I'm Not Going In Today

I am taking a day off today. It is somewhat related to things that are happening around my house, but it is mostly related to some of my feelings about things like holiday parties and having to be recognized for years of service.

The problem for me is that this year is a year when I should be recognized for my years of service. Now, I should have been recognized last year, but they didn't bother to recognize several of us. So, this year is supposed to be the year that I have to stand in front of everyone, listen to some administrator who has no clue who I am or even what I do make up something to say in front of a bunch of strangers who do not schedule things to accommodate my work schedule. I always end up in a nasty mood after these things, and I hate them to my very core. 

I have been trying to talk myself into going all week, but this morning the stress of this situation came crashing down on me, so I am using one of my non-contract days to take a day for me. I am going to celebrate my 26 years of service to my organization by not being there.

I have lots of shame over this, but I really do hate being up in front of people and having to be the center of that sort of attention. All I want is the certificate (and the check that goes with it). I have not been notified that I am getting any sort of recognition (as we have in years past), so I am not all that convinced that they will actually include me. I don't want to sit there and not be recognized but I REALLY don't want to sit there and be recognized! Welcome to my brain.

My back is twinging as all of this is happening. Stress makes it worse, according to things I have read. So, I am not going to work today. I am going to focus on doing something not work related at all. I might go shopping for my family this morning... 

Egad! I hear my mother's voice in my head right now - "If you are too sick for school, then you are too sick for shopping..."

That's why I'm taking a non-contract day, Mom! It technically means that I am not being paid for this day, so I get to do whatever I want with it!! 

Oh, the guilt and the shame. Oh well. Time to go do something... 

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