Concerning Clients
One of my favorite visuals is called the SmartTherapist Manifesto. Unfortunately, the website that originated this wonderful visual has "retired" (in website speak), but the visual lives on in other posts - here is one where you can see the visual that I'm talking about on the right side of the page - Look for the SmartTherapist Manifesto. I love this visual (which is a variety of print on a paper in a variety of fonts and colors that includes the following statements) because it reminds me of the things that happen when we choose to be therapists.
The SmartTherapist Manifesto includes the following statements (all capital letters and bolded letters are in the original):
- To do this craft well, it will require something of WHO YOU ARE.
- You're not just MAKING WIDGETS, you're stepping into people's lives (okay, I added a comma to make things a bit more grammatical, but it's the same idea...)
- You're investing your humanity into another person's humanity.
- No matter how hard you try to prevent it, being a therapist will cost you sometimes.
- Smart therapists know THEIR OWN STORY, and are willing to have others SPEAK INTO THEIR LIVES.
- Smart therapists know THERE IS ALWAYS MORE TO LEARN.
- THERAPY IS AS MUCH AN ART AS IT IS A SCIENCE.
- Smart therapists DON'T have all the answers.
- They understand that there are just some things you can't understand.
- SMART THERAPISTS ARE COMFORTABLE IN THE GRAY.
- HOW you say things is just as important as WHAT you are saying.
- Smart therapists always remember that WHERE THEY TROD IS SACRED GROUND.
- The delicate places in people's lives should be treated with FEAR AND REVERENCE.
- MODEL WHAT YOU TEACH.
- Smart therapists know their limits and don't try to help everyone - even when they want to.
- Smart therapists find balance in their lives. They know how to work hard and how to play hard.
I love this list because it constantly reminds me that being a therapist means being part of someone else's life - but just a part, not the entirety of that client's life.
There are clients that we connect with immediately. There are clients that we connect with after many sessions and attempts, and there are clients that we will never connect with. That is the nature of being human.
As a therapist, I worry about my clients. I worry about their futures, I worry about their presents, there is some worry that happens when you choose to care about other people. At the same time, though, I have to find boundaries for myself or the worry becomes overwhelming. This manifesto reminds me that there has to be a boundary between myself and my clients.
At the moment, there is lots of worry for specific clients and what is happening to them, but it cannot overshadow the work that I have to do with my other clients.
One of the hardest lessons that I have learned over my years as a therapist is that clients cannot become the only reason that you keep a job. This may sound a bit harsh or difficult to hear when thinking about the people that you serve, but there comes a time when you have to put yourself first. I have had jobs where I loved the clients and hated everything else about the facility, the job responsibilities, and the day-to-day situations that were part of the job. Love of the clients was not enough to make that job something that helped me thrive and grow and stay healthy. Did I feel a bit of guilt when I left those clients? Yes, but the benefits of moving onto a new situation with new clients were so much more important to my professional life.
One of the things that happens when you work with people is that you lose people at times. It has been several years since one of my clients has died, but it happens, even when you are working with children and adolescents. Each time a client dies, I am changed. Each time a client leaves my facility, I am changed. Each time a new client walks into my music therapy sessions, I am changed. Each time a client makes a breakthrough in music therapy or screams through an entire session or finds something that keeps them enthralled, I am changed.
I hope that my clients' lives are changed for the better through our work together, but I will never know about that. All I know about is my own experiences, and I know that I am changed with each session, with each client, with each day, month. and year. It is what happens when you choose to work with humans that I would think would be missing if you chose to work with objects or concepts. (Now, I am not sure of this because all I can go with is my own experience - I need the human interaction and connection to be satisfied in my work. I think accountants may enjoy numbers and working with them in computer programs and stuff, but it is not the choice for me. Thank goodness we can choose our own paths in life!)
My favorite part of the SmartTherapist Manifesto is the first thing written on the poster - "To do this craft well, it will require something of who you are."
The trick to all of this is to find a place where you can give what you can give without giving everything away and losing yourself in the process.
Clients will always want more from you. That's their jobs. Their job is to get as much from therapy as possible, but there are times when you cannot meet their needs. It is okay to walk away from that therapeutic relationship when it is no longer possible to move forward towards goals and objectives. Clients will also want more for their money. This often translates into requests for lower service payments because our (including you and me in this statement because we are all part of this society) aim in all things is to get the best situation for our money. Our clients are after the same thing - the biggest return on their investment. You have to decide in each situation what you are going to do. If a client comes up and asks for longer sessions for the same amount of money, you need to think about you rather than about their needs as a client and all that. Clients will disappear at times and you may never know what happened to them. You may always wonder what happened and why they left, and most of the time, it has little to nothing to do with you as a person or a therapist. Most of the time, it has to do with their situations and choices that were made without even thinking about you. This may cause you to worry. This is part of the cost of being a therapist.
My job means that I am constantly meeting new clients and wishing familiar clients well as they move to their next living situations. There is a constant intake and discharge situation that happens when you work for a residential psychiatric treatment program for children and adolescents. Kids come and they go. Some stay for a while and others are there for only a month or two. There is a constant process of getting to know clients and saying goodbye to clients. It can take a toll on a carer/therapist. I do get more time with some of my clients than other music therapists get with their clients. You get used to the process wherever you end up - whether you work with the same clients for 50 years or for 50 minutes.
There will be clients who will stick in your memory forever. There will be clients that you forget quickly. There will be many memories of how clients responded that will come out and overwhelm you at times. There will be just as many (if not more) forgotten memories that others will keep but that you will not remember at all. You may meet a client in the community several years after they are no longer your client, and they greet you with the song they associate with you. You never know what impact you are making on another's life, and that is one of the blessings and challenges of being a therapist.
Go out there and be a SmartTherapist!
Thanks for reading.
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