music, therapy, and me

I am at the end of my second week of enforced rest and healing after my abdominal surgery at the end of last month. I have two and a half weeks left before I go back to my full-time job as a clinical music therapist at a psychiatric residential treatment facility in the associated school. This "rest" has been something necessary but difficult nonetheless. I do not do a good job of self-entertaining when work is happening without me. Now don't get me wrong. There are benefits to being out of work at the moment. First, I am able to rest while my body works on healing the connections that have been recently made. Second, I get bored with my own company, and that makes going back to work much easier. Third, it has been many years since I have had this much time off from work, so I am reveling in the opportunity to become this bored. I do better when I am occupied. Being on an enforced break from work means that my brain is grasping for any sort of thought that it can generate...

Here I am, sitting in my bed, and thinking about blogging again - second day in a row!! There is hamburger on the stove, cooking up for various different entrees this week, and I am watching silly sitcoms. I am debating whether I really want to leave my house today. I really don't want to, but I know I need to. Yesterday, I went to Michaels and bought some containers, watercolor paper, and the good erasers. I hit my exhaustion wall after walking around Michaels. I am not sure that I want to go out in the heat and humidity today. The problem is that I need to be walking so I either do it here or outside where it is hot. I bought some containers yesterday. They are portable file folder containers WITH an organizing section for things like pencils, pens, and super sticky post-it notes. As you know, I am a sucker for super sticky post-it notes, so having space for them in an organization tool is a wonderful thing for me. I was thinking about organizing tools when I was walking around t...

Wow. It has been a while since I have written anything on this blog - mainly because I have been in the middle of surgery, recovery, and trying my best to get back into something resembling normalcy. I have had good news - the medical issue that has been plaguing me has now been resolved. I have a new specialist to see next week, but that will probably be a formality rather than a continuing relationship. I am now sitting at home, recovering from having my gut cut up, rearranged, and put back together again. My surgeon has dictated (with my mother's support) that I will not be returning to work until the start of the new school year. So, I am sitting at home instead of being at the extended school year session at work.  I went to shop yesterday to get my steps in, and halfway around the store, I felt the exhaustion set in. I leaned on the shopping cart for the rest of the walk and then returned to my home. I am tired today, and my body is not really doing all the things that it sho...

This is my second attempt at a post for today. There are times when I just can't post what I am writing because it is not conducive to my mental health or the purpose of this blog. So, the first post of the day went into my draft folder. I will not look at it again. It will just sit in that folder forever and ever. Let's talk about something that makes me feel happy - creating art and other craft processes. Yesterday, I sat on my bed and I created some word art. Word art is something I enjoy - I use it as a stream of consciousness tool for myself. I write words in different fonts. The words are sometimes sentences, sometimes just single words, but they always show me something about how I am feeling or what I am struggling with in the moment. Sometimes there are song lyrics involved. Most of the time, though, the words are just that - words without much to link them together. Yesterday's art consisted of emotion words about my near future and covered all of my current emoti...

And, here we are - FINALLY! The first day of my break. It stormed yesterday afternoon - lots of rain and thunder while a front rolled through the area. Rain came in bits and spurts but the thunder was pretty continuous there for a while. I am hoping that the storm will have decreased the heat and humidity, but I sincerely doubt that it did. Yeah - a quick look at my weather app shows that we have 88% humidity at the moment with a forecasted temperature of 91 (before the heat index kicks in). The storms did not help at all, but that's okay. It is what summer is like out here. I miss the dry heat of California. No more dwelling on that thought. Let's talk a bit more about what this break will be for me. I am going on an extended break because I am having another bowel resection on Monday. A part of my gut is growing things that it shouldn't, so it has to be removed. My mother is arriving tomorrow to help me out during my recovery. I have two days to get my house in order and ...

