It Is Saturday

I am a creature of habit.

I like structure, I like routine, and I like it when things progress the way I have planned for. I do not do well with surprises or with changes at the last minute - ESPECIALLY when those changes did not have to be last minute at all!

For example, I have been told by people moving into my office space that I have to give up that office space, but my supervisor has not told me of this development at all.

This is not how I like to operate. One email would confirm that I am moving from that space and consolidating into my other space, but no. That doesn't seem to happen all that often. It amazes me how little people think about the ripples that spread when they make decisions, and it also amazes me that we do not take the time to talk to the people that are caught up in those ripples. I am often stuck in the riptide caused by other people, and I often do not know why I am swirling around.

Today, though, I have to put that aside and work on my home environment. I am putting together a bed frame for my library room. I have wanted a day bed frame for a long time and finally purchased one. Now it is in pieces, waiting for me to manipulate it into a functional piece of furniture. It also comes with a trundle, but I don't have a mattress for the trundle, so that might wait until next year. We'll see.

I am also stuffing things into closets, straightening pictures on the wall, and getting things ready for my family members. Three of them will descend upon me next Sunday. Two of them are there for me for medical procedure support, and the other is coming to see us all. I am a bit stressed about them coming for hosting and medical reasons.

I am not a good housekeeper.

I have boxes that I haven't unpacked in many years. I have junk and more junk, and I do not do well with throwing junk away. I just want to keep it handy - just in case I want it at some point. My mother is the same way. Her mother was the same way, and I suspect that my great-grandmother was the same as well. So, who am I to change tradition??

The problem?

My stuff takes over my environment very quickly, and it then requires lots of work to get the environment back into company presentation mode. I know, in my head, that it would be easier to keep things in their places with consistent work, but I just don't do that. I want to be better at this, but I am lazy.

Laziness is my downfall.

I tend to drop things where I land and not take the time to walk them back where they go. I am trying to get better at bucking that habit. I have also given myself a mantra when I am going through my things. "It is okay to throw things away."

Such a simple thought, but it has been the only thing that has helped me during this clean-up of my home environment.

"It is okay to throw things away."

I have to repeat this over and over again as I feel guilt when I throw something away - anything away.

I have theories about why I am prone to junk collection beyond it being learned behavior from generations of people. I think I am prone to this because we moved often when I was little. I don't remember having to give much up during our moves, but things got lost on occasion. I am not sure if I started to collect in order to make it more difficult to move me around the country, or what, but there are times when I need to purge and get back to function rather than collection.

This visit is just the thing to help me with that situation...

By this time next week, I will be stressed and nervous and running on adrenaline as I finish the last bit of cleaning and clearing and organizing and presenting my life as something that it really isn't - clean!

Time to get back into cleaning and clearing out mode while using my allen wrench and screws. The bed will be finished at the end of the day, and I hope that the music room will also be looking better by then. Tomorrow is sheets and the living room. After that, I will do what I can.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sunday Song - That One Billie Eilish Song, You Know the One...

Image
So... I feel like I need to be totally transparent about something from the get-go of this particular series... I am not good with identifying songs with their performers. I can't identify the song names, but I can almost always sing the song. As I was trying to figure out what song to select for this series, I remembered being in a session last week, listening to a song by Billie Eilish. I really liked the lyrics to the song, but for the life of me, I cannot remember which song it was. I remember thinking, "that would be a great song for our self-awareness monthly theme," but I cannot find the words that I remember in the lyrics search that I am doing of Billie's songs.  This is a common situation for me, but it's also common for my music therapy clients. We can remember things about songs but can't remember names or musicians. We spend lots of time engaged in clue hunting. I ask questions like, "Is the singer a man or a woman?" (I know, those aren...
Read more

Songwriting Sunday: Client Goals First and Foremost

Image
When I am writing music, I tend to do one of two things. I either start with a specific client in mind and write for that client's goals and objectives, or I start with an idea and let the idea grow regardless of the clients that I am serving at the time. I spend time with lots of hypothetical clients - thinking about the vast number of clients and their unique goals as I develop songs and therapeutic music experiences (TMEs). Today, though, I would like to start with the first focus - that of a specific client and his or her or their goals. Currently, I am sharing a wall with a class of students who are experiencing lots of life and school changes. Two students have transferred from residential care to home care and are now day students. One student is brand new to the classroom. Another student recently left the class. All of these changes have shifted the dynamics in the classroom group, and old behaviors of concern have reemerged as well as finding new behaviors to contribute. ...
Read more

Dear AMTA

Dear American Music Therapy Association: I am debating long and hard about remaining in this relationship. I have been in this relationship since college, and this is not a decision that I am taking lightly or without great cost.  I am not happy with what you are bringing to this relationship. Now, I have been a selfish partner over the past several years - mainly because I am not feeling like we share a common mission anymore. It is easy for me to place the blame on you, but I know that this is not all on me. I have tried to be invested in communication and support and understanding, but everyone comes to a time where enough is enough. I am trying very hard to decide if the benefits that you provide to me are worth the feelings that I have about where I think you and I are going. I am not sure that our destination is the same anymore, and this makes me sad. To be completely honest, I am only in this relationship these days for the music therapy interns. I don't think that is a hea...
Read more