music, therapy, and me

Do you ever get into the habit of overthinking your therapeutic music experiences (AKA: TMEs? applications? modules? or any term that is out there for what you call what you do with your clients during sessions??)???  I find that I will get into a mindset where everything has to have a visual aid. Everything has to have a deep meaning song experience. Everything has to incorporate the theoretical foundations of at least five philosophical structures before I will even deign to consider the TME as part of my session strategy.  This type of "perfection" thinking is dangerous for me. I end up feeling stuck between my capabilities and my dreams of what music therapy "SHOULD" be. Nowhere in my definition of music therapy do the words "visual aids" appear. Nowhere in that definition does it state that I have to know everything there is to know about music and the brain before I can make music with my clients for their therapeutic benefits. Nowhere. So, why do I ...

In one week, I will be welcoming intern #36 to my internship program. For the 36th (actually, the 37th time because there was that emergency placement that completely flaked out and "forgot" to tell me that she was not coming after all...) time, I am getting jittery about opening up my job and my professional life to another person. I get nervous about all of this every single time - will the intern have a good experience? Will the intern actually like me? Will they love my students the way I want them to love my students? Will the intern learn what they need to learn to be a competent music therapist? I spend so much time in this worry rocking chair that it is just a plain old mess. Each time a new intern comes to my program, I second-guess myself. This time around, I am changing up lots of different things, so the second-guessing is just plain old happening - on all sorts of levels. Now, I have put some significant changes into how I train interns into play, and that is pla...

My brain is still not quite ready for anything other than sitting and watching true crime shows on You Tube, so I'm not sure how much I'll have to say about all of this, but the random number generator picked post #2091 for today. This post is from January of 2019 and is concerned with the phrase at the end of every single job description I have ever seen - "Other duties as assigned." I no longer work as the manager of the STARS store at my facility. I am okay with that fact. I ended up gaining more storage space and lots more time to work on other tasks than I had when the store was in my room. I also lost my Fridays without group treatment - that still rankles a bit, but you know - other duties as assigned... That phrase is one that can get me into trouble. I am not an argumentative type, so if my boss asks me to do something outside of my usual job duties, I do it because of that phrase. There are some things, though, in my years at the facility, that I have refuse...

 This morning, I awoke at my normal time - a bit before 4am - when my alarm light clicked on. I dozed a bit before making myself come to full consciousness. When I did wake up, I noticed that I was actually feeling better. In the past week, I have had a headache, chills, and a really bad cough in the early mornings. I've had lots of interrupted nights with difficulty sleeping and waking up with fevers.  None of these things happened this morning. It took 30 minutes before my first coughing fit happened this morning. I am happy that things are finally working to curb all of this ick. I am hoping this will continue through the next week as I am on break. So, my goal for today is to remember that I am still not 100% better, but I am about 65% better than I was a couple of days ago, and to use my energy accordingly. My desk chair broke yesterday. The welded supports in the back sheared off - I do not know how to weld, so the chair is a goner. I was trying to remember how long it l...

Hello, friends. This has been a very strange week. Last Saturday, I woke up with a bronchitis taste to my cough. Now, I cough all the time - one of the things that happens when you have seasonal allergies and asthma that never really go away - but this was a different kind of cough. I have bronchitis enough to know when it is starting up, but I often get into arguments with my healthcare providers about what is going on until they can hear it as well. Just being able to taste the bronchitis is never enough for them - they want more definite symptoms. So, I spent my Saturday in bed, trying to rest. I promised my mom and my sister that I would go to the doctor as soon as my symptoms became more prevalent. That was Sunday morning. I notified my boss at my church job that there was no way that I could lead music since singing is something that requires breathing, and I was not able to do much of that without coughing. I then waited until my medical provider's Sunday hours started. I wa...

I have been thinking about routines lately - especially as I am driving home in the evenings. There are lots of conflicting messages out there in the world - relax and be in the moment, followed by seize the day and make it yours, followed again by messages of work, work, work, and then life is too short to work all the time, so rest! I currently struggle with wanting to do more with an attitude that skews towards rest. I am getting ready for my yearly hiatus from my Wednesday evening job. I have season tickets for our local amphitheater. I will have lots of time after school to do things, but I am not sure that I will have the energy. Summer is a difficult time for me - seasonal affective disorder and asthma and arthritis that are exacerbated by humidity. My body hurts all the time these days, but that's okay. I have some plans for the summer months. In addition to the evening time that I will get back, the trips to the amphitheater, and the extra time to fill up every night, I al...