Well, I woke up later than usual (yay,me!), so this might be a quick post. "That client" had no negative responses yesterday. That's two sessions without screaming and huge tantrums requiring assistance to remain safe! Two sessions!! The heat hasn't broken but might today. Might. I have five sessions between me and the next break, and I am more than ready. I will have my room to myself today - the other two people who now share my space have taken today off. That means blissful, glorious silence during my rare non-session time. I think I am ready for the next steps in my medical journey. I have almost everything that I need already. I just have to go get a couple of last minute prep materials, and I'm all set. I am nervous, anxious, and just plain old tired.  On Monday, that step will be over, and all that will be left will be the recovery process. At least, let's hope that is the case. There is so much still unknown about what is going on with me. Five sessio...

The first post that I attempted to write today was bumming me out, so I decided to keep it as a draft and try to write something else. Just so you know, I am not looking forward to the next two days or the "break" activities that I have scheduled. That was the theme of the rejected post for this morning. I cannot dwell or my day will be pretty lousy. So, here is attempt #2 for this morning. I was thinking that I have not updated my budget information for a bit. I have paused the envelope system for the moment. This month is a bit screwy, so I decided not to get my usual allowance for my envelopes. I will update it as soon as my medical bills are paid off. I can get back to that system at any time. It did work for me, and I have a bit of tweaking to do, but the foundation was sound. In between my envelope pause and everything else happening in my life, I am finding it difficult to focus on just about anything. Things are uncertain and uncertainty is not something that I deal w...

Three days and sixteen sessions left before the end of the contract year, the end of the first summer session, and before my surgery. "That client" had another perfect session yesterday - not even a whimper and allowed me and peers to use materials without protest. That means that Wednesday's session will probably be a doozy, but I'll take it! The problem with having highly reactive clients is that the entire session is a tenterhooks situation for me. I am on edge the entire time "that client" is present - I cannot relax or drop my attention towards "that client." It is exhausting. I do not feel like we talk about the unintended situations and trauma that can come with being around specific client populations. It is not something that we often speak about in courses - being hurt by clients, being around clients who display aggressive or self-injurious behavior, being yelled at by clients. All of these situations are things that I work through on a ...

I have one week left before I am in surgery for a medical issue, one more week of summer session before the start of the new contract year, and six days until my mother arrives for her second visit of the summer. I spent this weekend doing absolutely nothing as the heat and humidity raged outside. In the next seven days, I have to clean my kitchen, get a rental car, prepare for surgery, finish my sub plans for work for the week I will be gone, and get ready for when I am able to return to work. I moved into the library room for the duration since it is so hot upstairs compared to downstairs. I am sleeping on the day bed which is surprisingly comfortable, but is a bit small for my body. The big bed in the music room next door is ready for my mom, so I am not sleeping in there. I will move back upstairs for surgery preparation and for my initial recovery period. My anxiety is pretty high right now. This is pretty typical for me with medical anything. I get nervous and then everything jus...

I went to sleep in a world where we weren't in a war. I woke up in a world where we are. I hate what is happening. 

I am still brainstorming potential themes for my future blogging. It is not really something that I am devoting lots of time towards, but the thoughts are percolating a bit as I continue to do what I usually do. Having themes is not really all that important, but it does help me organize my thoughts when I am sitting at the computer, wondering what to write about. Without a theme, I tend to act like I am trying to figure out what to eat for dinner. It is hot here, so I am not going to leave my house today. I am going to spend time clearing out some boxes in my bedroom so I can navigate easily after abdominal surgery in nine days. My hospital bag is packed with clothing and charging cables. Mom's bed is made and ready for her. I still need to clean the kitchen - I always have good intentions that flop miserably when I actually walk into the kitchen. I have the fixins for my grandma's chili, so I will stir up a big pot of that to eat this week. I am still slogging through Sense a...

