music, therapy, and me

I have today and tomorrow off for a medical procedure, so it is time to do some reflection to keep myself from going into an anxiety spiral. The next two days are going to be lots of "hurry up and wait" situations, so I have to spend some time engaged in distracting myself so I don't eat and so I take what I need to take when I need to take it. So, I am going to focus on what is happening in my music therapy space right now. This week is my music education focus week. I have a different focus for every week to help me organize and to give us all a starting point. Within those foci, I tend to vary my treatment to reflect what is happening with each group that comes into my space. I figure a session is a success if clients leave in a calm manner after their time with me, so I use that as my focus for treatment. I do what I feel I need to do to get clients to that point. There are times when I throw out my determined focus the moment the group enters the room. There are othe

I have a medical procedure on Friday that is coming together, and I am mildly disappointed in the efficiency of my new insurance which was my last hope for getting out of this situation. Even the transportation aspect has come together, darn it!  I have white coat anxiety - I've had it since birth - really. I am going to get ready for this procedure tomorrow at home. I have my preparation materials and the instructions, but I am not looking forward to anything about this situation. I cannot cancel it again. I already did that once this year, and this HAS to get done. So, I will have a miserable couple of days as I get ready, go through, and then recover from this procedure. These days will be full of anxious tears, too many breakdowns about how horrible I feel, and then some glimmers of pride that I am getting myself to and from the appointment. This is the most adult thing that I have to do, and it terrifies me! In the meantime, I am just trying to keep myself going forward. I hav

I feel my age this week. This is not a usual situation for me. I usually either feel younger than my age or older than my age - not exactly my age. This week, though, I feel my age. I have been figuring out that there are some things that I used to do without a thought that I can no longer do easily. I used to spend most of my Fridays engaged in running games. Not anymore. Same with sitting on the floor and hopping up when I needed to get going. Rather than dwell on what I can no longer do the way I used to do things, I am trying to think about the things that I can do now that I was unable to do then. With age comes wisdom, right? Right?? I think I have gained lots of knowledge and practice experience in my 31 years of professional work, including learning about what type of therapist I do not want to be. This has been a good thing to learn - I know what I do not want, but knowing what I want is still a bit elusive. I think that is a good state to be in. So, what is it that I want out

Blech. I haven't been able to write much of anything in the past week, except for a chapter of my general internship text. That has taken over my focus, and I uploaded it to my TPT store on Saturday. I am trying to finish this text - one chapter at a time - before the end of the school year. I am hoping that someone out there will read it and use it in their internships to strengthen their internship experience. The next chapter will be about conflict resolution. Just wanted you all to know that I am still out here, and I am still trying to think about what to write about. I will figure it out, eventually, but I am still in the process of thinking about where I want to put my energy.

Today's post will probably be a short one since I am in the throes of an allergy attack, trying to get on allergy medications, and debating whether I should call in sick this morning or not. I don't think I will - I can be miserable at work as well as here at home, but I have to figure out what to do with five groups of students while I am not feeling well. There is no provision about having to stay at home when you have a runny nose and a killer sinus headache like there is when you are running a temperature, so I will be heading out into the world to sneeze and wheeze and hack and moan. Anyway, this is my second post on Mondays about no longer having an internship program. I got a request from a student on Friday about applying. It was bittersweet to have to tell the student that I have closed down. I have a feeling that more of these conversations will happen now that the AMTA symposium has finished and it is internship hunting season for seniors. I just could no longer deal

My word for this year is "play." I select a word each year that helps me focus on self-improvement. In the past, I have had many words designed to inspire me to do more. Before this year started, I decided that I was tired of self-improvement, and I wanted to spend more time on things that I found fun. So, I decided that "play" was my word back at the end of 2023. As we enter the last quarter of 2024, it is time to start thinking about what I want to be doing this next year. I have enjoyed the focus on finding things that are fun and help me play with things and people. I want to continue this focus, so I will be looking at different words and ideas for what I want to do in 2025. One of the reasons I chose the word "play" as my focus is professional in nature. I was not feeling happy with how things were going in my music therapy practice. I was feeling creatively blocked at a level that is not my normal. I wanted to find my first love again - doing things

I am celebrating my life changes right now - giving up things that I no longer want to do and finding new things to help me fill some time. This process is not one that I was anticipating in this year, but I have learned to go with the flow of life rather than fight against it too much. Well, I still fight it as evidenced by my constant nattering about things in the music therapy world, but you know - I am getting better. There are so many things to feel grateful for in this point of my life, but there are also so many things to mourn. I am trying to do both at the same time while continuing my journey as a music therapist. I am enjoying the concept of changing my work schedule to work only my contract hours rather than internship hours. I like knowing that I will be able to leave my workplace at 3:15 every day. This means some more time at home each day which is taking some getting used to, but is nice. I like having more afternoon time. Right now, I want to fill up that time with som

Twenty-five years (to the day) from when I welcomed my first intern to my internship program, I closed the program. It is time for me to move back into being a therapist without the added stressors present when you are a solo internship supervisor and director. It has been about a year since I have had viable applicants. The one person who actually finished an application and went through the audition decided not to move to Kansas for her internship. So, I am taking the lack of interest and lack of support from our professional organization as the signal that now is the time to move into another way of doing this job. I am processing this decision and am grieving it at the same time. This has been a season of leaving things - a job, now my internship program. I am tired of things changing, but my rational mind knows that change leads to growth and difference which is not a bad thing, it is just a new thing to navigate. My sister and mom keep reassuring me that I will find other things

I have to be honest with you, I am running out of ideas for this theme. Actually, an idea just popped into my head, so here it goes. I live in a world of broken instruments. My clients are very good at destruction and not very good at being gentle with fragile instruments and materials. While I do work on proper playing techniques and making choices about which instruments my clients are able to use during sessions, there are times when an instrument breaks. In addition, most of my handheld percussion is over 20 years old, so things wear down and break due to being used. So, it is not unusual for me to have a bunch of instruments waiting to be repaired, replaced, or thrown out. I tend to be a repairer rather than a replacer. As a result, I have some things in my clinic that I cannot live without when it comes to repairing instruments. In no particular order, here is my list of things that help me extend the life of various instruments and materials: Super glue - oh, dear. This is a gre