Today is my last Wednesday for the 2022-2023 regular school session. Thank all things good and decent! Next Wednesday is a work day, but it is field day so it doesn't really count. I have five groups today. Two of the five will be playing brass instruments. The other three have already played so they will get another opportunity to try and then we will be doing some free movement and singing therapeutic music experiences - some silliness in our interactions. I have one group tomorrow (we have one pod on a field trip and the other group I have will be interrupted by a concert). Friday will be a regular day, Monday will be a regular day, and then Tuesday and Wednesday are going to be different schedules. We will go to the district breakfast (for the first time in over 15 years!) and have a bit of training before we head out for our week away. I do not get a summer break like most teachers. I get paid for the extra days that I work every year, but I do not get time to rest the way I n...

This week is Instrument Week in my music therapy room. I am the only music therapist at my facility right now, and I am also the only music educator that my students have at the moment. I am also the only musician that some of my clients ever come across in their education, so I take a bit of time to teach them a little bit about music most months. We are talking about Brass instruments this month. When I was an undergraduate student, we had to take all the methods classes, so I know how to produce sounds on every instrument that there is. That's about it - I can only produce sounds, but I know enough to know that particular fact. The brass family, though, is my home base. I am a cornetist. I have been since I was 11 years old, and I was in band and jazz band all the way through school. When I went to college, I decided to focus on vocal performance rather than brass due to the hours of marching band requirements for most of the people who played trumpet. I no longer wanted to be o...

Back when I was actively training music therapists on the process of becoming internship supervisors, one of the best and most interesting questions I was asked (over and over again) was, "how will I know that I am ready?" This question made me pause each time because I'm not sure that anyone is ever "ready" to be an internship supervisor. I guess it depends on what you consider "ready." When pressed for an answer about when I felt "ready," I usually state that I am never really ready for each intern who arrives. I get nervous before each intern starts. I spend inordinate amounts of time hoping that they will get the experience that they need to become happy and successful human beings in the future. I hope that they learn things that they will not learn with anyone else, and I hope that they will be safe while they are with me and my students. Every intern that arrives at my facility brings unique thoughts, experiences, and needs. I cannot a...

It is Sentimental Sunday again, and the random number generator spat out #1141, a post from March 20, 2016 . This post was concerned with how I make supplemental visual aids for therapeutic music experiences (TMEs). Not everyone likes to draw - most of us feel like we can't draw - but I enjoy it. I find that my clients like my hand drawn visuals as much as they like my clip art generated visuals, so I do both. I draw, and I use the ever-growing collection of clip art that I have purchased. One of the things that I would like to learn more about is creating digital art. I watch so many artists on YouTube who create things using their computers, and I marvel at their creations. Most folks use Procreate, but that is an apple only app. I do not think like apple things, and I don't have an extra $700 sitting around to buy an apple thing just because I would like to make some digital art. I haven't delved into the Android versions too much, but I've tried some things. I have ...

This was a strange week, but something that is pretty usual for me in the month of May. May is ALWAYS a difficult month for me - lots happening and extreme exhaustion are the normal settings. This was a busy week, and I am glad that I am in my Saturday. The best/worst thing of the week was kicking some of the kids out of the talent show due to disrespectful behavior towards everyone. They are plotting all sorts of situations and attempting to follow through. The good thing is that these kids tell people what they are plotting which ruins their attempts. They haven't quite figured out how to be quiet about things. Heaven help us if they figure that out... The Talent Show was yesterday. I provided a yarn wig for the student who sang "Let It Go." I figured out how to amplify my Spotify account loud enough to support my singers. I was able to rig my old karaoke system to run two microphones without interfering with the music amplification - I've never been able to do that...