I made it. This was a rough week for me emotionally. It was up and down with client interactions and engagement, but I did not want to move from my house to work every day this week. This happens to me more often in the summer months, and I know that a big part of my reluctance and negative thoughts are part of my particular version of seasonal affective disorder. Knowing that fact doesn't always make it easier to live through, but I do. We are getting ready for our first round of high heat and humidity this upcoming week. I am considering moving downstairs until my surgery so I can be more comfortable at night in the basement temperature instead of the upstairs temperatures. I have 10 more days before my surgery happens, so there is plenty of time to be comfortable. Anyway... I had a brainstorm yesterday for a theme packet for my sing about songs  series. My sister helped me come up with some things to include in the new packet - look for it soon in my Teachers Pay Teachers (TPT) ...

Today is the last day of my workweek. Around work, some of us affectionately call this day "Thursday-Friday" because that encapsulates the feeling of what this day means to us all. I am more than ready for this. It has been a week of insomnia, red eyes, unpredictable students, and rising heat and humidity. Let's finish this week in a strong manner and then just go! "That client" spent three minutes in music therapy before escalating into a screaming tantrum that lasted the entire session. I was singing "that client's" verse of the opening song - which "that client" volunteered for, and I guess "that client" was upset that I dared to sing to them.  My other groups went well, I guess. No one else was incensed by my singing, so I guess that was a good thing. I have finished sixteen groups and have only five to go today. The last group includes another "that client," so it may be a rough afternoon. At my school job, studen...

I slept better last night than the previous nights which is a good thing as I am heading into a session with "that client" again. Monday's session was smooth and quiet which means today's will probably be a doozy. I am not looking forward to the interaction, but that's the way life goes, so off I head to remind "that client" that is is fine to make choices for oneself but not for everyone. I don't want to dwell on "that client" today. I just want to recognize that it is the middle of my summer schedule workweek and move on. Today is my busiest day in the summer - six groups with four back to back. I fully intend to collapse as soon as I get home. After today's session marathon, I will only have five more groups for the week before the three day weekend.  I have less preparation to do for my mother's visit in 10 days than I had at the start of the last break, but I still need to vacuum and clean and get things put together. Her bed i...

It is another summer school Tuesday, and I did not sleep well - again. I am not doing well when it comes to sleeping these days. I am not really all that worried about my upcoming surgery - I don't think - but perhaps something is happening on a subconscious level that is interfering. Who knows at this point. All I know right now is that I have five groups ahead of me today.  "That client" was perfect yesterday. No issues at all in music therapy. Apparently, listening to Disney music is acceptable. I am sure it will not be acceptable to today's version of "that client." Two of the three are completely uninterested in anything I have to offer. They refuse to even sit in chairs. The entire session is a wrestling match. It is ridiculous, and I am just not looking forward to anything to do with music therapy right now. I tried to sleep last night, but it didn't happen. I could not get comfortable in my bed or my body. There are supposed to be storms in the a...

Well. My intentions to write everyday is already threatened by my summer way of doing things. I did not get up until later than usual and am sitting upstairs 9 minutes before I usually leave for work trying to make my brain work. I am struggling to do anything that makes any sense at all, and I have run out of all my sick time for this year, so I will have to get to work. I don't want to go.  "That client" is coming in today, and I am just tired of having to do therapy over screaming and tantrums. I am overwhelmed by "that client" and the response to ANYTHING I try - it is always the same - screaming, tantrum, safety assist. I am starting to dread any day where "that client" is scheduled for music therapy. Someone outside of my program suggested that I should do MORE, individualized music therapy for "that client." I flatly refused. I am not going to set myself up for significant injury by taking someone who hates music therapy for more music...

Oh dear. I have not really been in a consistent or interested writing mode lately, but I think this might change. I am starting to get more interested in writing things about music, therapy, and me again. We will see, and there will be interruptions to my writing since I have some stuff to go through in the next couple of weeks, but I am starting to get more interested in different topics. I may be doing more themed posts in the near future. Who knows? Thank you for being here - for reading the things that I post, even when they are not all that applicable to music or therapy. At the moment, I am getting ready for new adventures. It seems like a good time to do this pivot while I have a full-time salary and can build things up without making money from it all. So, be prepared for some advertisements from me in the near future - showcases of the things that I already use in my life as a music therapist that might make your music therapy life move a bit differently. It is time to get goi...

