Being an Internship Director - On Hiatus

It is the Monday after Spring Break, and I am trying really hard to get back into my work routine. I did not sleep well last night - probably because I had the alarm set which always leads me into not sleeping well. I was up about 2 hours before my alarm was set to go off. I will be doing three groups and a dyad today, bus duty, and then occupational therapy after work. 

I am currently stuck in limbo mode when it comes to my internship process. None of my applicants have completed their applications - I am waiting on one letter of recommendation for them all, so I am not ready for an intern in June. Three months is a bit too short of a transition period for me. I am also waiting to hear about a job application that I submitted, and things are changing at work as well, so it may be a good thing that applicants aren't showing much interest in the internship.

I have not had an intern since the middle of January, and I am enjoying aspects of being the sole music therapist at the facility. It is nice to know that things will be in the place I put them all the time. It is also important to understand that anything that is out of place is my fault and mine alone. At the same time, there are things that I am missing about not having interns right now. I miss the opportunity to talk to people who know what music therapy is. I miss the camaraderie and the shared looks across music therapy groups when something significant happens. I miss the opportunity to act as mentor and guide.

I am debating whether I keep my program open. With so many incomplete applications, I am feeling like there is not much interest in what I can offer to interns. These two things may not be related at all, but I tend to go with self-criticism when these types of situations happen. I am also looking towards the future. I have two years and three months until I am eligible for retirement from my school job with my full pension. I have an open job application for a different type of job. I do not want to accept an intern to my program and then desert them if my life situation changes.

So.

Do I offer an internship position, just to desert the intern if my life situation changes? Do I close the position and inform my applicants that the position is not being offered? Do I close the internship completely? It will have to be closed in two years anyway, so do I just do it now? There are so many things to think about while on hiatus.

I am a pro/con list type of decision maker. When I have big decisions to make, I sit down with paper and a pen. I list all the thoughts that I have about my situation. Then, I prioritize the thoughts and look at them closely. I allow my emotional mind to have a say, but I try to keep my decision process in my rational mind as much as possible. I have this list started at work on a OneNote file. I have more information to add to this file after a week off, so I will end up working on this question of whether I want to continue my internship or not this week. Ultimately, this decision is mine alone because my facility does nothing to support my internship other than allowing me to host interns and pay for background checks and all-employee perks. I do not get any sort of financial benefit from being an internship director, so if I decide that it is time to stop the program, I can do it without an issue from others at my job.

I have just as much anxiety with the thought of closing my internship as I do about accepting interns at the moment. Isn't that interesting? I might just be tired, but that is something to acknowledge in my decision.

For now, though, it is time to head out into the below freezing temperatures to meet my clients where they are on this first day back from break. My first priority has to be my clients - always - so, off I go!