Another Deviation from the Usual: Today

Please excuse me as I deviate from my usual Sunday post to talk about today, and its significance to my family.

This is my mother's birthday. It is also the day that my father died, three years ago. This day is hard to navigate because while Dad died on this date, it is also a day for celebrating my Mother. It is hard to do both. As a result, I try to mark the anniversary of my Dad's death the day before rather than on today's date.

This year, I am reminded of my parents' mortality more than I have been in the last two years. My mom got sick and had to be in the hospital for five days just recently. We didn't know what was going on, and it was pretty scary. We were able to rule out lots of things - not a heart condition, not the gallbladder, things like that - but it took a long time to figure out what was going on. It turns out that it was a reaction to the medication her cardiologist prescribed. She is now off that medication and seeing all sorts of new doctors to see if she has recovered.

When a family member is a medical mystery (which ALL of my family members are - including Dad), it is a difficult thing to figure out what is going on. We spent 14 hours in the emergency room, waiting for information, and waiting on the decision of admission into the hospital. Once she was finally admitted, there was a frustrating pattern of ordering tests and waiting for the doctor to arrive or for the tests to actually happen.

It is easier to be a patient in the hospital than it is to be the people supporting those patients.

Three days of tests, 3 minute doctor consultations every day, lots of nurses coming in and out for vitals data, and having to be crammed into uncomfortable chairs and an impossibly small room led my sister into a respiratory infection and me into bracing my knee for a sprained ligament that I got from sitting. Yep. From sitting.

My mother is recovering, but my sister and I are still trying to recover as well.

This morning, as I was avoiding the process of getting up, I sat in my grief and my joy that my mother is still around and seems to be getting better. Apparently, she tells me different things than she tells my sister. We are going to have to work on that communication. The grief comes in waves, but the joy is constant.

There has to be some grief today. After all, my father died on this day three years ago, but there also has to be joy. This is the day that my mother entered this world many decades ago, and that is important. I know these things for sure - I will cry, and I will laugh on this date from now on.

For now, though, I am going to do the jobs that I get paid for - teaching Sunday School and leading worship music - and then get my groceries and come back to work with the Online Conference for Music Therapy, Inc. Today is a busy day. I will call my mom later this afternoon to wish her a happy birthday. I will pack a bag to use tomorrow night at work. 

I am not going to risk commuting through the winter storm that we are expected to get from Monday through Tuesday. I will take my sleeping bags, my soup, my water, and my devices so I can spend the night in my office. I have done this before and will probably do it again, but it is important (for me) that my intern finish up the clinical hours that need to happen by Wednesday so the intern can graduate. I will go to work on inclement weather days as much as I can until I retire. Since we always have students present, I get a comp day for each inclement weather day that I attend to do music therapy sessions. There is no reason to drive through blowing snow and hazardous conditions if I can just stay overnight at work. So, today will be a day to get ready for the future as well as a day to think about the past.

Thank you for letting me deviate from my random number generation posts on this very important day in my life. I love you, Mom. Here's to many more birthday celebrations together!