Thoughtful Thursday: World Wide Trauma and No One Can Be the Reassuring Voice of Experience

I was talking to a co-worker yesterday about the extreme fatigue and feelings of frustration, overwhelmedness, and exhaustion that seem to be overcoming our entire workplace. She said something about this pandemic going on for over 600 days now, and I started wondering about how we were going to be working through the effects of this pandemic once we finally get to the point where it is no longer a big, new thing but is just one of those things that happens to us - like influenza.

This led me down a rabbit hole of looking for information on the internet. Now, I did not just go with anything that I saw - I think I am so-so at identifying good sources rather than propaganda, but I learned some things about myself and others during this brief dip into the information pool.

First of all, it has been 602 days since January 9, 2020, when the WHO announced the presence of this virus (https://www.ajmc.com/view/a-timeline-of-covid19-developments-in-2020). That is all. It has been 538 days since I became personally affected by this virus - that's the day that my school therapy job changed significantly. Only 538 days.

They say that it takes 21 days of doing something to make it a habit. (Science does not back this up, by the way, but we stick to the idea anyway. Guess we humans don't always listen to the researchers...Who knew? [SARCASM]) If that was true, then we would have had the opportunity to make new habits 25.61 times in the past 538 days. That actually seems about right for the number of new ways of doing my job over the past 538 days. I know that I haven't had to change my way of doing things that many times, but I've been having to change my routine more often in the past 538 than in the 28 years that I have been a professional music therapist!

It is no wonder that we are all exhausted. It is no wonder that people are opting to leave jobs that no longer fit the way they want to work. It is no wonder that there is such a feeling of unsettledness and frustration with anyone and everyone who just doesn't do what we need to feel secure.

I think, more than any other event in my life, that this pandemic has been a cultural and societal turning point. I know that I have removed more people from my social media feeds than in any other point just because I cannot absorb their hatred of anything these days.

I spent a bit of time looking at information from the WHO about what is happening with this pandemic around the world, (https://covid19.who.int/) It is interesting to see that my fellow Americans are leading the world in the number of confirmed cases. "I have the right NOT to wear a mask and to get COVID!" We are certainly demonstrating that in droves! A cursory glance at the country indicators seem to show that our country is the only one that is at pre-vaccine levels at the moment. We have had 6 MILLION more cases than India. India had a spike but seems to have flattened their new case curve very well. Our curve is still expanding and going up.

I am wondering how we will recover from this world wide situation. Who will be the ones who tell us about how to come out of a pandemic where we have lost millions of people? Who will be the ones who help us figure out how to navigate a world where COVID is still present? Who will be there to tell reassuring stories about making this a learning experience to reshape our attitudes, thoughts, routines, habits, and opportunities? 

It is time to figure out what we are going to do for each other. Who are our priorities for trauma care? For me, the needs that I see are for us caregivers first and foremost. I have always said that I cannot be a good therapist for my clients if I am not able to address my own needs first. This means that I have to be secure in my own skin, emotions, mental and physical health before I can speak to others about their own challenges. When I am not secure in those sections, I have to focus on myself first. Right now, focusing on my "self" is difficult because I am having to go work with people who need care while I myself need care. There is no opportunity to rest or reflect - there is only the push to respond.

I think we are all at the bottom of our energy wells. 

My sister, the second grade teacher, has returned to her classroom for the first time since March 2020, and she is finding it difficult to work with children who have not been in a classroom. They are unable to do the full curriculum because the social expectations of "school" have not been part of the students' lives. There is a significant difference between virtual school and live school, and most of that is cultural - not based on "where people come from" culture but the expectations and rules of the institution, "school." I have other teacher friends who are experiencing the same sort of observations. There is little room for teaching the knowledge at this point because everyone is having to teach the kids that it is not appropriate to just leave the classroom whenever you want without telling the adult in charge.

My students have had every sort of type of schooling possible except for synchronous virtual school, and some of them also did that type of school. My students have had more consistent cultural expectations due to the nature of their circumstances and our program. It means that those of us who work with my kids have had all of these changes as well to navigate and try to figure things out. It is no wonder that we are exhausted.

I am going to try to practice some trauma-informed care on myself. It is becoming obvious that there will be a role for me in helping others navigate their own feelings, so it is time to prepare myself for this type of interaction with others. I think I will register for a course with a person who is not a music therapist or a therapist at all because the topic seems to fit with my current goals of preparation to be a shoulder to those who need it.

Are you ready to help be that reassuring voice of experience? Are you in need of a place to find that voice for yourself? I am curious about how you all are handling the changes that have happened due to this pandemic and what you need from others right now...