music, therapy, and me

My feelings got hurt yesterday, and I am tired of feeling this way. So, from now on, I am going to be a bit more assertive about what I need. Let me explain. I attend the clinical team meeting on Thursdays. I am usually the only school-based therapist who attends, and the clinical supervisor (not my supervisor) always refers to me as "school." Never my name. Never my modality. Just "school." Now, when there are others present, we are grouped together into the title of "school" - at least, usually.  Yesterday, our two certified occupational therapy assistants attended the meeting. When it was our turn to speak, the invitation was presented in this manner - "School and the occupational therapists." That made me feel less than, and I am not less than. Why am I singled out for something that is inaccurate? I am not "school." I am a music therapist. I have been doing music therapy at this facility for longer than anyone else on the team. I a...

I'm sorry that I've been silent for the last two days - my allergies have been very challenging so far, and I decided that resting was more important than writing. At the moment, I am finally moving into the gurgly cough stage of things, so it will either be getting better or getting worse from here on out. It is no longer a dry, wheezy cough, now it is full out gurgling! This happens every spring, and it complicates my life so much! Enough of that talk, though. This morning, I had a bit of a panic when I came downstairs and my computer didn't boot up. We had a power failure two night ago, and I guess the computer didn't like that much. It took over 15 minutes before the computer booted up. I was mildly panicked about having to break my recently achieved financial goal to buy a new computer, but that's what savings accounts are for, so I would do it if I had to. Fortunately, it did FINALLY arrive at the boot sequence, so I won't have to go shopping for computers...

It is Monday morning at 4:57aam, and I am sitting down to write a bit here on the blog. I am watching a video from Bentley House Minis (I love watching others create miniatures, but that is not something I do for myself - that's what my Mom is currently doing, though) and thinking about the upcoming week. It is Musicians of the Month and Leisure Skills week, so my preparation is limited. When I get to work, I will put together a playlist of musicians who were born in April. After that, I have to add up the amounts in my students' accounts and set prices for various things. My groups that earn money to use in selecting things will be spending that money today. My groups that do not earn money will have an opportunity to select what to do as well.  I do not have anything to think about except for my basic job responsibilities. There are no special events for this week (as far as I know) that I have to participate in. I have a Zoom meeting on Thursday afternoon, but no other oblig...

How can it already be Sunday again? And the 20th? Already?? This year seems to be flowing past me in a rush. Since it is Sunday, it is time for a Sunday Song post, and I actually have one this time! On Monday, I hosted a reward session for one of my clients who shared the song, "Brighter Days," with me. Sung by Blessing Offor, and written by him and a co-writer, Sam Mackenzie Ellis, the song speaks about remembering that bad days are not the only things that we experience - or, at least, that's how I am interpreting the lyrics right now. That even in the pain, there is love. So, right now, I am wallowing in the music of Mr. Offor. While he is a Christian artist, I find that many of his songs work for those who are not Christian but who are humanistic in outlook. There is something about hearing that someone else feels like there are positive things happening in the world, even in the midst of all the horrible things going on, that helps me move forward.  There are so many...

First of all, I LOVE thesaurus.com. I now have an "S" word for "thought" when I was unable to find one using my own brain. Second, yesterday's park event was not as bad as I thought, and my wish for rain almost manifested! We all huddled around the shelter, wrapped in blankets, while the principal grilled hamburgers and hot dogs for us. After that, we had an egg hunt and were released for self-care. I took a long nap for my version of self-care. It was wonderful! This is the first year since 1998 that I do not have Easter duties. I am up and down about that, but I am feeling much better about not being part of the church right now. I think I dodged a bullet in that situation, and I do feel much happier without Sunday School duties! I miss the ceremony and tradition, but not the people determined to stab my in the back. Okay, for my own health, I am going to stop this train of thought and go with other things. Today is reserved for going to the pharmacy to pick u...

Today is a professional development day where NOTHING that is being done will develop me professionally. How do I know this? I have been through 30 years of this pattern - I know. We will be hearing an update on the curriculum that we are trialing (not applicable to me as there is no music therapy element), and then will be going into a very-ABA formatted training on how to deliver KUDOS to staff members for doing their job. Ugh - it will include fidelity checks and rehearsals and things that I really don't need to hear, be present for, or practice. It is stupid and ridiculous, and we are not even given the actual KUDOS to pass out. We have to report our remarks to the supervisor of the staff member and they fill out the little slip of paper. It is a demeaning program all around, but we continue because there are some folks who believe that the only way to interact with people is the ABA way. I disagree. I have not been a fan of ABA since I was first introduced to it all in the ear...

