Being An Internship Director - While Sick

I have been sick since my birthday, almost a month ago now, and this has directly affected my job performance in the last couple of weeks. I am having trouble breathing and am coughing most of the time. I am on so many medications that I cannot keep going with the schedule - some are every six hours, others are every eight hours, and, then there are the four hour meds. There isn't much time when I am not medicating in some way. Since all of this is going on, I fear I haven't been the best example of a music therapist for my newest intern. 

Now, I am trying my best to be all the things that I want to do, but I have let lots of the administrative duties go because I am just exhausted, hot, sicker than sick, and uninterested in doing all sorts of things that responsible music therapists do as part of their jobs. These are not things that my intern is doing yet, so the intern has no idea how much I am slacking off. I am paying for those choices now, but I will get caught up eventually.

One of the big things that did not get done towards the start of this month was cleaning all of the office spaces. The plan was to use time on the last week of school to get things nice and prepared for the new intern, but I was sick that week so I was unable to get things organized. I have done some of those chores now, but things still are not the way I like them before an intern arrives in the music therapy suite. The problem is I am using all my energy to breathe these days, so lots of the other things are going by the wayside.

It is hard to accept these things because they are not my ideal state of being.

I constantly strive to meet my ideals, and this is something that I always find challenging. My problem right now is that I do not feel that I am being the best example of music therapy for my intern. We watched the same video presentation over and over again last week. I haven't sung much, and I am not really able to do lots of energetic interaction with clients at the moment.

The hardest part of all of this right now is the guilt that is trying to take over my brain. My rational brain knows that this is the type of thing that all professionals go through at some point, so why not be an example? My emotional brain is trying to take over, though, so I have that guilt bubbling up over missed tasks, a messy office space, and no real energy to spare during the work days.

Being an internship director means being honest about the joys and the challenges that come with being a music therapist. It usually takes me a bit longer to get into "how do I be a therapist when I am sick" mode with interns, though. This one just walked into this situation from the get-go. I don't like that fact, but it is what it is.

How does a music therapist be a music therapist when they cannot sing or talk to clients?

During my master's thesis experiment, I lost my voice. I was unable to sing much and my experiment was all about singing - I wonder if I was doing this testing during the summer months? I don't really remember. That definitely skewed the data.

So, I have come up with several different session strategies for the times when I cannot sing or speak much. My interns and I talk about these types of plans during their time with me. We discuss ways to interact that do not require active musicking. My current intern is not really ready for that discussion, but that's okay. We will get to it eventually.

We are halfway through our first summer session. Two more weeks before our next break and then only two weeks of the last summer session before I head to Canada for the World Congress of Music Therapy. We will then have one and a half weeks off before the 2023-2024 school year starts up. By the end of this first session, intern #36 will be leading opening TMEs with all assigned groups. By the end of the second session, intern #36 will be close to leading the entire groups. I am ready to share the groups again. For now, though, it is time to take a shower, head to work, and figure out what to do next with my clients - four groups and two individuals today. That should be it. It will be hot and humid, so I will struggle to breathe even more than usual. Fun, hunh?

I will do what I can do. I will be who I can be at this time. I will do my best in all things, and I will try to be a good example of someone who strives to be a good music therapist while also navigating health issues that affect her job performance. There you go.