Getting Ready

The rollercoaster life of 2020 is continuing into 2021...when will it all end?

Last Friday brought with it a breakdown at work where I cried in front of my Vice Principal and ended up being YET ANOTHER wasted effort because the situation that had led me to such emotional lengths was YET ANOTHER misstep on the part of administrators more interested in money than in health and safety that was rescinded almost as fast as it wreaked havoc on my mental and professional well-being. Almost. This happens quite often - we are told to make huge changes to how we do what we are told to do and then we are told "never mind, we're not doing that after all." So, we ask, "what are we going to do?" The answer is often, "we're not sure yet, but we aren't doing that thing we INSISTED that you drop everything and address yesterday, that's for sure!"

I am tired.

I am tired of having to change my schedules every five weeks. 

I am tired of not knowing from day to day if I will see the clients I expect to see in my assigned group sessions.

I am tired of being expected to change at a moment's notice into something new to try without the courtesy (I was going to say Common Courtesy, but courtesy is not all that common anymore, is it?) of being part of the conversation BEFORE it is implemented.

I am tired of a rush to normalcy when things are nowhere near normal.

I am tired of the constant stream of poorly trained co-workers coming in with little to no understanding of how to interact with our challenging population who then put my safety at risk.

I am tired of not being able to use my hands the way I want to use my hands.

I am tired of trying to figure out how to do my job when there is little to no guidance from others on what my job is supposed to be for clients.

I am tired of all sorts of things.

I am tired.

It is time to go to work. It is time to get ready - to change out of my fuzzy new music-themed robe, put on my uniform, get into the car, get gasoline, slog through the winter temperatures, stare at my computer, try to plan something for clients to do that doesn't bore us all, and then slog back through the weather to come home to my quiet and lonely home to finish up my continuing education course. All I really want to do is to snuggle up into my robe and get under my covers, but I won't do that today. Today is for working.

It will be interesting to see what types of changes we hear about today. I am to the point where any changes are not going to happen, so why even bother stressing about them. The Vice Principal told me that we are going to be abandoning the stuff that was left for us on Thursday afternoon that caused my breakdown in front of him for a return to our "regular schedule." My question to him? "What the ____ is our 'regular schedule'?" Who even knows these days. If it is a return to the schedule we started last school year with, then I am ALL FOR IT! If it is the cockamamie schedule that we started this school year with then there will be another breakdown as I HATE THIS SCHEDULE! The problem for me is that I don't think we will be able to stick with yet another new schedule. I think there will be another upswing in cases in our area and we will have to change again...and again. 

But, I digress YET AGAIN! I am trying to get myself motivated for today. Okay - three groups including a late afternoon group where my brain is usually pretty fried, intern supervision, and endless hours trying to come up with strategies for treating students that will not be used because things will change yet again and spin out of control. Okay.

Time to get ready... here I go... am I out the door yet? No?? Oh.

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