Today feels like a rambling day, but, seriously, what day doesn't involve rambling around any given topic?? It is raining today. Yesterday, I had a comedy of errors going on around me. In the space of three hours, I had five vials of blood drawn, ate pizza, had bad intestinal issues, vomited due to a coughing fit, took two quick showers, and talked to my family members about it all. I also had to go outside several times to pick up my trashcans that scattered my recycling all over the place. My neighbor was throwing away a big joe chair that I really wanted for myself, but I did not pinch it, and now it is storming which means that I should not salvage it from the curb now. Too much mold and mildew would happen (but, I still want it! I might have to examine purchasing one for myself...). I deviated from my recent pattern of session topics to include a game day in the music therapy room this week. These games tend to be more active or song-based than board games or games on the Prom...

A couple of months ago, I decided that I needed to be more money conscious about my extraneous spending, so I started an envelope system. I started with five envelopes - fast food, books, crafts, home, and miscellaneous. In the past four months, I have used this system to help me make decisions about spending in these categories. Let's do a little bit of an update on how this is working for me. Overall, I think it is going pretty well. I have spent my fast food envelope more than the other four, with the books envelope coming in second. I have spent a bit from the other three envelopes but have not come to end of the cash there. I have done less spontaneous shopping, and that is making a difference in my budget. Today is payday which means I am currently flush with money. That will only be sustained for a couple of days as bills will be paid, but I have enough money to get my envelope allowance to replenish my envelopes. Since I spent some of my account money on books and food this...

This is the first Holy Week in over two and a half decades where I am not leading worship as a church leader. I had a very down day yesterday, and I think that this is part of it. I am still mourning the loss of my part-time church job this school year. I know that they took advantage of me and used me in ways that were not part of my job description, but I still miss that role. I loved the people in the congregation (at least, the ones that didn't make do everything that others wouldn't volunteer to do, the ones who changed aspects of my job every Sunday morning, and the ones who outright lied to me many times), and I loved being part of their worship routine. I don't miss the liars and the hypocrites who felt that I should be doing jobs that were not my own without changing my salary or even giving me a cost of living increase for eight years. Even with all of that, I still miss the job - or is it the worship that I miss? I do not know. The feeling of grief was exacerbate...

So... I feel like I need to be totally transparent about something from the get-go of this particular series... I am not good with identifying songs with their performers. I can't identify the song names, but I can almost always sing the song. As I was trying to figure out what song to select for this series, I remembered being in a session last week, listening to a song by Billie Eilish. I really liked the lyrics to the song, but for the life of me, I cannot remember which song it was. I remember thinking, "that would be a great song for our self-awareness monthly theme," but I cannot find the words that I remember in the lyrics search that I am doing of Billie's songs.  This is a common situation for me, but it's also common for my music therapy clients. We can remember things about songs but can't remember names or musicians. We spend lots of time engaged in clue hunting. I ask questions like, "Is the singer a man or a woman?" (I know, those aren...

Happy Friday and Day Two of World Music Therapy Week!! I was watching some early morning social media, especially some of the music therapy propaganda coming from Nordoff-Robbins (which I LOVE) about a girl who needs pervasive levels of support for all activities of daily living. Music therapy was a place where this girl was able to express aspects of her personality that were not easily accessible in other areas of her life. This reminded me of the students I used to work with who seemed similar to this girl. I realized how much I miss those students and the interactions that we had during their therapy sessions every week. Perhaps this is one of my pathways for the future?? Yesterday, I printed out some of the materials shared by the World Federation of Music Therapy and put them up on the wall by my music room. No one has mentioned them yet, and I wonder if they will. It was fun to share a little bit about what we do with the people around me who tend to take it for granted most of ...

First, Happy World Music Therapy Week!! Did you know that we celebrate an international music therapy focus week - check out this wonderful advocacy resource from the World Federation of Music Therapy!! So, fellow music therapist, celebrate yourself this week. Celebrate what is great about being a music therapist. Celebrate what is challenging about all of this profession. Take some time to just enjoy clients and the interactions that you have this week. We are our best advocates. If we love this job, then our many of our clients will like what we do with them (not everyone, especially if you are in a situation like mine where clients have to be present, but many). As we move through our therapist-lives, we change things, often without seeing the ongoing results. How is that! Second, how are you doing? One of the things that I often feel is isolation. I am the only music therapist at my facility. I no longer participate in many music therapy organization things. I tend to be content t...