This is an old picture!! If you've been reading my blog lately, then you know that I recently took an organizing quiz over at Clutterbug. I thought I was a butterfly, but the quiz tells me that I am a bee. I've taken it twice now, so I guess I really am a bee. Now, when I read through the description of bees, according to Cas, it fits. I am a perfectionist. I do have tons of projects going all the time, and I do prefer to see my stuff rather than put it out of sight. We bees tend to have hoarder tendencies as well. I think my mom is a bee also. One of the things that Cas from Clutterbug recommends for bees is open shelving and clear boxes. Now, I don't have lots of money to purchase beautiful, clear, acrylic drawers for all of my stuff, but I do have enough money to go to the Dollar Tree to get some gray, fabric boxes for my instruments. So, that's what I did. Yesterday, I went to the local Dollar Tree and spend about 13 dollars on boxes for my instrument room. I bought...

Today is the first day in my first three-day weekend of the extended school year. I am ready. "That client" performed as expected and had a 30 minute tantrum because I dared to allow peers to play instruments. We have new students who are having absolutely NO honeymoon adjustment period. Every class has either new peers or new staff or both. It has been a difficult week. That week is over. I now have the luxury of a three-day weekend, and I am enjoying the thought of not having to go to work. There are plenty of things to do here - laundry, dishes, clearing out space, making Mom's bed up for her upcoming trip. Plenty to do. I also have the opportunity to stay in my pjs as long as possible, take long showers, go see a movie, and sleep in. All of these things are good for me, as is the time away from other people. I am an introvert - as high on the continuum of personality as it is possible to get. I enjoy time away from others. I am not likely to be heading out to events a...

It is Wednesday, a full moon day, and I am somewhat inclined to whine right now. So, let's get this over with. I have six sessions today. One of those sessions has "that client" in it, and I do not want to do that session. I am tired and am having some knee pain in addition to the worry that slides into my brain at strange times. I woke up extra early today after a couple of strange dreams that I actually remembered - one was about a former boss of mine and the other was about driving into a body of flooded water and sinking in my little car. It is strange what comes into your brain at various times. My head hurts, and I am hungry - on my way to being hangry... I think I am finished whining - at least for the moment. I reserve the right to return to my whiny self at any moment. I have six sessions today. This is one of two schedule changes that occur during our extended school year. I have some difficulty with changing my established routine, but it is something that has ...

Day one of my extended school year is over. "That client" was in attendance and screamed at me twice but waited to escalate until their next therapy session. I did not do my organization routine, but I did go through about 300 emails and finished my documentation including my notes, so there is that. The most difficult part of the day was the constancy of having someone else in my space. The vocational team has moved back into my room, and they open doors and talk almost continuously during what was my quiet time. I did not know how much I have become accustomed to my quiet time until now. It is gone. On the way home from work, I was contacted by the next specialist that I need to be involved with due to my current medical situations. I have another appointment on the books for next month. July is filling up with medical things. Today, I add another group to my routine. They will come in at noon - a new time for them and for me to do music therapy. It will take a bit of getti...

I am getting ready to head back to work after a strange break. I'm not ready to be at work - another week of sleeping would be nice, but I am better than I was two Fridays ago about being a therapist. I am stressed because I have lots to do that I have to hurry up and wait for others to initiate. Sirens stopped at my neighbor's house this morning about 10 minutes ago - not a usual thing in this neighborhood. I can't see what is happening because they are my "over the back fence" neighbors. I am watching Canadian television shows in my time before leaving for work. I can check on my plans for this week's sessions from home, but I am not going to. That is something that can wait for my return to work. Today is one of the days where I find being a therapist is a difficult thing. I am returning to a work situation where we have many new students, many familiar students will have left, and where classroom groups will have changed significantly. I am not sure who wi...