Two Years Ago Today...COVID??

Two years ago, I was in the middle of some sort of mystery illness. I had been tested for Influenza (all sorts of types), and I did not feel fluish, but I did not feel well, either. This was before our world shut down, and who knows if what I had was COVID or not, but the timing was pretty interesting. I did not have nearly as many symptoms as listed on the information from the CDC at that time, and I don't think it was COVID, but it remains a mystery nonetheless.

I will always wonder if that illness was COVID.

I did not hear anything about COVID until March 13th when my school shut down for COVID when we all shut down. The idea of a global pandemic was not on my radar at all. I avoided all things news-related because I got too angry with decisions made by leadership and the results of all of those decisions. It was better for my mental health not to engage in consuming news. I still avoid most of the news, but things are a bit better for my health these days. 

In the past (almost) two years, I have not been sick in ways other than my usual ways. I have most of the symptoms that are on the COVID list as part of my other usual ways of living. I have shortness of breath, a cough, headaches, joint pain, congestion, diarrhea as part of my life as a human here on this planet, but nothing has changed in what I experience - well, other than now I pay much more attention to all of those symptoms - Is this a usual headache or something different? In the middle of June last year, I had to stay at home for a couple of days because we had a daily survey that included the question, "Has your breathing changed in the past 48 hours?" I had just slipped into an asthma attack, so I could not really answer in the negative. Because of that answer, I had to arrange a virtual meeting with my health care practitioner before I could come back to work. We all agreed that the symptom seemed to be more asthma than anything else, so I was cleared to go back to work and did so. That has been the only time that my regular way of living intersected with the COVID world.

I am fortunate.

Last month, my family tested positive for COVID. My sister was able to complete her test and get her results. She tested positive. My mom and brother got tests. My brother's test was inconclusive. My mother's test results got lost because my brother started an email account for my mother that he immediately deleted. We don't know what was happening. My brother was symptomatic. My mother was not. My sister had mild symptoms that she discounts and states are not part of her COVID status, but that I identify as her COVID experience. My sister isolated for an entire week away from work. 

I have been as vigilant as possible over the past two years with masking, washing hands, and personal space. I have not been in a plane in over two years. I have only been on one trip in that time. I have not been in a movie theater in two years. I do not go shopping very much. I am much more comfortable with deliveries coming to my house than I used to be.

My school district has just told us that we can stop wearing masks. Now, not all of us can, and there are still way too many people out for "HR" reasons which usually means exposure or positive test results. Since I see everyone in music therapy, I am not all that keen to give up the mask as I am still trying really hard to avoid getting sick. I am one of those people who have lots of confounding variables, and I do not want to get sick with COVID.

I am hoping that my batch of at-home tests arrives soon. My plan is to take one immediately and then save the others for times of exposure.

All of this is coming up today because of the original post showing up on my Facebook memory feed. I did not feel good. I did not have a loss of taste or smell (as far as I could remember). I was running a temperature, but it was nowhere near the levels associated with COVID. I just felt bad. Like I said at the beginning of this post, I will always wonder if the germ I had back then was COVID or not. This is also coming up today because I hurt. My back is a bit out of place because I sat in my chair for an entire day for my shift for OCMT. I wish I had a week off right now. To be fair, I always feel this way after OCMT. I am sitting in that same chair right now, and my back is screaming at me to lie down, but I cannot. I have to head to work, supervise my intern as she leads part of two groups, and then do a group of my own. Mondays are low therapy demand days. I would prefer to have more sessions on Mondays and less on Wednesdays and Fridays, but that's not how my schedule panned out. So, I have days where I am busy from the beginning of school until about an hour before the end of school (how I prefer my schedule to be) and then days when I have LOTS of time for office hours because my students are busy in all of my empty times. This is also the start of my withdrawal from the leadership role, so I will have more and more time in my office eventually. This usually coincides with an increase in the number of TMEs that I produce each week. Since I withdraw from being "therapist" for a period of time in the tenure of every intern, I have a chance to focus on my own creativity. I can set up the laminator and supervise my interns and my clients while laminating materials, writing TMEs, and generally keeping myself busy with other tasks. It makes the time that I have to be out of the session a bit easier to bear.

I love being a therapist, so giving up sessions to my interns is the worst part of being an internship director. I also love seeing my interns figure out how they are going to be a music therapist, so giving up sessions to my interns is the best way to accomplish that particular part of their development. There are good and bad sides of every single thing. I know that it is more important for my interns to do music therapy and to take on the role of "therapist" than it is for me to be the leader of every single session. I know that, but I still miss being "therapist" when my interns take over. This is one of the reasons that I will never (again) accept two interns to start at the same time. I had a very, VERY long period of time when I was doing NO music therapy groups at all! It was so difficult for me to be out of the session and away from interacting with my clients that I decided then and there that those two interns would be the ONLY two interns who started at the same time from then on! I needed to be part of the day-to-day clinical interactions with my clients throughout my time as "supervisor." I do not want to give up being "therapist"...ever!

I wonder, sitting here as I am taking an inventory of my current aches and pains and wishing that I could just crawl back into bed for some reclining time, if I will get COVID. As far as I know, I haven't had it yet...except for that mystery illness in February 2020...

I am being vigilant in my masking practice. I will get all the vaccinations and boosters that are recommended by those who know infectious diseases and virology more than I do. I will stay at home if I am symptomatic. I will do my best to encourage others to do the same. I will probably mask significantly longer than the others at my facility - I already am. I find it funny that we get a directive that we do not have to mask any more, and then we get a spike in positive cases for COVID. I am just going to keep masking until we all reach lighter blue colors on the CDC tracking map. I will do what I feel is right for me, and, right now, that is masking in all music therapy situations and sessions.

It is time to head upstairs to get ready for work. The weather is going to be very mild this week - highs in the 50s and 60s (Fahrenheit, for those who are not in the USA) and sunny, so I have to dress accordingly. I just bought some new pants to wear, so I will try one of those pairs today. I will also spend a bit of time trying to figure out some good layers to wear this week since it will be cold in the mornings and warm in the afternoons. This is a challenging time, to be sure, and I am hoping that we will not have any more snow days...I think.

Stay healthy, everyone.