What can I tell you? How to be thrifty as a music therapist - Perhaps an update on my own financial systems? Perhaps a recommendation for how to be a bit more budget-minded as a music therapist? Perhaps a dialogue about savings that are accessible to music therapists with school id cards? These would all be great topics, but they need a bit more preparation to be fully realized. There is so much to consider when you are a music therapist - financial things, self-awareness things, professional advocacy things, personal advocacy things, fun things, administrative task things, and client things. When you are your own boss, then there are other things that crowd the calendar and the list of daily tasks (I'm not there yet...). One of the best things that you, fellow music therapist, can do to maximize your financial status is to ensure that you get everything else done. I am a strong advocate for the phrase, "Work smarter, NOT harder." For me, this phrase encapsulates the thin...

This is a politics-focused post. If you are not someone who is disgusted by the things happening in the United States right now, then please skip reading this post. I cannot stay silent. It is only day 77 of this governmental regime, and I am already exhausted of all the ups and downs that are happening around us all. I feel paralyzed between the constant calls for actions that are not what I feel I can do and the feelings of guilt and shame that come with inaction. There are so many feelings that happen that I try my best to find what I can do while still remaining true to myself. I am someone who has a job that is school-based, special education service, and funded through categorical aid offered due to the types of clients who attend school at my facility. While no one has come out and said anything about security, there is a constant storm happening in the distance that threatens the last year of my school-based job. I am constantly waiting for someone to call me into their office ...

I subscribe to Dan Rather's Steady newsletter - the free version - because I respect that man as one of the voices of my childhood. Mr. Rather replaced Walter Cronkite as the anchor of CBS news when I was a kid. My parents were diehard CBS news watchers because of Mr. Cronkite, and Mr. Rather became the new voice for a long time before my parents defected to NBC news and Tom Brokaw. Since I grew up with several voices in the news world, I have found myself gravitating back to those voices to help me make sense of the world right now. On Sundays, Mr. Rather takes a break from writing about politics and the state of the world to write about songs that he finds memorable. I like that, and I enjoy reading his words about those songs. I think I might start doing the same sort of thing on my blog - writing a bit about specific songs and why they are important to me. Now, I just have to find the songs... I was listening to songs that my clients were sharing this week, and I realized that ...

It is Saturday after a pretty appointment and phone call filled week. I do not have any appointments for the next week, so I am going to do some focusing on the things that I need to do for myself. I am getting a small tax refund this year for the first time in ages. It not only covers the fee for getting my taxes done but also gives me a little bit of mad money to figure out. I might get some shrimp to celebrate... hmm. The best thing about found money is that it offers some options for impulsiveness. This tax refund is out of my regular budget, so I do not have to save it. I will probably use the money to do something maintenance-minded in my home, but I get to consider how I could possibly spend the little bit extra money that will arrive in my bank account between 2 and 10 weeks from now. The options are pretty exhilarating when you think about it. I could spend the money on a (very) short trip somewhere. I could buy more books (don't need them). I could buy a pretty ring to we...

I am going to write this blog for one hour, starting now, and try to make something that has relevance for all of my designators in the title of this blog - music, therapy, and me. This is not always an easy task. There are times when the music takes over, others when therapy is foremost on my mind, and I am usually prone to talking about me - one of my favorite topics. So, let's talk about music, therapy, and me this morning. We will get the "me" part over with. I am still tired, very frustrated with a particular client who has decided to target aggression towards me, and happy that today is Thursday rather than yesterday. I wish I had some more stuff to get me energized, but tired seems to be my default lately. I'm going to blame my changing hormones for all of this exhaustion. I am currently feeling inundated by a plethora of phone calls from all sorts of people wanting to give me things or sell me something or to set up appointments. Some of these people know that...

Welcome to my corner of the world where it is currently storming. The thunder and lightning is going along with a steady rain. The winds haven't kicked up yet, but it will be a windy day as well as a storm-ridden time, and I am feeling restless. I had one client who cried throughout music therapy yesterday. We don't know why, but the client was presenting with a positive affect until entering the music therapy room when the client started to wail. This client does not do this often, so it was a mystery to us all. The client is non-speaking, so trying to figure it all out was difficult. I always want to change a sad mood into a happier mood, but there are times when we just need to wallow. Have you ever seen the episode of The Middle where Frankie is trying to have a good cry? Everything in her life interferes with her attempts to cry out everything that is happening in her body. I have days like that - the only thing that helps me release emotion, hormones, stress, and grief is...

I attended an online training about self-employment taxes as a musician last night. I found it a really good training as it explained things like self-employment tax, quarterly tax payments, and the difference between a hobby and a business. Basically, what I am doing right now is a hobby rather than a business. I am going to change this. Now, I am going to do something that I rarely do - recommend someone to you. If you are someone like me - someone who has NO idea what to do as far as taxes are concerned, then I recommend - Hannah Cole . Her website, sunlighttax.com , is a place where most of the questions can find answers. I have not had the opportunity to delve into all of the resources that Hannah offers, but the webinar that she gave last night was concise, clear, and important to me and my understanding of taxes as a creative professional. Check out her blog for more information about all sorts of things! One of the things that I am thinking about is how I want to pivot from hav...

