The List of "Things That Didn't Get Done This Week" is Growing

Boy, did I have plans for this week.

I was going to be releasing a giveaway on Wednesday. I was going to be getting on top of some work for the Online Conference for Music Therapy. I was going to pack for my upcoming trip to see family for a memorial service. There was so much that I was going to do.

Well, these things did not get finished this week because my body decided it was time to complicate matters with a migraine. This was a doozy of a migraine as well - flashing sparkles in my field of vision, extreme light sensitivity, nausea, stabbing headache, and an extremely low body temperature, and just not doing well at all. Add on a continuing asthma cycle, and that was my body this week. Once I regained my vision, I drove myself home, having to use 5 hours of my sacred sick time for this headache. I still had to log onto a Zoom meeting because it was my intern's turn to present. So, for the past three days, all I have done is cower in the corner of the music therapy room, wearing sunglasses, and trying really hard not to snap off the head of anyone who dared to breathe in a way that scraped along my already worn nerves.

I think I am at the end of all of this now, but I am still extremely tired which indicates to me that there may still be something happening in my brain that hasn't quite worn off yet.

So, my brain and my body have halted me in my tracks. I am still going to finish up my giveaway this weekend. I will still have to prepare for my trip. I still have to finish the work for the Online Conference for Music Therapy. None of those things went away, but I have been able to be forgiving of myself as I watched those self-imposed deadlines go whizzing by me!

This is a huge thing for me - finding that grace to acknowledge that there are times when I just cannot do what I intend to do, AND the world will not end!

So, I have a weekend full of work things to do, full of personal things to do, and full of tasks to get done before I have to skedaddle. I also need to sleep at some point to release this completely. I haven't been able to get enough this week quite yet. I was awakened this morning by a honking car alarm outside of my window. I had to get up to see if it was mine - it wasn't, and I could tell by the pitch and timbre of the horn, but I still had to get up. I checked the time - 2:49am. I thought I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, but I rolled over and opened my eyes at 4:20am. It was nice to get a bit more sleep. I am currently debating the benefit of taking some sick time now to help me get this over and done.

The benefits to taking more time now include sleeping and getting this finished. Sleep is the only cure for me. I cannot take migraine medication due to the amounts of caffeine in them - ends up making all sorts of other things go haywire in my body. I had a 12 hour day on Wednesday, so I had even more interruption in my schedule to have to deal with. If I don't go to work, I can sleep and that will help me with all the other things that HAVE to be done this weekend...like packing and getting my school stuff ready for next week, and all that. The drawbacks to taking more time? First of all, taking more time. I don't have much time to start with - it is difficult to have hours carry over when you have chronic health issues. On the other hand, is it okay for me to do a half-you know what job of being a therapist instead of not taking the time that I need? I just don't know. So, I guilt myself into a cycle of stress and guilt that compounds the very things that I am trying to work through. Oh, here comes the headache again. It is time to make a decision, and I think I will err on the side of sleeping today.

So, now I am going to contact all the people I need to contact about this. It means that six individuals will not be seen today, but that's okay. I think I will tell my intern to stay at home rather than travel in for one group. Everyone can use the YouTube channel or the sub plans that are always available. We will be reset and ready to go for next week...

Now I am dizzy as well as headachy, so my decision is a good one for me. Time to text my supervisor.

Take care of yourselves, folks. No one else is going to. I'm going back to sleep now. 

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