was on, but I was so tired still. I lounged in my bed until an hour after I woke up because I just couldn't bring myself to get up. I am paying for that now. This is the first time in a long time that the morning temperatures are refreshing rather than hot and humid. It is a glimpse that autumn is coming, and I am all for it, but it also plays havoc on my sleep patterns. This post will be short and sweet because I will have to leave for work pretty soon. This week is our Musicians of the Month and leisure skill development week. We are using different instruments after we listen to music by performers born in this month. I am working on showing my clients that there are options for le...

One of the things that I enjoy is developing therapeutic music experiences (TMEs) which happens to be the term that I like for what I do with my clients during sessions. Others call these things interventions or applications or modules. I am currently designing TMEs to go along with a book that I bought at Thriftbooks.com. It is my goal to have one book organized with TMEs to go along with it for each month of the year. The first one is getting started, and I am revisiting my TME process and refining it all. So, let's catch up about this. I started writing TMEs (we didn't call them that back in 1989, by the way - we called them applications - I didn't like that term very much, even back then, but I didn't argue) in my second semester of music therapy education. We had to come up with 25 things to do with music therapy clients during the semester. It was rough to create that many ideas, but I did it. I wrote down my ideas on 4X6 inch index cards. I still have them, of co...