For some reason, I am having the heebie-jeebies today.  I don't know why, and this may be a side effect of all the medication that I am taking right now, but I am jumpier than usual and a bit over-responsive to the news and commentaries that I am accessing. This is probably a function of said medication and a bit about the political climate that we live in, but for whatever reason, I am going through it.  I thoroughly dislike this feeling of general uneasiness that comes over me with the heebie-jeebies. It's like something is out there, just waiting to take over, and I know it is out there, but I am trying to avoid it. This is the theme of every anxiety dream that I have lately - hiding and avoiding things and people who annoy me. I don't know if I am feeling this way due to the medications or because the world is disintegrating around us all or because my brain is just wanting to take me on a ride. It is a mystery. No matter how I'm feeling, today is a work day, so I w...

I think I may have come to the end of this particular series of Sunday posts. At this point (and for a couple of weeks now), I have tried to come up with something new to talk about, but it has been a struggle. I am thinking it might be time to shift to another type of topic and discussion in this music therapy life of mine. But, what? I like to have a bit of structure to what I write and when I write it. Over the years that I have been writing, I have come into a type of routine. That routine has changed over the years, but I like having a bit of an expectation about what I am going to write each week. It helps to have some structure in my writing life. Without it, I tend to just ramble and babble about things that are not exactly about music or therapy - just about me! So, I want to think a bit about what my Sunday topic will be. I like alliteration, so I think it will be something that starts with an S. Song, sing, strategy, systems, somnolence, so many nice S words. I haven't r...

What?? A trip to the library on a Saturday? Yep. I signed up for a seminar about musicians in my local town and have to head out today to meet with other people. This is a HUGE step for me - going to a place where I will not know anyone to do things that are completely out of my wheelhouse. I am already regretting this decision, but it is something that I need to do. Here's the synopsis of what I'm doing later today:  Want to learn how to turn your art into a sustainable career? Join the library for a special session of What Works, a workshop on entrepreneurship for artists from the Mid-America Arts Alliance.…   So, that's what I am going to do - learn how to turn my art into a sustainable career. I hope that it will be something that I can finally accomplish - making some money from my art and my music outside of a full-time job. We will see what happens. I hope that there are lots of people in the auditorium because I don't want to be one of two - too much attentio...

I answered a strange survey this week about office use. I probably should have ignored it, but I was curious about what they wanted to know. One of the things that I noticed was that there were several questions about whether my office provided me with opportunities for collaboration and camaraderie.  My office does not. I am more than okay with that fact. I think there might be a need to maximize office space at the facility because we are becoming overly top heavy with administration staff who are doing jobs that used to be done with only one person - and now there are five people doing what Larry used to do all by himself. So, I think this is the reason that the survey came out, but I have some issues with the questions that they asked. I feel that they were very skewed towards an extroverted point of view and existence. I am an introvert. I am about as introverted as they come on any scale that anyone has developed. I really need quiet and alone time to recuperate after session...

I am someone who truly believes in the use of medication when it is needed. I am a proponent of vaccination, and I think that there is no reason to suffer with allergies when chemistry exists that will help my body acclimate and decrease my suffering. There you go. Now, I am also someone who needs time to get over allergy medication symptoms. Yesterday was the first day I went onto my over-the-counter medication for my allergies, and I had to stay home because Day 1 always includes extreme drowsiness and dizziness that keeps me from being safe when driving. So, I remained at home, slept all morning, and then was able to remain awake for the afternoon. I went back to sleep around 7:30 pm and woke again at 9pm, 12:57 am, and 3:15 am. I dozed in my bed until 4:40, and now I am here, writing this blog after showering and getting myself downstairs for the next dose of medication. My brain is awake, which it wasn't an hour ago, so I feel like I can make it to work without too much diffic...

Today is the 32nd anniversary of starting my life as a music therapy professional. On this date back in 1993 (in the late part of the 20th century), I finished my internship at the Center for Neurodevelopmental Studies in Phoenix, Arizona and officially became a music therapist! It has been an interesting life, being a music therapist for over three decades. I am glad that I am still able to do something that I love. I hope to continue to do this work for another couple of decades. I have had four full-time jobs and many, MANY part-time jobs in the last 32 years. I have worked as an administrator (didn't like it back then), a recreation programmer, a rehabilitation (music) therapist, a recreation specialist, and a music therapist. I have been a church music director, a part-time temp doing filing work for an ambulance company, a music therapy contractor, part of a not-for-profit board of directors, a content creator, an author, a professional supervisor, and lots of other small job...