Thoughtful Thursday: I'm Like a Three-Year Old Who Desperately Needs a Nap and Still Has to Pose for Formal Portraits at G'ma's Insistence

True story.

My grandmother loved all things November. We made command appearances at her house for Thanksgiving every single year until we started high school because it was her preferred holiday and she loved having people around. Her birthday, November 22, was a big part of our celebration responsibilities, and we would do things up right! There would be open houses, big meals, ping-pong tournaments, cousin spats, and (shudder) formal portraits.

My grandmother and I shared one unfortunate trait, however. We were both as stubborn as the day is long. We also both knew that we were right and the other one was wrong. This picture is the result of one of our interactions.

I was three.

Now, I am the oldest cousin, sister, and person in my generation of the families I am part of. I have always been expected to do what I am told, and I often did just that - what I was told. But, for some reason, being at Mama Icie's house just brought out the stubborn in me.

In this particular moment, I had been forced to pose for pictures with my parents and new baby sister (also a bit of a sticky subject for me back then). I had to sit and smile while the aforementioned baby sister and the new cousin were propped up around me for the grandchildren picture. I was finished. It had been a long day of being dressed up and waiting and doing what I was told and all. My grandmother had the idea that I should get a special portrait taken just with me. I disagreed.

I sat myself in this corner and faced the wall for a long time. People were trying to get me to turn around, and I knew what they were doing. I've been able to see through people since birth - you aren't going to trick me into thinking that you aren't going to give me that shot, doctor - all that "Mary Jane, look over here," "Mary Jane, we'll get some juice after you are finished" just didn't work on me. 

But, there was one voice in my life that had to be obeyed.

Mom.

My mother told me to turn around, and I had to do it. My mother was (and still is) my greatest influence. So, I turned around, pouted (Interestingly, I never really pouted, except at Mama Icie's house), and the photographer snapped this picture. This is the second in the series. The first was not only pouty but also pretty much full of angry eyebrows as well. I was heading into crying puddle at this stage.

I have been this grumpy three-year old this week. Everything has been wrong. Everyone has been trying to get me to do what they want me to do. Everything is personal and mean and I just want to change out of this scratchy dress and not have to act all happy and perky anymore. This mood has come out in all my interactions with people. I've been testy and short with people who mean well but who just seem to be out for themselves and expect me to join the line (even when they are wrong). Some of these things are the result of my over-emotional brain seeing things that aren't there, but my more rational teammate did mention that there was basis in reality - that the things that are rubbing me the wrong way are there and important to acknowledge and work through.

I am trying to do so. At this moment, though, I am going to embrace that grumpy three-year old me and allow her to sit in the corner, pouting, and not make her pose and "smile pretty." There's a time for smiling, and this is not it!

It's time to go to work now and finish my to-do list which is growing exponentially. I did catch up on some assignment reviews yesterday, but I'm not finished yet. I still have documentation to do from sessions on Monday. I was sick on Tuesday and that brought up many other issues with a co-worker who makes WAY too many erroneous conclusions and doesn't think before speaking - EVER! I know that she is a verbal processor, but I don't appreciate having to intervene between her using my volunteers to work through a professional problem, especially without including me in the conversation! (See, grumpy three-year old tantrum starting already!!) 

So, I'm going to give my three-year old a time-out. She's going to sit in the office (hopefully) and work through some of her issues. Maybe three-year old me can settle down and let much, MUCH older me get some brain time. We'll see.