Thoughtful Thursday: Feeling Every Single Day That I Have Lived So Far...

My idea for this particular post was to work through some of my current thoughts about the state of the world, but I am not liking what is coming from my fingers, so I thought I would try another way into writing this morning.

Yesterday was full of ups and downs. There was a large bowel movement involved (not my own), lots of boomwhacking, and several suggestions from clients that turned into more robust engagement and therapeutic interaction. The day ended with an Ash Wednesday service, so I did not get home until later than usual on a Wednesday evening.

I am currently waiting until a bit later than usual to go to the orthopedist to see about my broken toe. I have received conflicting messages about when to arrive and the instructions tell me to arrive before the office even opens, so I may have more time than I thought before I have to leave for work. I may miss some of the first session this morning, but my intern is prepared and ready to do things with staff support and without me (she doesn't think so, but she is). I am feeling some anxiety over what they are going to tell me about this toe, and I suspect that I am going in to hear that they don't do much with broken toes, but that's part of what is going on. I also hate that I have to take the time off from work because it is inconvenient for me, and I don't like feeling like the world should bend to my whims and needs over those of others.

I feel old today.

There are days when it is difficult to believe that I am as old as I am because I feel ageless. Then, there are days like today when I can feel every single one of my years, months, and days. This is due to a combination of toe pain, secondary grief after the death of a family friend this past Saturday, and the ever changing weather patterns happening out here. The toe anxiety is not really helping all that much, either, but that is the way my life goes. There are periods of time when I feel young and energetic and then there are times when I feel older than I actually am chronologically. I think my bones are aging faster than I am due to years of being obese and not being extremely diligent about things like calcium. Time to work on both of these things more than I am right now.

I have one group to run today, one individual session, and one music relaxation/entertainment session to run. We are going to play Boomwhackers and try to get into some simple chording during the group session. I will have some time to work on cutting out the visual aids that I prepared earlier this week. I will also have some time to work on my ever evolving visual aid storage system. There is so much that I want to do, but I am tired most of the time, so I don't accomplish those things. Rest always seems more pressing in the moment.

Hey, I have managed to be up past 8pm every night this week! I wonder if I can keep myself busy and engaged until 8 this evening when I do not have a meeting or webinar or church service to keep me busy. We shall see.

For now, though, I am going to get into my car and wait until the doors open at my new doctor's office. Breathe, MJ, breathe.

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