Sentimental Sunday: Post 2615 - The Upstairs Neighbors
January 2021 was a rough time for my family. My father died on my mother's birthday early in the month. We had to navigate life and grief and COVID and new family situations. It was not the easiest of times, but my family was surviving. I was in my apartment, missing my cat who died two weeks before my father, and trying to grieve whilst away from all that I wanted to be near.
To add to all the grieving and changes in my family life, my upstairs neighbors were becoming a problem. Here are the details. I don't know much about them, but I do know that they became very much a problem during this time. In fact, this was the last straw for me, and I started looking for a realtor immediately!
I believe that every person in the world has the right to choose their personal spiritual and religious beliefs. I believe that every person in the world is allowed to practice their personal spiritual and religious beliefs. I have a problem when there is the sound of a person telling others to leave after having a very loud argument with their spouse in the middle of the night that is accompanied by loud noises on the ceiling. When religious beliefs lead to loud, distressed chanting, bangs on the ceiling (which was their floor), lots of crying, and pleas for being left alone, then I feel that a welfare check is a good thing. I am thankful that the police were able to double check what was going on upstairs. I hope they didn't tell those neighbors that I was the one who called. I figured that their walls connected with three other neighbors, so I was hoping that they were never sure who called.
The best part about this particular series of posts, for me right now, is remembering situations and thoughts and ideas that have been part of my view of life in the past. I get an opportunity to revisit ideas or just to glimpse parts of my experience from a distance. I find the themes of my life through this series.
The theme that I have for this particular time in my life is adaptation to life situations. This situation (demon casting out above my head) led me into my current home. I started the process of finding a realtor shortly after this incident, and I moved into my home the following November. It took a long time to find a home. It was a seller's market, and every home I wanted had over 10 offers, except for this one. I am thrilled to be at my current home. It was well worth the wait, and I am happy here. I have only one neighbor who shares a wall, and no one lives above or below me. It is a good place for me, and I am happy to be away from that particular pair of neighbors.
There are good things that happen in the midst of grief and change and struggles. Sometimes the good things are difficult to see, but with a bit of time, you can identify the things that made you stronger. This is one of those posts. It shows me some shifts in how I was living with grief. The comment, "I am ready to get back into my work - something that I haven't really felt like doing in the past weeks. It is time." illustrates to me that I was getting better during my grief. I was able to shift into other-focus away from self-focus and look towards things that needed to be done outside of my immediate concerns. I was ready to be "therapist" again, and that was an important shift.
I still live with my grief. I miss my Dad. I miss his voice, yet hearing it on my Mom's voice mail message makes me cry. (I've recorded it for myself so it will be with me always - I also have Mom's voice recorded, just in case.) We all live with our grief. It doesn't matter when people we love leave this realm, we still grieve our loss of time with those people.
I am happy that I now live in my new home. I never have to worry about these particular neighbors again. I don't have to wonder if there is domestic abuse happening upstairs. I don't have to wonder if I should call the police because of the situations happening upstairs (or across the hallway - that was a fun [sarcasm] Thanksgiving morning - 4 am). I am still working on the idea that this is my home to do anything with - too many years of being a renter, I guess. I am getting more comfortable with putting things on the walls and making the space work for me. I am still not fully moved in. I have too much stuff. Always too much stuff. I am contemplating some raised beds for outside. I am feeling ambitious and would love having some cucumbers grow outside, but I do not want to dig in the ground. Raised beds would be best for my back as well. I do need something that I can fix somewhere - we have been having lots of wind gusts and advisories lately. I have a feeling that they will continue all summer. It would be nice to have some vegetables. I bet the cats next door will use the beds to sleep in - they already do that with my surprise lily bed in the backyard. Anyway, I have some tentative plans for outside things this summer. Of course, now it is freezing outside at the moment - in APRIL, so planting something is probably not a great idea at the moment...
Through grief, we learn how to continue. I have a friend who lost her husband last year. She is struggling with continuing but has little to no choice. My good friend who lost her husband several years ago, has always been somewhat bemused by people who treated her like she was less than she was when she was married. My mother actively resents the idea that her identity is now "widow" with some people. She feels like she still has plenty of life ahead of her and does not feel like her life ended when my Dad's life ended. While she misses Dad, she doesn't feel that her entire identity was as his wife. The first friend hasn't found her own identity, and it shows. After my aunt Nancy died, my uncle struggled with his identity as a single man. He has finally seemed to find his way in the world without Aunt Nancy, but it took a long time for him to identify elements of himself that were not things that they shared. He seemed to be stuck in only doing what his wife did with him for a long time.
Is there a "right way" to grieve? Of course not. For me, though, I tend to be more like my good friend and my mother. I cannot stop my life because loved ones have died. I loved them and continue to love them, but it is my job to continue to live my life the way they taught me. My belief system includes the thought that we will be with each other again, so I will keep going in this realm of life until it is time to join them in the next realm.
Oh. This started as a sentimental look into my previous posts, and now it is all about grief. I am going to try to get more consistent with my writing again this week. We will see. I am having lots of difficulty getting up in the mornings which has completely affected my ability to sit down and write. I may try blogging in the afternoons, so be prepared for some shifts in my posting schedules. We will see what happens in the next several weeks as I try to figure out what is going on with my medications and my brain. There you go.
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