The Small Things

Everything under the sun is piling up on me right now. The cat's not eating as much as usual, I have a hang nail that's bothering me, I can't seem to type a sentence without having to go back and backspace, my mouse stopped working and the replacement isn't here yet, I am exhausted and can't seem to get less exhausted, it is a long day at work today (class work time - something I really need), but I have to go to my other job so I don't get the work time, I've started this blog post about 10 times and haven't found a theme to go with, I'm feeling like other people are trying to force me into doing things that I don't want to do, I'm tired of being the punching bag of a particular client who will be coming back to the music therapy room today, and the list goes on and on and on.

Now, not all of these things are important. In fact, outside of my own brain, most of these things aren't important at all, but they do add up to a overall way of functioning. I don't feel like I am functioning today, but I have to go and do things, so off I go.

I hope that everyone has days like this - not just me. I wonder, what do you do when this type of situation happens?

Here's what I do.

I use my bullet journal more. I write down symptoms and responses and emotions into my journal. I make sure that all appointments are in the book, even the ones that are a couple of months away. 

I acknowledge what is happening. Denying that I am tired, frustrated, and overwhelmed leads me into more issues later on. Acknowledging these emotions helps me to sort through them and figure out what I can change and what I cannot.

I make a plan. Sometimes my plan includes sleeping. Sometimes it includes going to work to have an easy therapy day (AKA: video and card game day). Sometimes it includes making meals for every couple of hours. Sometimes it includes taking time to be alone to recharge my energy. Today's plan includes doing what needs to be done during the music therapy session with the student who seems to think that hitting and kicking me is the way to establish dominance in the music therapy room (it isn't). It also includes moving from event to event in a coordinated manner. Today's plan includes three meals - one in the car as I leave my full-time job for my part-time job which has an early worship service this evening that I have to help lead. Tomorrow's plan is also already started - eating meals, being a good supervisor for my interns, and finishing up some internship paperwork that needs to be done. Friday's plan is to clean my office, do my regular supervision session with one intern and then do the ending supervision and paperwork for my graduating intern. After that, I will be on break for a week and can sleep and go to the doctor to figure out what is happening with me.

I find comfort in plans. I like structure and knowing what will happen when and how. I try to base lots of what happens in plans and structures, but I also try really hard to be flexible. Sometimes I am good at that - other times I am less pliable. When I am in this type of situation, I find that planning and structure helps me get from place to place.

So, I plan.

Today will be what today will be. I will use my self-care routines to center myself into what I need to do and be for the clients that I will interact with today. I will spend time being mindful about what I am feeling and why I am feeling that way. I will do my best to be what my clients need while still being authentically myself. I will figure out ways to get from point A to point B to point C today. I can do three more days before I break. I can.