Wednesday - Thoughts About the World Out There
I started my blogging experience by writing my current feelings about going back to work after two days off waiting for medical clearance. After a failed telehealth experience followed by another better telehealth experience, I finally got the note stating that my shortness of breath and changed cough were most likely due to my seasonal allergies and chronic asthma. As of 1:30pm yesterday, I was cleared to return to work today. I have been having mixed feelings about all this. I admit that I thought long and hard about just moving about my day with my interns on Monday without declaring that I had answers that had changed to the basic health screening, but I went on the side of ethical, responsible, and good MJ and told folks that I had more difficulty breathing and all that. It really stinks when every single symptom of a global pandemic is something that your body just does as part of regular life. People give me the stink eye when I have to cough these days, but it is just who I am. At least I wear my mask every place I go! You're welcome!!
But, I digress.
I have been isolated since the day we were told that COVID was a thing. I have been to work, to home, and to one store a week since that day, and I am starting to feel it. I usually do pretty well with being by myself, but I do like to be able to get into my car and go drive someplace. I like staying in hotels in the middle of nowhere for the sole purpose of just being somewhere new. I will do that more when we get back to being able to move around the country freely again.
I have been trying not to keep up with any of the news other than what is part of my regular routine. Some find this ridiculous and misguided, but I am finding that knowing what is going on when there is nothing I can contribute or do at this time is a recipe for anxiety and panic attacks. I still have to go out into the world to work outside of my germ culture here at home, and that fact terrifies me as well. Hearing about people throwing tantrums because they don't think that my fears are important to consider just makes me angry, so I go into protection mode.
Ugh. This is not what I want to be writing about today.
I am choosing to isolate my brain from outside stimuli as well as my body. I am choosing to mute people who are vehemently political on my social media feeds. I am electing to keep the radio off and to avoid as many talking heads as possible. This is more for my own mental health than anything else. I have to go out into the world of unknowns every day, and I would not be able to do it if I had to also take all my concerns about folks in other places doing other things.
By the way, I am nebulizing while I write this post - breathing treatments stink, but they allow me to breathe, so there's that...
Over the past two days, I have done very little towards anything of any import. If I had been motivated, I would have done at least a bit of stuff around the house, and I did wash the towels, but that's about all that got done. This upcoming weekend is going to be reserved for cleaning my bedroom and bathroom and possibly throwing out many of the plastic containers that I have collected over the years. We shall see. Then I have two days of work before 12 days off (at least, as far as I know right now - things are crazy about the start of the new school year, so who knows if I'll be working then or not...). As always, I have goals for my time off, but I am also going to be mindful of my need to find peace with our situation as well as with my situation.
I still have some nebulizing to do, but I think I am finished writing for the morning. Thanks for reading.
Comments
Post a Comment