Well, it is Friday again, and I am, once again, sitting here, feeling so many feelings. The Talent Show is today, and there is SO much drama happening at work right now that it is interesting to be part of it all. I had to kick two clients out of the show due to their inability to maintain any sort of appropriate engagement and plotting to hurt people (including me). There may be more that are not allowed to engage. One of our clinicians broke down in tears during the session asking for recognition for the work that her team is doing in the evenings. I both empathize and sympathize with that emotion. This is a difficult time of year. For some reason, it was decided that we needed to change up three classrooms three weeks before the end of the regular school session. This has led to all sorts of conspiracies and rebellions in the client population. All of the staff is stretched to their limits and the clients can sense all of that. We are always short-staffed, in all areas, and we have ...

I am working on less sleep than I want to have going on right now. I'm not sure why I was up so early this morning, but I was. It was the type of waking where there was no way to go back to sleep - I was not able to get back to a drowsy state. This is the second night in a row where my sleep pattern has stopped very early - lots less than the seven hours that I like to get each night. I think that this is a combination of Talent Show nerves and non-cooling sheets and hot flashes. I am going to get a fan out of the garage and set it up in my summer bedroom to help me cool down overnight. I hope that will help with the lack of sleep going on around here - I have two more days until the Talent Show is on and over. I need sleep. This week is a low-effort week for me. It is Country of the Month week, so we are watching videos about the music, instruments, and dances of Argentina. This allows me to have a week with limited singing and extra energy for other activities. Right now, most of...

I have three more weeks before my next intern arrives at the facility to do their training with me and my clients. Three more weeks. That's not much time, especially because it is the end of our regular school year. There are so many things to do before #36 arrives, but most of them have nothing to do with music therapy or the internship program. I have started my "end-of-the-year" post-its with categories of "internship," "Talent Show," "cleaning," and "other."  I was able to knock off a bunch of tasks on Friday - I wanted to rearrange the intern office/storage room to accommodate the new desk. The effort spent on those tasks led to my intense pain on Friday afternoon, but I moved the storage cabinet and the desk where I wanted them to end up. I labeled all sorts of things, and felt like I had made some progress.  This week's planning/prep time will be taken up with Talent Show preparation (so far, no need to move the drum set ...

It took me a long time to get to 100 posts (4 years of writing) and then less time to get to 200 posts (only 2 years after that), and then I just started a more consistent writing pattern and started adding more and more posts after that. Today's post, #269, was written on May 25, 2012. For some perspective, I started posting on this blog in April 2006 - so it took me 6 years to get to this post . It's not a long one, but it is an interesting one for me. On May 25, 2012 , apparently I finished my first visual aid for others to find and use. I have no idea which one it was because I did not name it, but I finished something. I have since created many different visuals aids ( check them out at my TPT store here ), but this one was my first. If I am remembering correctly, it was either my BINGO song visual or my Drum Beat Rhythm Game. Speaking of these things, I need to get them uploaded to my TPT store ... I enjoy making visual aids. I like coming up with an idea and making somet...

I am really trying very hard to figure out an afternoon blogging routine. Yesterday, I got home with a wicked neck crick and headache so it was all I could do to eat some dinner before crawling into bed. I ended up being awake later than I expected, but blogging did not cross my mind at all. That's my problem with afternoon tasks - my body really dictates what happens in the afternoons. Yesterday was a pain day, so everything else was pushed to the side. Mornings are a better time for me to work against gravity for many reasons. The problem lately is that I don't want to get up when my light turns on. I just want to sleep in a bit. So, who knows when I will be blogging in the next several weeks... I have been working on an intern-focused project this past week - something for my interns to work on to gain some extra hours and to prepare them for their desired futures. My next intern has expressed a desire to work as an employee of the juvenile judicial system, so I have selecte...

I am still not into the idea of blogging after work, but I am enjoying the extra amount of time that I can take in the mornings to get my brain in gear. Who knows what will happen in the next several weeks - I might find some energy in the mornings again and blog at that time. All I know is that I enjoy writing and need an outlet. This blog is that outlet... So, here goes the music therapy part of this blog...what to think about??? I am feeling significantly out of touch with other music therapists these days. This is mainly my fault. I have stopped doing some of the things that I was doing to foster community in several different groups of people because it ended up just being me, sitting there, watching myself on Zoom. All alone. Very sad. Feeling invisible. You get the picture. So, I stopped offering opportunities for others to join me. Perhaps it is time to do this again. Anyway, I am just out of touch. I am trying really hard not to be one of those people that constantly counts do...