Thoughtful Thursday: Exhaustion, Quotations, and Musings About School

Today is exhaustion day. I have a low voice from all the allergy stuff happening, my throat is scratchy, and I just can't seem to wake up completely, so I went over to Goodreads to see if there was a good quotation about being exhausted that resonated with me...

“I let it go. It's like swimming against the current. It exhausts you. After a while, whoever you are, you just have to let go, and the river brings you home.”
― Joanne Harris, Five Quarters of the Orange

Here's what called to me about this quotation - I think it is a good call and reminder for taking the time for self-care. 

I talk about self-care lots and LOTS on this blog, mainly because I need to do so. I don't always do the best things for me when it comes to self-care, and I need the reminders. Writing about it helps me to remember that it is important to take time to go to the doctor or schedule some time to sleep into my busy-ness.

This week has been busy. I've hosted an applicant for my internship, had to run over an evaluation with my senior intern, started my junior intern off on the right foot, spent lots of time watching things happen, tried to get electronics to work (but this is a street light explosion type of week - ugh, that's probably REALLY confusing, but off-topic, so...), video challenge, and allergy escalation situation right now.

Ooh, here's another quotation...

“But I have my life, I’m living it. It’s twisted, exhausting, uncertain, and full of guilt, but nonetheless, there’s something there.”
― Banana Yoshimoto, The Lake

You know, there's wisdom in that statement. My life is not a perfect one. I'm sure that yours isn't either, but it's my life. It's the life that I have either chosen or have been chosen for at this place and this time. The only thing that I can do is to live the life that I have - in my way, in my place, and in my uniqueness.

Learning to live my own life was something that I finally started to understand when I was in between my junior and senior years in college. Up until that point, I had wanted to be one of the "cool kids" in my class (and we had a BIG class of 12!). I am, however, much too introverted to be ever more than "mysterious" and "quirky" and "don't call her" kid. I had spent three years trying to be part of the crowd and not making it. I woke up one morning thinking about this situation and came to the conclusion that I really wasn't interested in being part of the crowd anymore. I did not really intend to keep in touch with any of my classmates after school was over, so there was really no reason why I should be so concerned about not being me.

Click.

I went into my senior year with a "this is me, this is my life, and I don't really care what you all think about it" attitude. I spoke up in class. I defended unpopular opinions. I argued, and I disagreed, and I supported my thoughts with facts. I ended my first foray into higher education feeling better about myself because I was who I was supposed to be rather than who I thought I was supposed to be. At the end of the year, when my classmates could only remember that I had broken my elbow in the four years we had spent together, I realized that I had made the choice that I needed to make to be my own person.

I had chosen my life. I had forged my own path into the wilderness, and I was ready to move forward, away from all of the people who had journeyed with me.

**** TANGENT - You can skip this, if you want... Now. I do keep in touch with a couple of my early college friends, and I am glad that we are still connected. I appreciate the link that we have between us - the shared experience of school, but social media recently suggested that I reach out to someone else from my music therapy program, and I happily deleted that suggestion. I have no need to re-befriend someone who basically demeaned me from day one (she was the "popular" one of the "popular ones" - uh, buh-bye!). END OF TANGENT ****

There are times when being yourself is exhausting. I get that, but in the end, it is the way that I needed to go, and you may need that as well. The opportunity to go your way, regardless of what people think you should do, is something that is rare in this world. 

If you do not dream for yourself, no one else will dream for you. - me

I am going to drag my exhausted body to work. I will probably get something to eat on my way in because the thought of standing up long enough to cook myself some sausage just fills me with more exhaustion. I am going to spend some time today trying to figure out what is happening allergy-wise so I can work on making it better. I will go through my work day - it is picture day, I just remembered - and then come home to what I need to do this evening - more videoing and commenting on the videos of others, eating something, getting a webinar ready, and various other things on my to-do list. I will try to go to bed as early as possible. I will live my life in my way whatever way that life takes me...

Happy Thursday.